BECOME A MEMBER AND EMBRACE EXCLUSIVE ACCESS
Unlock exclusive features and connect with like-minded individuals by upgrading to our premium membership.
As a member, you'll gain access to our members-only forums, where you can:
Engage in meaningful discussions: Read, create, and search all threads and posts, fostering a vibrant community of like-minded individuals.
Establish deeper connections: Utilize our private messaging system to connect with other members on a personal level, fostering meaningful relationships.
Enjoy these benefits and more for just $2.99 per month, payable securely via PayPal.
Membership is flexible, allowing you to cancel anytime without any hassle.
Sign up today and embark on a journey of personal growth and connection. Join our community of passionate individuals and unlock a world of possibilities.

Click https://limerence.net/membership-accoun ... p-checkout

Is this much younger woman romantically interested in me?

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
virusbkk
Posts: 92
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:37 am
Hong Kong

Is this much younger woman romantically interested in me?

Post by virusbkk »

Hello Everyone,

I realise this topic may fall outside the scope of limerence,
but figured I'd throw it out there - it could be relevant in context to the ex-LO (AP) from last year.

I was out with friends at a bar on NYE and was waiting in line outside the mixed-use restroom,
when this woman approached me and asked if I was in queue to which I replied yes.

She introduced herself and asked where I was from, and we had a brief conversation.
Fast forward a few hours later, when I had to take a whizz again, and who do I run into - her.
We struck up another conversation and it turns out we work in very similar industries,
and have a very similar educational background.

We exchanged contact information and said we could discuss topics/developments related to our industry.
I didn't contact her again after that.

Some days ago, I was browsing some articles regarding some recent/important developments in our industry,
and she popped into my head - I forwarded her the articles, believing it could be of relevance to her.

Here's where the water starts to get murky.
Against my best judgement, I suggested that we could discuss these articles over a drink.

She replied by saying she'd be happy to discuss the articles over coffee.
I apologised immediately and said that my interest in the discussion was purely platonic and hoped she hadn't got the wrong idea.

On the day, I was somewhat relieved to see that she was very casually dressed - no makeup, hoodie, track pants and gym shoes.
I initiated the conversation regarding the article, but somehow she managed to steer the topic to relationships - her last serious relationship/love, recent dating history, parents and that she liked older men. She just turned 25 and I'm 39.

Whenever I tried to steer the conversation towards something professional, she would pivot back to talking about relationships.
This dance continued, until I decided it was time to call it after about 1.5 hrs.

Upon parting ways, she spontaneously hugged me. Again, I didn't read too much into it.

Fast forward to yesterday, she messaged me & asked me out to dinner on Friday.
I haven't sent a reply yet.

What is her end game?
Not sure if this of relevance, but she is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and well-educated.

Am I trying to compensate from being dumped by the ex-LO/AP from last year,
given this young lady's possible interest in me?

I don't have any limerent feelings as of right now - either towards this woman or the LO/AP from last year.

What could be going on here?
AMA210
Posts: 2385
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Is this much younger woman romantically interested in me?

Post by AMA210 »

Hello. Not sure if you are still married or not. But, if you are, then the answer to your question is simple.

Rebound limerence does exist, as I have experienced it several times. It's along the lines of, well, ok, LO rejected me, so I will just find a replacement LO.

I was a bit surprised to read about the impromptu hug, as that is rather bold, especially after just meeting someone. Since both of you are in the same industry, and you have more years of experience within that context, is it possible that she views this potential friendship as a means of getting ahead or securing a higher position? I feel there is something that is useful here for her, and perhaps especially since she continues to talk about relationships.

It's fine to be flattered by someone else's interest in us, romantic or otherwise, but perhaps there are some questions that need to be asked - like "what is she triggering within me?" and "could this become another LE?" If you find that you are thinking about her a lot or beginning to create potential interactions in your head, then you may want to make a different choice here.

Hope this helps. :)
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
virusbkk
Posts: 92
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:37 am
Hong Kong

Re: Is this much younger woman romantically interested in me?

Post by virusbkk »

AMA210 wrote: Thu Feb 10, 2022 1:04 pm Hello. Not sure if you are still married or not. But, if you are, then the answer to your question is simple.

Rebound limerence does exist, as I have experienced it several times. It's along the lines of, well, ok, LO rejected me, so I will just find a replacement LO.

I was a bit surprised to read about the impromptu hug, as that is rather bold, especially after just meeting someone. Since both of you are in the same industry, and you have more years of experience within that context, is it possible that she views this potential friendship as a means of getting ahead or securing a higher position? I feel there is something that is useful here for her, and perhaps especially since she continues to talk about relationships.

It's fine to be flattered by someone else's interest in us, romantic or otherwise, but perhaps there are some questions that need to be asked - like "what is she triggering within me?" and "could this become another LE?" If you find that you are thinking about her a lot or beginning to create potential interactions in your head, then you may want to make a different choice here.

Hope this helps. :)
Thank you for this very unique perspective that I hadn't considered. Now that you mention it, she had mentioned about wanting to transition to a role similar to mine - or at least in the same area.

Therefore, it is reasonable to conclude that this dinner invitation could be nothing more than a professional courtesy, in order to expand her network / pick my brain - I will treat it as such.

Yes, I am still married.

The only question now is do I accept.
AMA210
Posts: 2385
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Is this much younger woman romantically interested in me?

Post by AMA210 »

Glad it helped to offer a different perspective. For this particular question, my response was based on what I was getting and feeling from it intuitively.

Although, I cannot give you an answer on whether or not to accept the dinner invitation. On one hand, it could provide you with useful information, but on the other, since there seems to be attraction evident already, do you want to stand on the edge of that rabbit hole?

As all of us here know very well that it doesn't take much to activate the limerence. Are you genuinely interested in talking with someone who is familiar with the industry you are in OR has the ego been activated because a young, pretty girl gave you a hug?

The only experience that I can share came in about two years ago where there was mutual attraction and chemistry with someone I worked with. He was totally not my type, but he was 13 years younger than me, and since I was only divorced a month before we met, I will honestly say that was a definite ego trip - big time! Lots of hugs with that one, which was comforting, but turned out to be actually worse than the LO.
Since then, I have learned (and am still learning) that chemistry and attraction isn't love, even though it feels like it is. :)
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
virusbkk
Posts: 92
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:37 am
Hong Kong

Re: Is this much younger woman romantically interested in me?

Post by virusbkk »

AMA210 wrote: Fri Feb 11, 2022 12:47 am
Are you genuinely interested in talking with someone who is familiar with the industry you are in OR has the ego been activated because a young, pretty girl gave you a hug?
Honestly, a bit of both - but I'm leaning towards the former and more importantly - I want to figure out her motive.
I've decided to accept the dinner, and will report back.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Is this much younger woman romantically interested in me?

Post by L-F »

Are you intent on throwing away your marriage? Have you told your wife about your accidental meeting, and how you invited her out and now she has invited you out to dinner?

I mean .........


Come on dude.

Wake up. You have no business trying to figure her out, nor your last LO out when you haven't even figured yourself out. Have you considered if you might be AP? Maybe you are maybe you aren't? Idk.

A person running from their marriage seeking ego strokes from someone else and who isn't emotionally open and honest with their partner is possibly an AP, or at least, avoiding something.

Sit down and talk this situation out with your wife, assuming you treat each other as equals and there's respect and trust present in the relationship.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Is this much younger woman romantically interested in me?

Post by L-F »

Worth sharing...

https://youtu.be/x6_ESSfyiYE


It might help you to think things through, help identify who you are potentially hurting and who your enemy is.

Spend time flexing your emotional maturity muscles. To act like one is single will end in being single.

All the best!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
virusbkk
Posts: 92
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:37 am
Hong Kong

Re: Is this much younger woman romantically interested in me?

Post by virusbkk »

L-F wrote: Fri Feb 11, 2022 4:14 am Are you intent on throwing away your marriage? Have you told your wife about your accidental meeting, and how you invited her out and now she has invited you out to dinner?

I mean .........


Come on dude.

Wake up. You have no business trying to figure her out, nor your last LO out when you haven't even figured yourself out. Have you considered if you might be AP? Maybe you are maybe you aren't? Idk.

A person running from their marriage seeking ego strokes from someone else and who isn't emotionally open and honest with their partner is possibly an AP, or at least, avoiding something.

Sit down and talk this situation out with your wife, assuming you treat each other as equals and there's respect and trust present in the relationship.
This is how everything panned out - I explained all the details to my SO and her input was that the young lady was looking to network and possibly, gain some insight into the industry.

We all went to dinner together, had a pleasant meal. Me and the young lady talked shop, my SO had some brief interaction with the young lady as well and that was it.

All-in-all - nothing to worry about.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Is this much younger woman romantically interested in me?

Post by L-F »

Good to hear. I'm glad you involved your wife and the young lady could see you are a committed man who honors his vows. Imo, she was looking for someone to replace her father, on a Freudian level. Not worth entertaining her wound-mate wounds and emotional baggage, or trying to rescue her. Simply not worth it. Talk shop with your wife around, that way you are safe from subconscious wounds in yourself (and in her) being triggered.

And don't text her, cos it's like robbing a bank expecting not to get caught. Just like a building is full of cameras, our moral compass acts in the same way. Eventually we break.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
virusbkk
Posts: 92
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2021 7:37 am
Hong Kong

Re: Is this much younger woman romantically interested in me?

Post by virusbkk »

L-F wrote: Fri Feb 11, 2022 6:11 pm Good to hear. I'm glad you involved your wife and the young lady could see you are a committed man who honors his vows. Imo, she was looking for someone to replace her father, on a Freudian level. Not worth entertaining her wound-mate wounds and emotional baggage, or trying to rescue her. Simply not worth it. Talk shop with your wife around, that way you are safe from subconscious wounds in yourself (and in her) being triggered.

And don't text her, cos it's like robbing a bank expecting not to get caught. Just like a building is full of cameras, our moral compass acts in the same way. Eventually we break.
Yeah, I don't want to get entangled in her "daddy issues" - so I will cease all face-to-face interaction with her. Any information exchange will be strictly over e-mail.

This does raise a big question - am I really committed towards keeping my marriage? At this stage, I honestly don't know.

In some ways, things are good. But in other ways, things are terrible.

We are the classic anxious-avoidant trap and it has always been this way.

She is clingy and seeks constant affirmation ("Tell me you love me", "you didn't say you love me for a long time", "why you stopped saying I love you?" )

Consciously she fears abandonment,.but subconsciously she fears ntimacy.

I consciously fear intimacy and am cagey about words of affirmation/getting too close and vulnerable, but subconsciously I fear abandonment. "What if she leaves me?"

And to top it all, my grandfather passed away yesterday - which has triggered another set of latent emotions.
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 21 guests