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Should I Masturbate to my LO?

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
cowiteh774
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2022 5:39 am
Gender:
Canada

Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by cowiteh774 »

Hello everyone,

I have been having issues with my sexual desires for a very long time and just discovered this forum. I’m hoping you can give me some advice. Before I explain my situation, here is a little background about me:

I am a male in my twenties. I grew up in a time where kids had iPod touches and would bring them to school. Unfortunately this meant that kids could access pornography as young as 12 and would openly talk about it and share it with one another in the school yard or when the teacher wasn’t looking. Just like most young boys, I too had a very strong sex drive and would jerk off everyday. Because of my fellow classmates, I was being introduced to pornography and had little idea of how it can impact someone’s life and perception of sex. As a result of this I frequently watched porn to quench my horniness. It became normalised and I saw nothing wrong with it. Furthermore, my school never talked about it during sex education and I never had a father to guide me in regards to these sorts of things.

Background about my limerence: I have a history of developing limerence. It first happened when I was 16. I used to hurt myself because I new the LO didn’t love me back. I also have a history of social anxiety (it has gotten better as I have gotten older) and in turn could not get a girlfriend. I have developed limerence twice before, and am currently in my third, and by far the most severe episode.

My current LO: my current LO is a musician who lives on the other side of the world. She is a moderately successful underground celebrity who I have been obsessed with since June 2018. I have never had such strong feeling for anyone. She reminds of myself in many ways and I believe that we be very highly compatible If it weren’t for my limerence.
As I am a musician my self, my goal is to become successful enough so that I can get on her level and one day become acquainted with her. From there, I hope to develop a relationship with her and then ask her out. This goal has consumed my life. Nothing means more to me than getting to her. I desperately want a chance for her to get to know me and I would literally cut my fingers off if that’s what I took. I fantasise about all the time so would spend together, writing love songs, going on tours together, caring for each other, having children etc. The problem is, the intrusive thoughts about my LO prevent me from playing the music I used to love. I used practice music for 12 hours a day as I desperately wanted to live my dream of being a musician, however now that dream is taken over by my LO. Every time I pick up my guitar, or try sing, or try to play the drums, I am reminded of my LO. I am always comparing my self to her and always feel like I will never be as good a musician as her and in turn will never get acquainted with her. Because of this, I have stopped practicing music and am losing my life long dream. Music causes me pain instead of joy and catharsis.

Okay, so to explain my current situation: ever since my third episode of limerence, I have realised that porn has little value and I have started to hate it. I feel that porn doesn’t fulfil me in the same way that thinking about my LO does. Porn lacks emotional connection and makes me feel like I have been used. I’m also a little conservative when it comes to sexuality (even though I am left leaning politically). I believe that you should only have sex with or masturbate to someone you truly love. I also don’t value casual sex (although I don’t judge others). Furthermore, I believe that we are more than our physical appearance, and in turn believe that people should be valued on their personality and nature, rather than their looks, hence why I don’t like porn. I also don’t like places like hooters where management uses a woman’s looks to entice customers (I still respect those who work at or frequent hooters. Again, I don’t judge). I believe spiritual connection and love between two people is much more powerful than lust, and that sex should be byproduct of love.

Now, as I am still a young man, I have a strong sex drive and get horny everyday. Usually I would masturbate to my LO’s pictures, however I believe this is unhealthy. After years of being obsessed with my LO, I have recently decided that I need to cut myself off from her. I came to this conclusion because I have realised that it is only matter of time before my LO gets a boyfriend or gets married. I fear that day like it is the end of the world, and for me it will be, for my LO is my world. I decided right then and there that I had had enough, and that I will no longer look at my LO’s pictures, or hear her voice, or pay attention to anything to do with her. After four years I decided to try break things off, however it isn’t really working. I long to see my LOs’ face everyday and feel just as depressed without her than I did when I allowed the fantasies to take over. In spite of this, I have stayed strong and haven’t had anything to do with my LO for the last 5 weeks. It is killing me but I am holding on strong.

One of my main problems however is that I am unsure as to what to do when I get horny. I want to masturbate to pictures of my LO however I can’t as I have cut myself off from her. As a result, I have resorted to the thing I hate; porn. I try to watch porn to get away from my LO but it just doesn’t work. I don’t find any of the woman in porn anywhere near as attractive as my LO, and I have to really force myself to get off when watching it. I often end up thinking about my LO when doing it anyway. I always feel ashamed of myself afterwards and feel like I have betrayed my morals and beliefs. Unfortunately however I still wake up the next day horny as ever. I don’t want to get into the same old habit I had as a teenager of watching porn like it was nothing. I want to masturbate to my LO but I can’t. I feel sexually repressed and confused. I can try no fap but how long will I last? Do I just not jerk off for the rest of my life? I feel like I will be attached to my LO for many years to come so no fap seems futile. I am very lost at the moment. I hate porn but I keep consuming it. My counsellor suggested that I get a rub and tug as there is no emotional commitment and it is not porn, however I don’t want anyone aside from LO to touch me in a sexual way. The only solution I can think of is to masturbate while thinking about my LO, but not look at any of her pictures. I guess that is a good middle ground, however I’m scared that this will mean that I’m not letting go of my LO and turn will uphold my current condition. I’m the end I’m not sure what to do. My psychiatrist said he would prefer it if I watched porn but I hate it as opposed to think about my LO but I hate it. I don’t know what to do. I love my LO more than anything, and if I could, I would never cheat on her.

If you have any solutions on how I can deal with my limerence, or how to go about my sex drive, I would highly appreciate it.

Thanks.
Last edited by cowiteh774 on Fri Feb 11, 2022 9:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by L-F »

Welcome to the forums!

David will be the best person to chat to about addictions and/or any behaviors that negatively impact one's wellbeing.

As for masturbation, I taught my boys that it's a healthy part of one's sexuality and to never be ashamed of one's sexuality. That if one wants to play with their penis, its okay, but must he done in private. My boys never touched themselves in front of me after that (they were young), what they did in the privacy of their bedroom was their business.

Clearly you're struggling with it so David might the best person to offer support.

All the best!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
cowiteh774
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2022 5:39 am
Gender:
Canada

Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by cowiteh774 »

L-F wrote: Fri Feb 11, 2022 7:13 am Welcome to the forums!

David will be the best person to chat to about addictions and/or any behaviors that negatively impact one's wellbeing.

As for masturbation, I taught my boys that it's a healthy part of one's sexuality and to never be ashamed of one's sexuality. That if one wants to play with their penis, its okay, but must he done in private. My boys never touched themselves in front of me after that (they were young), what they did in the privacy of their bedroom was their business.

Clearly you're struggling with it so David might the best person to offer support.

All the best!
Thank you your reply.

I understand that it is healthy and natural to masturbate. I just don’t like pornography. I prefer to masturbate to someone I have feelings for as I believe sex is a very intimate and emotional act. I don’t feel right masturbating or giving away my virginity to someone I don’t care deeply for.

Also who is David and how can I communicate with him? Is he going to comment on my post? Sorry I’m new to this website and forums in general.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by L-F »

Hey there, David runs the site and reads most/all threads, so is likely to comment. Not sure how to tag him but pretty sure he'll read this thread. Having said that, the best way to chat to him is to sign up and become a paid member. David is a psychotherapist who has experienced limerence, he provides encouragement and posts resources to look at/consider. Hoping he'll add a bit here to help guide you on resources available.

Have a look around the site.

Thanks for clarifying your situation. I'd say most here masturbate to their LOs, in fact, I've only come across two people who haven't, and I've read many many threads.

I can provide support re limerence, but not porn, sorry. That's something I don't go near, no judgment from me for those who do!

Again, welcome!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
cowiteh774
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2022 5:39 am
Gender:
Canada

Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by cowiteh774 »

L-F wrote: Fri Feb 11, 2022 9:16 am Hey there, David runs the site and reads most/all threads, so is likely to comment. Not sure how to tag him but pretty sure he'll read this thread. Having said that, the best way to chat to him is to sign up and become a paid member. David is a psychotherapist who has experienced limerence, he provides encouragement and posts resources to look at/consider. Hoping he'll add a bit here to help guide you on resources available.

Have a look around the site.

Thanks for clarifying your situation. I'd say most here masturbate to their LOs, in fact, I've only come across two people who haven't, and I've read many many threads.

I can provide support re limerence, but not porn, sorry. That's something I don't go near, no judgment from me for those who do!

Again, welcome!
Thank you for the welcome and for answering my questions about David.

I just want to clarify, my issue isn’t about whether it is ok to masturbate to your LO, but rather if is ok to do so during No Contact. I’m asking this as I don’t have any other sexual release aside from porn (which I hate).

I see you you are unable to provide support regarding porn so I understand if you can’t answer my question.

Regards.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by L-F »

cowiteh774 wrote: Fri Feb 11, 2022 9:34 am I just want to clarify, my issue isn’t about whether it is ok to masturbate to your LO, but rather if is ok to do so during No Contact
Let me get this straight. You're asking if it's okay to masturbate with LO in your head whilst healing from limerence? Imo yes! Yes its okay and normal. I don't know many limerents who think of others while masturbating. And good luck to you if you can!

Now if you're asking about porn addiction, that's a different topic. There's tons of info on the web about that.

What goes through our head is private to us and the same goes for our partners. I don't consider it cheating. On the other hand, I also consider it a barrier to truly connecting to our partners on every level. Those that are in LTRs have to ask, is it sex or lovemaking I'm doing? Some people want sex outside of the marriage when what they are really seeking is the connection lovemaking brings.

Hey you're single. Enjoy your body and don't stress about who's on your mind so long as you don't tell them or hurt them in real life. But that's my 2cents worth. Others may have a different view.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
cowiteh774
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2022 5:39 am
Gender:
Canada

Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by cowiteh774 »

L-F wrote: Fri Feb 11, 2022 5:11 pm
cowiteh774 wrote: Fri Feb 11, 2022 9:34 am I just want to clarify, my issue isn’t about whether it is ok to masturbate to your LO, but rather if is ok to do so during No Contact
Let me get this straight. You're asking if it's okay to masturbate with LO in your head whilst healing from limerence? Imo yes! Yes its okay and normal. I don't know many limerents who think of others while masturbating. And good luck to you if you can!

Now if you're asking about porn addiction, that's a different topic. There's tons of info on the web about that.

What goes through our head is private to us and the same goes for our partners. I don't consider it cheating. On the other hand, I also consider it a barrier to truly connecting to our partners on every level. Those that are in LTRs have to ask, is it sex or lovemaking I'm doing? Some people want sex outside of the marriage when what they are really seeking is the connection lovemaking brings.

Hey you're single. Enjoy your body and don't stress about who's on your mind so long as you don't tell them or hurt them in real life. But that's my 2cents worth. Others may have a different view.
Thank your you reply. I feel a lot better about masturbating to my LO after hearing that it is okay.
I am scared however that I am going to find myself crawling right back into the limerence hell hole if allow my sexual fantasies in. For example, I might start off masturbating while thinking about my LO, then I might become desensitised to that and need to see her images on google. Then I might need to see her Instagram. All of the sudden I will be right back where I started.

Either way, at least I don’t have to subject my self to porn.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by L-F »

I have to ask, do you think you are limerent, or have you worked your way out of it?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
cowiteh774
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2022 5:39 am
Gender:
Canada

Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by cowiteh774 »

L-F wrote: Fri Feb 11, 2022 11:00 pm I have to ask, do you think you are limerent, or have you worked your way out of it?
Hi,

I am absolutely still limerent. I think about my LO constantly. I can’t get off sexually without thinking about her. Im constantly having conversations with the imaginary version of her in my head. She has taken over my inner monologue. I’m still reluctant to practice music because of her, and am very depressed. I’m currently doing no contact but I haven’t felt the benefits of it yet. It has been 5 weeks since I started NC.
AMA210
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United States of America

Re: Should I Masturbate to my LO?

Post by AMA210 »

@LF: "Thanks for clarifying your situation. I'd say most here masturbate to their LOs, in fact, I've only come across two people who haven't, and I've read many many threads.

Thanks for the giggle on this. After I read it, my first thought was: well, I am definitely not one of the two who haven't." Just goes with the territory, it seems. :)
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
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