Celebrity limerence

[OCDlimerent]

Hi all,

So I haven’t been here in ages. The LO I had years ago left my workplace, I had long-term therapy, I thought limerence was in my past.

However, recently I’ve started obsessing over the celebrity Zendaya. It’s been years since I had a celebrity obsession. I see women I fancy on TV but that’s normal, this feels unhealthy. I’ve been working at home since Covid and I think if I had been around people it maybe would have taken root with someone I know, but in the absence of that my affections have focused on her.

I’ve been struggling mentally recently, having OCD issues with my job, feeling lonely and that no one likes me, having some issues with my wife and feeling suicidal. I would guess that’s why I’m going through this? I’d seen Zendaya in things before and thought she was cute but then forgot all about it. I saw the latest Spider-Man film recently and suddenly it was like wham! I’m totally in love. I started watching this series she’s in, Euphoria, I’ve been listening to her music, watching videos of her, looking at photos, I changed my laptop wallpaper to a photos of her. I literally can’t stop thinking about her and it’s driving me insane.

I’m still under the care of my therapist until the end of April. I spoke to her about this and she said I was beating myself up too much and it’s not the same thing I used to struggle with. Does it sound obsessive, though? It feels like it to me. I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet and my brain immediately starts thinking about her.

Life is so boring lately, it’s hard to know how to get over this. I’ve been trying to go and see people but whilst I have fun while I’m out, as soon as I’m on my own again I feel depressed. And it’s not like the thoughts go when I’m busy. I went out with a new friend last night and spent half the evening talking about Zendaya!

[L-F]

Hey OCDL
Reaching out to say sorry things aren't rosey right now. Mental wellness is extremely important and a few red flags popped up. They were things like you mentioning your obsession didn't sit well with you regardless of what your T said.

I think coming here to get that off your chest felt good and that it's not advice you want, but recognition that limerence sucks. And it does! Just a quick question, have you considered journaling? Maybe you already do? You've got a lot of insight that's for sure.

Good thing you can come here to talk about those limerent feelings/thoughts. Mate, we get ya! And we're here to awhi (embrace with loving support) each other, be cheerleaders, etc. I've had my fair share of support over the years, so keep reaching out even if it's to offload.

Can't add anything more other than sorry you're struggling at present!

[cowiteh774]

Hi,

Thank you for sharing. I am in a similar situation. My LO is a musician who I have been obsessed with for the last 4 years. 5 weeks ago I decided to do ‘No Contact’. It has been very gruelling and I haven’t felt the benefits of it yet, however I’m hoping they will come. The reason I am telling you this is because I believe No Contact could help you as well. This would mean avoid looking at Zendayas’ pictures, removing her as your screen saver etc. the trouble however is that it can be hard to let go of someone when you have such strong feelings for them. Sometimes I think it is best to go through the motions and really feel the limerence. I know it will be a painful experience knowing that you will never be with Zendaya, but I believe you must go through it in order to reach the breaking point where you say enough is enough. Then you can start doing No Contact.

The other option is to do No Contact now. This will be extremely difficult as your feelings are still new and will be at their highest peak. It could however save you years of distress in the long run.

Ultimately it is up to you, however in my not so professional opinion, these are your two options.

[AMA210]

Hello.
I've had celebrity crushes that quickly became limerence. One when I was very young (age 10) of a teen idol and then was reactivated about 30 years later, and lasted for about three years.

In a few words - it's a distraction.
A distraction from reality.

It helps to relieve the boredom and makes you feel better, until it doesn't and before realizing what is happening, it becomes an obsession and you think about this distraction all of the time 24/7. I think this happens most often with other people, but it could be with actual objects too, like cars, TV shows, or video games. It could be literally anything. My long history with addiction has taught me much, but there is one truth that stands out and it is that it's an all or nothing deal. Once it becomes obsession, then there are two choices. Either you engage with it or you don't. There is no in between. So, if you think about this celebrity three days a week, instead of seven, that is like trying to manage it. I have done this many, many times over the course of different addictions, and until one realizes that doing that just keeps one stuck in the same place, nothing can change.

Anything that is outside of ourselves has the potential to become an addiction/obsession, so it is very important that we look for and find the answers within. Have you heard of affirmations? A few words about yourself every day...I am enough, I am thoughtful, etc.

All of the time and energy that is being invested in this celebrity could be invested in you! (and you deserve every bit of it). Try to turn that focus back to yourself. Yes, it will be hard initially, and it does take practice, but, invest in the most important person in your life - you!

[Zsababy]

This is the second post like this that I can relate to. I too have a celebrity crush and it's all-consuming. My psychiatrist isn't sure if it's OCD related (especially the intrusive thoughts) or if it's low-level mania (I'm bipolar) with a dash of hypersexuality.

But I too have pictures on my phone. I follow them on Twitter which is probably the worst thing I could do but I still enjoy it so much.

I too have issues in my relationship. So I think people like us have compensatory fantasies for what is missing or lacking in our relationships. I'm trying to find a therapist to help with this. I suggest you discuss your real-life relationship and where it is lacking.

I think limerance is a mixture of addiction, hard-wiring for intrusive thoughts, and a mental affair and a vacation from boredom all wrapped into one.

I think for people like us it's like how people may drink to deal with & escape from their job: we fantasize to deal or escape our relationship. We just disconnect & avoid reality.

[Zsababy]

Btw you can talk to me any time about this. I can totally relate & am looking to discuss my problem with people in the same boat.

[OCDlimerent]

I’ll reply to each post individually shortly but I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for your replies. It makes me feel less alone knowing I have support

[OCDlimerent]

Hey OCDL
Reaching out to say sorry things aren't rosey right now. Mental wellness is extremely important and a few red flags popped up. They were things like you mentioning your obsession didn't sit well with you regardless of what your T said.

I think coming here to get that off your chest felt good and that it's not advice you want, but recognition that limerence sucks. And it does! Just a quick question, have you considered journaling? Maybe you already do? You've got a lot of insight that's for sure.

Good thing you can come here to talk about those limerent feelings/thoughts. Mate, we get ya! And we're here to awhi (embrace with loving support) each other, be cheerleaders, etc. I've had my fair share of support over the years, so keep reaching out even if it's to offload.

Can't add anything more other than sorry you're struggling at present!

Thanks for the kind words I occasionally write a journal but the trouble is it turns into a tirade at myself for being worthless and I tend to write how everyone hates me- that’s all part of my borderline personality disorder. I guess it might work if I make a concerted effort not to beat myself up!

[OCDlimerent]

Hi,

Thank you for sharing. I am in a similar situation. My LO is a musician who I have been obsessed with for the last 4 years. 5 weeks ago I decided to do ‘No Contact’. It has been very gruelling and I haven’t felt the benefits of it yet, however I’m hoping they will come. The reason I am telling you this is because I believe No Contact could help you as well. This would mean avoid looking at Zendayas’ pictures, removing her as your screen saver etc. the trouble however is that it can be hard to let go of someone when you have such strong feelings for them. Sometimes I think it is best to go through the motions and really feel the limerence. I know it will be a painful experience knowing that you will never be with Zendaya, but I believe you must go through it in order to reach the breaking point where you say enough is enough. Then you can start doing No Contact.

The other option is to do No Contact now. This will be extremely difficult as your feelings are still new and will be at their highest peak. It could however save you years of distress in the long run.

Ultimately it is up to you, however in my not so professional opinion, these are your two options.

Thanks I mean I’m not delusional, I’ve got more chance of winning the lottery than being with Zendaya! I’m female, for a start, and she’s a bit younger than me. Doesn’t stop me from longing for her, though.

I’m still watching Euphoria and there are 3 episodes left. My wife and I binge watched the first series and the first few episodes of the second, but we’ve caught up now and it’s only on once a week so that’s forced me to have to ration it anyway. There’s also a film with her in that I plan on watching this week as I have a few days off work. My wife doesn’t want to watch it as she thinks it looks boring. It does a bit, to be fair, but she looks so hot in it. I know I shouldn’t watch it, but I can’t stop myself. Maybe when that’s all finished, I can try no contact. Although she’s everywhere right now.

You have to laugh at this- I googled celebrity crushes and if they were unhealthy and found an interesting page about it. I got halfway down and there’s a photo of Zendaya with the caption ‘could your daydreams about Zendaya be a symptom of burnout?’

!!! What hope is there if she’s so popular they even use her as an example of a celebrity crush!

[OCDlimerent]

Hello.
I've had celebrity crushes that quickly became limerence. One when I was very young (age 10) of a teen idol and then was reactivated about 30 years later, and lasted for about three years.

In a few words - it's a distraction.
A distraction from reality.

It helps to relieve the boredom and makes you feel better, until it doesn't and before realizing what is happening, it becomes an obsession and you think about this distraction all of the time 24/7. I think this happens most often with other people, but it could be with actual objects too, like cars, TV shows, or video games. It could be literally anything. My long history with addiction has taught me much, but there is one truth that stands out and it is that it's an all or nothing deal. Once it becomes obsession, then there are two choices. Either you engage with it or you don't. There is no in between. So, if you think about this celebrity three days a week, instead of seven, that is like trying to manage it. I have done this many, many times over the course of different addictions, and until one realizes that doing that just keeps one stuck in the same place, nothing can change.

Anything that is outside of ourselves has the potential to become an addiction/obsession, so it is very important that we look for and find the answers within. Have you heard of affirmations? A few words about yourself every day...I am enough, I am thoughtful, etc.

All of the time and energy that is being invested in this celebrity could be invested in you! (and you deserve every bit of it). Try to turn that focus back to yourself. Yes, it will be hard initially, and it does take practice, but, invest in the most important person in your life - you!

Thanks, yeah I think this is spot on. Reality has got very boring for me lately. I’ve started booking things like a visit to a theme park for adrenaline rushes, and arranging to see friends more. I’m also trying to find more time to do things I enjoy doing and not always things I feel I should be doing. Maybe that will help.