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Feel like I'm going mad

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Feel like I'm going mad

Post by IvB »

Did it help you? Please, don't think that you will always be in this pain, I promise it will go away. Don't do any rush decisions when you feel low. These highs and lows are typical for limerence and they will get better.

I let my relationship just go its way and thought it will always be good. And then covid came and I was only at home and discovered that I didn't have many friends and that in my relationship the excitement and spark and intimacy is missing. And LO made me feel beautiful and clever and interesting and desired and admired, that was just so new and exciting! I craved this validation because in general I have a low self confidence. Right now I am working on my social life and making my life "not boring". Also trying to do more together with SO. My feelings towards him are not the same as before, sometimes it's a struggle with myself but it's getting a bit better.
Mademistakes
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2022 5:31 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Feel like I'm going mad

Post by Mademistakes »

Hi there

You are right. I can't blame him for moving on. I know he can't wait forever for me. I'm just sad he moved on so quickly and didn't even warn me he had met someone so I didn't have to hear it elsewhere. Now I look back on everything I think he lied about a lot of things to me

You could be right, it could be that i just have a broken heart. I just happened to read about Limerence and I felt like I had some of the symptoms. Seeing all the good things about the person / obsessively thinking about them / feeling like I can't live without them etc. I suppose those could also be symptoms of rejection/the end of a relationship though

Thank you
Mademistakes
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2022 5:31 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Feel like I'm going mad

Post by Mademistakes »

IVB - I am the same. I've always had low confidence. I'm not sure why. I need to get to the root of it. I'm going to see a confidence counsellor and see if I can figure it out. I no longer want to rely on other people to make me feel good about myself
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Feel like I'm going mad

Post by IvB »

That's a good decision, let me know how it's going! Keeping my fingers crossed for you :x
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Feel like I'm going mad

Post by L-F »

Mademistakes wrote: Sun Feb 27, 2022 7:30 pm You could be right, it could be that i just have a broken heart.
And you may also be limerent. Best to give yourself time to process the ____ (insert whatever you are feeling) resulting from the rejection and then see how you feel. You may end up feeling angry yet not limerent, or angry and limerent. Nobody but you will be able to tell.

I always find myself grieving from just about everything that happens to me. If I were in your situation I'd be grieving the loss of a friend, confidant, potential lover, fantasy, hope, self worth (how I felt/acted around them), dopamine, etc etc...

Give yourself time and then look at unpacking limerence if you feel you are still obsessed with him. Whatever happens, you'll get through it. As IvB mentioned, the pain will eventually fade.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Mademistakes
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2022 5:31 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Feel like I'm going mad

Post by Mademistakes »

Hi all

Well I'm over 6 months in. Just thought I would let you know how I was doing. I'm a lot better, I'm living my life and I'm OK. I wanted to say thank you for the positive words and non judgement of my situation

I still think about the LO most days at random times but no where near as much as I did. I haven't heard anything from him and I haven't seen him. Dare I say, I feel stronger as a person and more confident in some respects. I am concentrating on me and making things better for myself

I still hate him at times and other times I miss him. A mutual friend talks about him occasionally and how happy he is with his new gf. When I hear those things it makes my heart race and the sadness kicks in but it is fleeting. I'm not out of the woods yet. My relationship is content and I am glad to be out of such a confusing situation. It was a stupid mistake. I do still have moments where I wonder what could have been but fantasy and reality are two different things

Hopefully I will continue to get stronger and can learn from this stupid mistake

I definitely feel like my insecurities cause me to get into situations that I shouldn't be in. I think sometimes I feel worthless if I am not being told I'm beautiful, special etc etc. Im learning to be kind to myself and not look for that approval in others

I hope everyone is well here x
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Feel like I'm going mad

Post by Zsababy »

First off, so sorry that it got so bad. Always remember, no man is worth dying over. No one is worth more than *you*.

Second, I'm proud of you (though I don't know you) that you stood up for yourself & protected yourself over his contacting you afterwards. Good job! Not easy to do. So you've taken a big step in the right direction.

Overall, I'd say be extra gentle and caring with yourself & get a therapist if you don't have one. If you were close to hanging yourself, you *must* talk to a professional and have someone who can oversee your well-being. We can help the best we can, but you will need a pro in your corner. This is as serious as it gets; don't delay: get a therapist now if you don't have one.

For me, it also helps to write things out. Since you're married, it might be tough because you don't want to your spouse to find out. We have a disclosure thread where we disclose, in an imaginary sense, what we want to say to this person. Maybe you could put your thoughts there. I put mine in my Google Keepnotes & a journal. I hide the journal; I also don't live with my SO, though.

But writing is helpful; I often use it to remind myself & give myself reality checks, like I'll say "he's not going to get with you-let it go". I already know this, but I need to remind myself frequently as I'm prone to delusions. For you, your weak spot is that you have unmet needs. I'd say to myself, "this guy isn't really going to meet my needs because he's pathologically selfish". Remind yourself that he will only hurt you etc etc. Remind yourself that what feels good in the short term can cause agony in the long term

Also, you might want to see if there are any childhood experiences that gave you a negative relationship, like what was your parents' marriage like, what was your bond with them, etc. If there is trauma or dysfunction there, then David's resources might help, there's also a YouTube channel called The Crappy Childhood Fairy. She's extremely insightful but in a gentle way. She talks about complex post-traumatic stress disorder from childhood & its relationship to limerance. This would also be a major focal point in therapy.

Take care of yourself & keep coming here!

PS I've been suicidal many times (hospitalized), so I get it. But I also know that you can't treat that lightly when it passes. You have to invest in professional treatment; I can't emphasize this enough.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Feel like I'm going mad

Post by Zsababy »

Oops! Didn't read the whole thread! Sounds like you're doing a lot better. But I'd still give the same advice ;)
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Feel like I'm going mad

Post by L-F »

Mademistakes wrote: Mon Sep 05, 2022 5:39 pm Im learning to be kind to myself and not look for that approval in others
:x
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Feel like I'm going mad

Post by IvB »

Mademistakes wrote: Mon Sep 05, 2022 5:39 pm I definitely feel like my insecurities cause me to get into situations that I shouldn't be in. I think sometimes I feel worthless if I am not being told I'm beautiful, special etc etc. Im learning to be kind to myself and not look for that approval in others
Same with me! It's very hard to learn this though.
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