BECOME A MEMBER AND EMBRACE EXCLUSIVE ACCESS
Unlock exclusive features and connect with like-minded individuals by upgrading to our premium membership.
As a member, you'll gain access to our members-only forums, where you can:
Engage in meaningful discussions: Read, create, and search all threads and posts, fostering a vibrant community of like-minded individuals.
Establish deeper connections: Utilize our private messaging system to connect with other members on a personal level, fostering meaningful relationships.
Enjoy these benefits and more for just $2.99 per month, payable securely via PayPal.
Membership is flexible, allowing you to cancel anytime without any hassle.
Sign up today and embark on a journey of personal growth and connection. Join our community of passionate individuals and unlock a world of possibilities.

Click https://limerence.net/membership-accoun ... p-checkout

What's Behind The Appeal Of Younger Partners

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
Post Reply
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5666
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

What's Behind The Appeal Of Younger Partners

Post by JupiterTaco »

This situation plus some other things which I’ll talk about really has me wondering, what is it that is so appealing about the idea of younger partners to older people. I’ve heard the general idea that being with someone younger can make one feel young again, and this is something that people who were taught to value themselves by their youth may look for, either consciously or unconsciously.

I’ve always been the opposite. Though family and society seemed to try really hard to make me feel that my value was in my youth or perceived youth and keeping the appearance of it, I never truly valued it myself. I hated being a young woman, I would never want to be that again, and I can’t personally understand why anybody else would want to aside from maybe the idea of being able to start over and have all one’s mistakes erased and the sense of time back or maybe even the idea of starting again with the knowledge one wouldn’t have had the first time around.

I’m bisexual and I guess the difference in attraction to men versus women in my case is somewhat interesting to me. I’m fairly open-minded about partners but I prefer men to be around the same age as me probably because of past experiences being love-bombed by older people. I also have a tendency to attract younger men which could be a topic in itself. Though this has always grossed me out, in some ways I guess I wondered if I should do it because it would help my intimacy issues and make me feel safe, particularly as a young teenager who found myself afraid of guys and even other gals who on average were much taller than me and intimidating. In reality I know this wouldn’t work and very likely intimacy wouldn’t work for me for many of these reasons and more.

Nevertheless, the recent attraction to my younger coworker, whom I’m certain it was mostly his personality and actions that made me attracted to him, got me thinking. I remember the struggle it was to keep a specific distance with this guy and how that in itself ended up becoming harder than my headache of a former job.

But when I started watching a Dr. Phil episode about a female teacher who’d crossed the line with her former student and was facing lifetime sexual offender registration I could see aspects of myself in her that brought me back not only to past LOs of all ages (my past five were either my age or older) but this experience.

It was sad for me to realize that I, who had four years of literal isolation from other people and learned to finally validate myself before ending up back in this situation with my mother started undoing it all, how much backward I’ve actually gone in my healing because of this. Though I could clearly see it with my situation with my former coworker unlike times before, which helped, ultimately I could start to feel myself slip because it just felt so damn good to have someone looking out for me and attempting to validate me. And for some reason which I may have discussed, I’ve only ever been limerent for men, aside from possibly my first best friend which I’ve talked about but that was years ago.

When it comes to women though, I’m attracted to older women. There’s something so alluring to me about an older, sophisticated woman, even if just on TV, which I was reminded of just this morning watching scenes from the queer-friendly show or movie called Bloomington, about a college professor who has a reputation for sleeping with students. She zeroes in on one student, a grossly-young-looking new student who is standing alone.
Amongst the cringe-worthy scenes I saw of their “romance”, was of this teacher telling the student that maybe she should listen in a flirty way when the potential student admits that she was advised to avoid this woman, who then kisses her.

Another scene is of them getting together the first time and the woman reminds her to “breathe” in a sultry way. I could go on and on but I won’t. Anyway I think one of the reasons I couldn’t just stop watching it was because the older woman, the actress who was portraying this teacher, was so fucking hot, I just started pretending the other girl wasn’t there, and pretending I couldn’t hear their every cringe-worthy interaction during at times rather hot intimacy and love scenes, which bothered me quite a bit but moving on.

Yes, I can see why they chose the woman as the teacher. Good job there. Only I’m really starting to get worried by the never-ending stream of movies that seems to depict if not teenagers having sex with adults, then coming-of-age young people of any gender or sexuality having sex with people who are supposed to be guiding them in the world and not exploiting them.

I also saw in front of my own eyes for the first time, how it looks when an adult and a much-younger person regardless of legal status get together. This is coming from someone who knew my first ex was not only ten years older than me and very manipulative and even looked older, had no idea how we might have looked to the outside world but had an idea.

I’ve also seen many other movies that focus on such things but which the age difference was less obvious probably because the younger one may not have necessarily looked the part; such as Finch with Stifler’s mom in the American Pie series; Annabelle in Loving Annabelle, or another one I never even watched about a female teacher who had a relationship with an underage athletic boy who towered over her. And this was one thing that was said on the Dr. Phil episode when the one female teacher was asked whether she’d seen her student as a boy or a man. She’d said something along the lines of neither, and that it was hard to see him as a boy because he was so tall, when Dr. Phil insisted he was a boy.

I always figured that men’s attraction to younger women was arguably partially biological and something they couldn’t really control but I couldn’t really wrap my head around this idea surrounding women until I saw this and it kind of clicked for me but still, ew…and doesn’t excuse a friggin’ thing.

My recent former coworker was barely taller than me and though possibly around his mid-twenties and I in my late-thirties, I understand that no matter how mature he may act (I was often told growing up I was mature for my age for as long as I can remember because I had to be to stay safe at home) I know that I’ve changed so much just in the last five years and certainly more than that going further back. I can barely remember the young me who had picked a specific career plan and wanted a specific type of partner etc. Yet we expect everyone to make these decisions before they’ve even crossed that elusive line between child and adult?

It's worth noting that I remember what it was like to be a young woman who was constantly scoped like a piece of meat and knew innately that it was because of my youth. And of course I had the double-whammy of looking younger than my age which was at least part of the reason I feared I attracted much younger guys for as long as I could remember, as well as people who likely had a young girl fetish or just someone who saw me as easy to manipulate or both at least partially because of it. And how scary that was.

And I could say that I noticed it a lot more as I suddenly became of legal age, but the truth is, I was much younger than that when it started. I don’t want to go into details here but yes, I know these things affected my ability to be intimate with other people and I’m sure a lot of people can relate. That’s why it is beyond triggering and gross to me when an adult takes such a vulnerable time in a young person’s life, and not just that, but the experience they could be using to create healthy relationships with people on their own level and ruin their first kiss, first touch, first love and turn it into something that could trigger them and ruin them for the rest of their lives instead of taking their adult responsibilities seriously just because they’re placing what they’re missing in their own lives on some younger person who may be seriously vulnerable when they themselves start pursuing an older person.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: What's Behind The Appeal Of Younger Partners

Post by L-F »

Why does someone like butter while someone else likes margarine? Preferences.

When I read the question "what is it that is so appealing about the idea of younger partners to older people"... preferences.
Biological/neurological wiring might play a part, as well as upbringing, unconscious drivers, egos, etc. Someone liking a younger partner would be no different to you liking an older female partner. Some people like redheads, while others prefer blondes. We like what we like but it doesn't mean we can't restrain ourselves.

On a different note, I really enjoyed Being Lolita: A Memoir by Alisson Wood. That might hold some answers for you. Worth a read. And you're right, it is gross an adult crossing those lines and potentially setting a young person up to a life of misery trying to unravel the abuse [of power]. Being Lolita is a perfect example and a feel good book when she takes control of her life once she realizes the psychological and physical abuse that had taken place and the damage it caused.

Note to those men who fancy young females, your desire for a firm body can really eff up a young lady for life. Sex vs psychological safety. The female loses every time. That's why I always throw the question at older men oogling a younger female "how would you like your daughter, sister, mother projected upon like that?" Of course women can do the same, you only have to look the teacher's case that you spoke of JT.

There's nothing sexy about an older man with a young female. I can't help but think of it as Epsteinian behavior (Jeffrey Edward Epstein).

JT, awkward question that you can ignore (obviously), out of curiosity, was your 'firsts' with an older person?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: What's Behind The Appeal Of Younger Partners

Post by L-F »

Imagine all the Lolitas around the world waking up in therapy! Youza... would not look pretty for some men.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5666
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: What's Behind The Appeal Of Younger Partners

Post by JupiterTaco »

Actually a few of my “firsts” were with childhood best friend’s brother who was my age (she was two years younger than us). The first guy I dated after high school was a few years older than me and my first ex was about ten years older than me. Then the two guys I dated after that were a few years younger than me, go figure lol. What about you?

I'll have to read that. I saw the movie Lolita and it was very disturbing to me. The abusive, desperate mother and all that. But it kind of came across to me like this man was fixated particularly on this girl, it didn't seem like a fetish for that age group or something.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: What's Behind The Appeal Of Younger Partners

Post by L-F »

I think you'll enjoy the book. It's a repulsive subject yet the way she takes her reader on her personal journey is phenomenal. Well written and you are left clapping at the end. Definitely worth a read.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3859
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Age: 64
Great Britain

Re: What's Behind The Appeal Of Younger Partners

Post by David »

Another good read on this topic which also expands the theme which for me is about power and control is the following book

Sex in the Forbidden Zone: When Men in Power-Therapists, Doctors, Clergy, Teachers, and Others-Betray Women's Trust

Sex in the Forbidden Zone: When Men in Power-Therapists, Doctors, Clergy, Teachers, and Others-Betray Women's Trust

And let’s not forget that there is also a proportion of women paedophiles, some statistics say around 20%, however it just goes under reported as compared to when men abuse young girls and boys
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5666
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: What's Behind The Appeal Of Younger Partners

Post by JupiterTaco »

Thanks, will check it out!
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: What's Behind The Appeal Of Younger Partners

Post by L-F »

David wrote: Mon Mar 07, 2022 7:37 am And let’s not forget that there is also a proportion of women paedophiles, some statistics say around 20%, however it just goes under reported as compared to when men abuse young girls and boys
True. Though the above got me thinking, I wonder how a child who, well lets just say has faulty wiring, views cuddles (maternalistic type cuddles, non-sexual), by anyone other than their mother who maybe emotional detached from their child? Im thinking about children who display antisocial behavior from a young age. Sorry, went off topic!

As for the book i mentioned, one thing that stuck out was the author getting the reader to really reflect upon the size difference of a young males penis (say 17-18 yrs old) to that of a grown man to get the reader to understand that, age matters.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 22 guests