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I'm new here and I need to share something

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
Limerentme
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun May 01, 2022 8:54 pm
Slovakia

I'm new here and I need to share something

Post by Limerentme »

When your limerence ended, have you felt empty?

Now when I'm free from it, I need to find new meaning, purpose and goals. It felt like I didn't know who I was anymore without the limerence. If everything was attached to that person and then I cut them off, it is strange feeling of just starting over. New people, new connections, new aspirations.

When I needed help the most the only explanation was spiritual. Tarot readers and astrologers told me he was my twin flame or soulmate.

I'm recovering from this beliefs.
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5666
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: I'm new here and I need to share something

Post by JupiterTaco »

It seems to be a very common thing here on the forum. It is considered an addiction and I think dopamine is a huge factor. In fact dopamine addiction can also be fed by things like endlessly scrolling the internet. It's all a huge addiction. I keep meaning to share a documentary I've been watching about dopamine addiction, probably will now, but it is a huge thing. Healing from any addiction and the chemical affects it had on your brain is very real, very tough and very time-consuming. Much of what can be done is simply waiting and trying to distract oneself while still feeling your feelings. None of it is going to happen overnight. Try to think of what your perfect life would look like and research plans to get there. I hope this helps!
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: I'm new here and I need to share something

Post by Zsababy »

JupiterTaco wrote: Sun May 01, 2022 10:15 pm It seems to be a very common thing here on the forum. It is considered an addiction and I think dopamine is a huge factor. In fact dopamine addiction can also be fed by things like endlessly scrolling the internet. It's all a huge addiction. I keep meaning to share a documentary I've been watching about dopamine addiction, probably will now, but it is a huge thing. Healing from any addiction and the chemical affects it had on your brain is very real, very tough and very time-consuming. Much of what can be done is simply waiting and trying to distract oneself while still feeling your feelings. None of it is going to happen overnight. Try to think of what your perfect life would look like and research plans to get there. I hope this helps!
You are not alone and I second Jupiter's take. Mine was like a crack addiction but now I've scaled it back to regular cocaine use lol. I'm trying to get back to creative things.

Remember that there are a lot of worthwhile things out there, like volunteering. When I volunteered at an animal shelter, it helped with the isolation of temp disability. It helps to focus on real-life issues. Of course, you don't want to burn yourself out, but when I had severe depression, I worked with homeless folks. You have to know your limits, but dealing with worse problems can give you gratitude for what you have in the real world that you may have neglected while expending all your energies chasing an illusion.

I try to remind myself (not successfully) that I haven't really lost anything that wasn't mine to begin with. Right now, I'm trying to wish this person well in their future as it projects my affection onto while accepting the fact that I will not be a part of that future with them.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: I'm new here and I need to share something

Post by Zsababy »

Also, beware of parapsychology & occult perpetuating illusions of "destiny" with that person. I have read much about the compatibility of my & my LOs zodiac sign and it's another trap of wishful thinking. It can feel real if you're at the height of your euphoria but remember that you're just using those forms to tell yourself what you want to hear & that tarot cards don't reveal actual realities. It's pretty much random but you can read into it whatever you want to hear.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: I'm new here and I need to share something

Post by L-F »

Zsababy wrote: Sun May 01, 2022 11:41 pm Also, beware of parapsychology & occult perpetuating illusions of "destiny" with that person. I have read much about the compatibility of my & my LOs zodiac sign and it's another trap of wishful thinking. It can feel real if you're at the height of your euphoria but remember that you're just using those forms to tell yourself what you want to hear & that tarot cards don't reveal actual realities. It's pretty much random but you can read into it whatever you want to hear.
So true! And yet, I do believe in spirituality. I guess the truth always lies within? I believe in soul contracts to a degree in that we create our destiny by who or what we allow in it. I also believe in karma though haven't given it the respect (study wise) that it deserves. One could say believing in God is wishful thinking?

I feel what we choose to believe in serves a purpose in our lives at the point where we need it the most. Beliefs change, it's always good to question them.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: I'm new here and I need to share something

Post by L-F »

Welcome to the forum Limerentme! and yes, I felt empty for a long time after limerence ended. The question that lingered was "what now?"
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: I'm new here and I need to share something

Post by Zsababy »

L-F wrote: Mon May 02, 2022 12:09 am
Zsababy wrote: Sun May 01, 2022 11:41 pm
So true! And yet, I do believe in spirituality. I guess the truth always lies within? I believe in soul contracts to a degree in that we create our destiny by who or what we allow in it. I also believe in karma though haven't given it the respect (study wise) that it deserves. One could say believing in God is wishful thinking?

I feel what we choose to believe in serves a purpose in our lives at the point where we need it the most. Beliefs change, it's always good to question them.
I was mostly speaking regarding the limerant angle. I'm actually agnostic & practice (half-assed) psychological alchemy & agnostic psychology-based Chaos Magic. (It sounds silly, but it's basically about using belief & ritual to reprogram your mind, break bad patterns & transform yourself)

I myself use Voyager Tarot, but it's a very unique deck meant for self-development, not predicting the future. I've used it to ask about what I should learn from my LO or the whole experience & it usually comes up with creativity (many of the cards do). So I do believe that spirituality can help you but that magical thinking can be dangerous, especially where limerance is concerned.

I seriously spent time researching this guy's sign (Aries) & mine (Scorpio). I of course loved the results as it said it's a very sexually powerful combo so of course I LOVED that! 😂😂 But some of his alleged Aries traits don't sound like him at all so the whole thing is just chance coincidence of *some* qualities & a lot of wishful thinking. Of course I *want* to hear that we'd have hot sex! 😂
Limerentme
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun May 01, 2022 8:54 pm
Slovakia

Re: I'm new here and I need to share something

Post by Limerentme »

Zsababy wrote: Sun May 01, 2022 11:35 pm
JupiterTaco wrote: Sun May 01, 2022 10:15 pm It seems to be a very common thing here on the forum. It is considered an addiction and I think dopamine is a huge factor. In fact dopamine addiction can also be fed by things like endlessly scrolling the internet. It's all a huge addiction. I keep meaning to share a documentary I've been watching about dopamine addiction, probably will now, but it is a huge thing. Healing from any addiction and the chemical affects it had on your brain is very real, very tough and very time-consuming. Much of what can be done is simply waiting and trying to distract oneself while still feeling your feelings. None of it is going to happen overnight. Try to think of what your perfect life would look like and research plans to get there. I hope this helps!
You are not alone and I second Jupiter's take. Mine was like a crack addiction but now I've scaled it back to regular cocaine use lol. I'm trying to get back to creative things.

Remember that there are a lot of worthwhile things out there, like volunteering. When I volunteered at an animal shelter, it helped with the isolation of temp disability. It helps to focus on real-life issues. Of course, you don't want to burn yourself out, but when I had severe depression, I worked with homeless folks. You have to know your limits, but dealing with worse problems can give you gratitude for what you have in the real world that you may have neglected while expending all your energies chasing an illusion.

I try to remind myself (not successfully) that I haven't really lost anything that wasn't mine to begin with. Right now, I'm trying to wish this person well in their future as it projects my affection onto while accepting the fact that I will not be a part of that future with them.


I believe in volunteering and I have been involved in things like that for many years. It has value.

The problem with limerence was that I kept having some life, I was doing things, but I didn't feel any satisfaction.
The only satisfaction was just interacting with him. Nothing else was meaningful.

I was doing things and I was not there. Now, when I find some meaning without him it's so fresh and different.
The situation to get used to.

I'm just afraid of getting into that state again with someone else. So I'm more careful with romantic feelings.

Thank you for your replies and understanding 🤗
Limerentme
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun May 01, 2022 8:54 pm
Slovakia

Re: I'm new here and I need to share something

Post by Limerentme »

Zsababy wrote: Mon May 02, 2022 1:55 pm
L-F wrote: Mon May 02, 2022 12:09 am
Zsababy wrote: Sun May 01, 2022 11:41 pm
I seriously spent time researching this guy's sign (Aries) & mine (Scorpio). I of course loved the results as it said it's a very sexually powerful combo so of course I LOVED that! 😂😂 But some of his alleged Aries traits don't sound like him at all so the whole thing is just chance coincidence of *some* qualities & a lot of wishful thinking. Of course I *want* to hear that we'd have hot sex! 😂
OMG exactly this, I learnt the whole astrology to find answers. Aries and Scorpio are sexy signs btw xd

Astrology can give hope and look real. During some transits of planets something important was happenning in our situation, for example we talked and it was a sign for me.

Tarot messed me up as well. I was checking, when my life will change. I relied on cards that they will give me a confirmation. I see now that I don't need this anymore. Also readers were telling me how this experience is teaching me and it was karma. I feel better, when I think it was a coincidence. The Universe or God did not send this experience to me to teach me. It's too cruel.

I would like to hear more about perspective of people who were hurt by cults and new age.
Limerentme
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun May 01, 2022 8:54 pm
Slovakia

Re: I'm new here and I need to share something

Post by Limerentme »

L-F wrote: Mon May 02, 2022 12:09 am
Zsababy wrote: Sun May 01, 2022 11:41 pm Also, beware of parapsychology & occult perpetuating illusions of "destiny" with that person. I have read much about the compatibility of my & my LOs zodiac sign and it's another trap of wishful thinking. It can feel real if you're at the height of your euphoria but remember that you're just using those forms to tell yourself what you want to hear & that tarot cards don't reveal actual realities. It's pretty much random but you can read into it whatever you want to hear.
So true! And yet, I do believe in spirituality. I guess the truth always lies within? I believe in soul contracts to a degree in that we create our destiny by who or what we allow in it. I also believe in karma though haven't given it the respect (study wise) that it deserves. One could say believing in God is wishful thinking?

I feel what we choose to believe in serves a purpose in our lives at the point where we need it the most. Beliefs change, it's always good to question them.
Yes and we need some form of spirituality. Some people will find it in God, others in some practices or spending time in nature. However it's just hard to find the spirituality after leaving the cult or something that harmed us, new age in my case.

It's good that you believe there is a choice who you let in.
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