Convinced it will never end

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DreamingBlue
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Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
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Convinced it will never end

Post by DreamingBlue »

I've taken the steps. I've even healed. But the nagging dreams and visions, the fantasy of it all. The sneaking suspicion, no matter how deceptive the thought behind it, that I missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime (one that by all evidence was NOT there) stays with me.
This is mental illness. One I'm told has an expiration date on it. 2 1/2 years strong. I know there's nothing anyone here can do. It's all up to me, my therapist, medication, everything. I'm terrified I'll die with this illness. Just as I was almost a year ago.
L-F
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by L-F »

Sending good thoughts your way DB. There's nothing I can say that you haven't already heard.
I too thought the same at one point.
All the best.
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
DreamingBlue
Posts: 221
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by DreamingBlue »

Thank you. Yes, I've heard it all.

And I like your signoff. An addiction. Yes it is. My true addiction, I can see, is escape. Fantasy.
Ego-boosting fantasy. Of me doing amazing things. Of winning the girl or girls.
Was it a childhood and adolescence permanently in the friend zone?
Unhappiness at home that made me dream of being rescued or rescuing someone else?
I keep trying to find it. And maybe I have. But it just doesn't stop.

I mean, it does. From time to time. When I live here and now. That's all I can do.
But I wish I could erase her from my mind or find some evidence that she's a human being.
Right now she's still the stuff of dreams.
JupiterTaco
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Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by JupiterTaco »

Time and distraction
"The truth is, I didn't like who I was when I was married to Daniel. I would turn into this horrible monster. I didn't want my kids growing up with a mother like that," Miranda, Mrs. Doubtfire
DreamingBlue
Posts: 221
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by DreamingBlue »

Today? I don't feel the same urgency, I don't feel the affliction as much. It's still there, but I really do believe this thing behaves like a virus,
with "flareups."
IvB
Posts: 268
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by IvB »

Ego-boosting fantasy, I like that, DB. It was that for me too, as someone needing the external validation it was huge for me, him wanting me. But now that I keep trying to keep a normal friendly conversation going and he barely responds and never starts, my fantasy bubble burst. It's not even mixed signals, he simply doesn't care about me. How do you keep your fantasy going? Are there any signs that confirm your obsession with a lost chance?
DreamingBlue
Posts: 221
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by DreamingBlue »

Wait are you saying your limerence ended? Through rejection? If so, good.

As for me, the obsession with a lost chance? No, the only evidence is our warm and reciprocal talks, friendship.
I extrapolate from that. That if I really went for an EA, she would have been willing. That if I went for more than that,
it would have happened. I ignore all the downside of leaving a lovely family and marriage. I just feel the rush of the crack
of midlife romance, that again, by all accounts, wasn't there! It's all in my head, based on how good she made me feel!!
Sooo stupid.

No contact isn't really working, because, without evidence that she's just a human, I continue to idealize and fantasize.
JupiterTaco
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by JupiterTaco »

The fact that the person isn't reaching out will hit you at some point and possibly then it'll start fading. Limerence thrives on hope.
"The truth is, I didn't like who I was when I was married to Daniel. I would turn into this horrible monster. I didn't want my kids growing up with a mother like that," Miranda, Mrs. Doubtfire
IvB
Posts: 268
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by IvB »

DreamingBlue wrote: Thu May 05, 2022 7:12 am Wait are you saying your limerence ended? Through rejection? If so, good.
Didn't end completely but the flame is dying. Yes, if I had gone for a full PA, my LO would have been willing but like JupiterTaco says, the fact that he is not reaching out did hit me with reality in the end - if he can't have me in bed, he is not interested to be friends, not interested in me as a person. I have to be grateful to him for that or it would never have ended.
Stanfi
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by Stanfi »

DreamingBlue,

I’m new around here so I haven’t read enough of your posts to have an understanding of your full story. When I read the title of this thread I couldn’t help but think that I wished that I had a dollar every time that I asked myself this question. I can really empathize with you on that. I myself have one that has plagued me on and off for over 30 years. There have been a couple of LOs that replaced her but after those LE were over my attention would drift back to this one. As if she was my default. She has not been what I would consider a full blown LE for several years, but very few days go by where I don’t think of her. She hasn’t been available in over 25 years and when she was she had no interest in me. That’s the wonderful thing about limerence though!. I often envy people who have not experienced the negative side of limerence. For me I think this one will only come to a full end when someone replaces her. Others have come to and end for me after extended periods of NC and realizing that life with them would be miserable. I believe that reality can often help kill the fantasy.
“Don’t ask me about the years I spent out in the rain. About the one I spent in love or the ones I spent insane. I told that was a long time ago. “ - Waylon Jennings.
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