Convinced it will never end

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DreamingBlue
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by DreamingBlue »

Yes, that's my problem. There's no reality. There's no evidence she's human, other than the fact that everybody is human. She's a dream woman.
I really hope this doesn't last 30 years. That would be possibly, until my death.
L-F
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by L-F »

DreamingBlue wrote: Mon May 09, 2022 9:35 pm Yes, that's my problem. There's no reality. There's no evidence she's human, other than the fact that everybody is human. She's a dream woman.
I really hope this doesn't last 30 years. That would be possibly, until my death.
Nooooooo I urge you to question those thoughts.
How do you know what you feel isn't real?
How do you know that there's no reality?
How do you know she's not human?
How do you know she's a dream woman?
And is that true? Is any of it true?

Check out Byron Katie's work and see if any of it resonates with you.
Keep being inquisitive.
I doubt it will last for 30 years.
Start believing in yourself!
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
Stanfi
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by Stanfi »

DreamingBlue wrote: Mon May 09, 2022 9:35 pm Yes, that's my problem. There's no reality. There's no evidence she's human, other than the fact that everybody is human. She's a dream woman.
I really hope this doesn't last 30 years. That would be possibly, until my death.
I really hope yours doesn't last 30 year either. Trust me, no one gives you an award for time served, and to be honest it really sucks.

It all honesty. I seriously doubt yours will last 30 years. Your here. You know what limerence is, and your searching for a way to resolve it. Mine has lasted this long because it started when I was young and had no clue what was going on. These unrequited romantic obsessions were the norm for me. I just learned the term limerence a month or so ago!
“Don’t ask me about the years I spent out in the rain. About the one I spent in love or the ones I spent insane. I told that was a long time ago. “ - Waylon Jennings.
Zsababy
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by Zsababy »

I am a lifetime, repeat limerant. I only had one LO that lasted over a decade & it was on and off. Then I found out he was actually kind of a monster but I didn't see the red flags.

I've had a couple where the feelings of euphoric "love" were so intense that I thought I'd never feel it again but I did---with another LO haha. Seriously. I think it can be a personality trait in yourself that you just need to look at in terms of roots & causes, then it will lose some of its ecstatic intensity.

One video said it can be rooted in an attachment style of being imprinted with the idea that love us about longing and waiting, not actual connection. That hit the nail on the head for me. Growing up my dad was never around, and at one point he walked out on us after we moved to a new city. My "first love" was a narcissist who led me on ( and I lost my virginity to him) but would always tell me about his woes with other women. Just an asshole.

Try to find out what your attachment style is, based on your early relationships. Once you have some insight, the process may have less of a mysterious hold on you.
L-F
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by L-F »

Zsababy wrote: Tue May 10, 2022 2:07 pm Seriously. I think it can be a personality trait in yourself that you just need to look at in terms of roots & causes, then it will lose some of its ecstatic intensity.
Good point.
Though I don't necessarily believe this applies to DB I have considered whether some people feel safer playing an XYZ role that on the surface, doesn't appear to serve them, whereas underneath it's a completely different story.
For example, some people whine and complain yet without something to complain about they feel lost. A vicious cycle. Take the thing they complain about away and they'll look for something else to complain about. Perhaps one could look at it as a personality trait (?)... I look at it as holding on to an identity that makes them feel safe for XYZ reason. Reveal the behaviour and the person has the ability to see for themselves if that's who they want to be. But this will only work when the person is ready to, or rather, feels safe enough, to see.

Change is freakin scary! I also think we are blind to our behaviour until something drastic happens or someone points it out. Feeling safe is huge in my eyes. Sorry, rambled on for no good reason.
One of my flaws! =))
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
Zsababy
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by Zsababy »

Nah, rambling is my jam lol.

Yes, I'm one of those that tends to replace one obsession with another, even if that person is actually in my life. I had an FWB setup and it was the best sex of my life and he had major, major flaws (conspiracy theorist, for one) I thought I wanted to marry him. Just got euphoric obsession; partly I think because he only wanted FWB, not a relationship, so I guess it was semi-limerant for awhile.

Now that that's over, I'm mooning over an unobtainable dude lol.

Big cause = I'm a big dope lol
Stanfi
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by Stanfi »

I thought I would make a suggestion. I have been reading Lucy Bain's book the Limerent Mind. I actually have both of her books. When I finish them I plan to write a review in the book review section. She talks about the need to rewire our brains. How limerence often results from some unmet need(s). She provides a method basically self hypnosis. She recommends coming up with a short scene in our in our mind of how we want out life to be. For example, lets say we feel unloved, and rejected, neglected. etc. Imagine a scene where you are in a situation where you feel loved, accepted etc. Life how you desire it. You don't have just use images, you can also use words and phrases to reinforce it. She says to do this 15-20 minutes before you fall to sleep. This is when your mind is in an Alpha state, and thoughts can get into your subconscious and unconscious mind. She says to play this scene over and over for several weeks. This hit home with as I have spent years thinking out my LO before I drift of to sleep. No wonder they get so buried in my mind! Anyway, I think this is worth a try to change our subconscious thinking.

She has a website here : https://neurosparkle.com/
“Don’t ask me about the years I spent out in the rain. About the one I spent in love or the ones I spent insane. I told that was a long time ago. “ - Waylon Jennings.
DreamingBlue
Posts: 221
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by DreamingBlue »

All of my early familial attachments were pretty healthy, I thought, but perhaps I didn't trust my mother as a caretaker, or see her as a fully formed human, or respectable female. There's that. Almost all of my early romantic experiences tended to involve pining, longing, crushing. Putting girls on pedestals. Seeing them through a romantic haze of mystery.



Zsababy wrote: Tue May 10, 2022 2:07 pm I am a lifetime, repeat limerant. I only had one LO that lasted over a decade & it was on and off. Then I found out he was actually kind of a monster but I didn't see the red flags.

I've had a couple where the feelings of euphoric "love" were so intense that I thought I'd never feel it again but I did---with another LO haha. Seriously. I think it can be a personality trait in yourself that you just need to look at in terms of roots & causes, then it will lose some of its ecstatic intensity.

One video said it can be rooted in an attachment style of being imprinted with the idea that love us about longing and waiting, not actual connection. That hit the nail on the head for me. Growing up my dad was never around, and at one point he walked out on us after we moved to a new city. My "first love" was a narcissist who led me on ( and I lost my virginity to him) but would always tell me about his woes with other women. Just an asshole.

Try to find out what your attachment style is, based on your early relationships. Once you have some insight, the process may have less of a mysterious hold on you.
L-F
Posts: 3590
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by L-F »

Stanfi wrote: Sat May 14, 2022 6:31 pm She talks about the need to rewire our brains.
Not possible. Or so I believe. David's recent comment on another thread regarding being friends with LO reminded me that we are addicts, and just as an alcoholic can't rewire their brain to reverse alcoholism, we can't either. What they/we can do is learn new habits and healthy coping mechanisms. But rewire? I don't believe we can rewire it.
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
Stanfi
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Re: Convinced it will never end

Post by Stanfi »

L-F wrote: Tue May 17, 2022 10:14 am
Stanfi wrote: Sat May 14, 2022 6:31 pm She talks about the need to rewire our brains.
Not possible. Or so I believe. David's recent comment on another thread regarding being friends with LO reminded me that we are addicts, and just as an alcoholic can't rewire their brain to reverse alcoholism, we can't either. What they/we can do is learn new habits and healthy coping mechanisms. But rewire? I don't believe we can rewire it.
Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not sure. I just listened to an episode of the adult chair podcast. The guest was a hypnotist Jim Fortin. He talked about reprogramming the subconscious and addiction. He said that you form a new nueropathways that enable you to no longer crave the addiction. However the old ones are still there. So if you have that drink or drug or in our case see that LO then you’ll fall right back into it. Not sure if he is right or not either but what he had to say was interesting.
“Don’t ask me about the years I spent out in the rain. About the one I spent in love or the ones I spent insane. I told that was a long time ago. “ - Waylon Jennings.
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