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Indiscriminate Limerence :(

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Idiotic
Posts: 1978
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Indiscriminate Limerence :(

Post by Idiotic »

L-F wrote: Mon Jun 27, 2022 5:28 pm Im chipping in here, I have two close friends who are friends with their LOs. It can be done.

Both have shared that they now think their LOs are at times, twats, and the shine (or as some say, the 'glimmer') has definitely gone. One works with her LO, the other has her LO in their social circle. The veil has lifted and that 'magical' pull jumped on a ship, sailed away, hit an iceberg, and sunk.
Yeah
The shine, the magical pull... once it's gone, you're like ... look, just another person who cannot save me from myself. Embrace the consequent dullness and find beauty in it.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn
Idiotic
Posts: 1978
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Indiscriminate Limerence :(

Post by Idiotic »

David wrote: Mon Jun 27, 2022 5:42 pm Still better to go NC for a period of time to get over the limerence iMJ
To be fair yeah, that's what I started out to do. But due to the complicated nature of the relationship could not do it , so I did the next best thing of extricating my emotional self out of the equation.... and eventually it worked .
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Indiscriminate Limerence :(

Post by L-F »

Idiotic wrote: Mon Jun 27, 2022 5:55 pm just another person who cannot save me from myself.
Totally!
They never could, nor should they even try. For if they did, you'd KNOW you were in a dysfunctional relationship from the get go.

It's about humanising them, not demonising them or putting them on a pedestal.

But. As you know. It takes time for those rose tinted glasses to come off.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Indiscriminate Limerence :(

Post by L-F »

Idiotic wrote: Mon Jun 27, 2022 6:02 pm so I did the next best thing of extricating my emotional self out of the equation.... and eventually it worked .
Awesome \:D/
Please share how you did that for readers if you don't mind. It's hard work but bloody worth it.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Idiotic
Posts: 1978
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Indiscriminate Limerence :(

Post by Idiotic »

L-F wrote: Wed Jun 29, 2022 6:42 am
Idiotic wrote: Mon Jun 27, 2022 6:02 pm so I did the next best thing of extricating my emotional self out of the equation.... and eventually it worked .
Awesome \:D/
Please share how you did that for readers if you don't mind. It's hard work but bloody worth it.
Nothing to it really, it's just the key to ALL things you want to learn, practice. Practice practice practice, practice being aware of your needs in the difficult situation, ask yourself why you're feeling bad, or burned by interaction with LO, tell yourself you're gonna get zero validation from them, accept the "defeat" , after some time itll stop feeling like "defeat". Do it over and over again, learn to answer yourself honestly. Its just something you can learn.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Indiscriminate Limerence :(

Post by L-F »

Love this!
Idiotic wrote: Wed Jun 29, 2022 7:51 am accept the "defeat"
'ACCEPTANCE'
Idiotic wrote: Wed Jun 29, 2022 7:51 am learn to answer yourself honestly.
That's what I call radical honesty. A lot has been written on here about it. David first introduced me to this concept.

I love how you carved your own path with all the knowledge you had. For me, I liken it to ego awareness. We can become self aware but how often do we become ego aware? It's funny. One can talk about it, but like you said, it's something you have to practice.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Indiscriminate Limerence :(

Post by IvB »

Idiotic wrote: Mon Jun 27, 2022 6:02 pm
David wrote: Mon Jun 27, 2022 5:42 pm Still better to go NC for a period of time to get over the limerence iMJ
To be fair yeah, that's what I started out to do. But due to the complicated nature of the relationship could not do it , so I did the next best thing of extricating my emotional self out of the equation.... and eventually it worked .
Wondering if it may have helped, to see them regularly in order to stop putting them on a pedestal. I haven't seen my LO for almost 2 years and maybe not seeing him didn't give me the possibility to see his faults, to wear off the shine. Of course NC helps too and definitely gives me more peace of mind.
Idiotic
Posts: 1978
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Indiscriminate Limerence :(

Post by Idiotic »

L-F wrote: Wed Jun 29, 2022 10:00 pm We can become self aware but how often do we become ego aware? It's funny. One can talk about it, but like you said, it's something you have to practice.
@};- @};-
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn
Idiotic
Posts: 1978
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Indiscriminate Limerence :(

Post by Idiotic »

IvB wrote: Thu Jun 30, 2022 9:22 am
Idiotic wrote: Mon Jun 27, 2022 6:02 pm
David wrote: Mon Jun 27, 2022 5:42 pm Still better to go NC for a period of time to get over the limerence iMJ
To be fair yeah, that's what I started out to do. But due to the complicated nature of the relationship could not do it , so I did the next best thing of extricating my emotional self out of the equation.... and eventually it worked .
Wondering if it may have helped, to see them regularly in order to stop putting them on a pedestal. I haven't seen my LO for almost 2 years and maybe not seeing him didn't give me the possibility to see his faults, to wear off the shine. Of course NC helps too and definitely gives me more peace of mind.
Definitely you gotta figure out what' works best for you, NC or keep contact you gotta decide . And you're gonna make mistakes on the way. But that's how you find the right way.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Indiscriminate Limerence :(

Post by L-F »

Interesting IvB... Humanising them vs NC.
I've always been a fan of humanising them and couldn't understand those who demonise their LO. Though demonising helps to create a separation to start with (the same as NC), but long term? Isn't the person demonising them, the demon? For example, the same as people who backstab being the 'backstabber' and so forth?


Idk. Just my thoughts.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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