Limerence for a co-worker

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edwin
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Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2022 10:55 pm
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Limerence for a co-worker

Post by edwin »

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Last edited by edwin on Sat Jul 02, 2022 6:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
L-F
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Re: Limerence for a co-worker

Post by L-F »

Hi Edwin
Welcome to the forum. My advice would be to ignore this person completely, I wouldn't even acknowledged them in the room. A person doesn't typically say they will report someone unless they feel threatened in some way. Perhaps she was limerent too and isn't sure of what's going on, but, this isn't really about her. It's about how you feel and react.

This is a great place to discuss those annoying limerent thoughts. Keeping looking forward, you will work things out in time. Much strength to you Edwin.
Limerence is an addiction to romance based on insecurity. LF
JupiterTaco
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Re: Limerence for a co-worker

Post by JupiterTaco »

I have to agree, that's gone above and beyond with her threatening you. Do whatever you can to just stay away from her and try your best to find other things to focus on.
"Yeah, he's right here. It's Beth. Who's Beth?" Tiffany, Road Trip
David
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Re: Limerence for a co-worker

Post by David »

yes avoid avoid avoid. She sounds damaged. We are attracted to damaged people with limerence because they mirror our own level of damage.

It sounds like you grapple with low self esteem - i think that's a universal theme with limerence, a feeling of not being good enough. Some of us are aware of this, others its too unconscious for any level of self-awareness It all stems from childhood in not getting our emotional needs met.

As children we can get not enough love, too much love or the wrong type of love. The challenge of when we first start analysing our upbringing are 2 main themes, the first is we have nothing to compare what healthy love actually felt like so we believe what we received in many cases was great and the second them is families are similar to cults where children grow up with stockholm syndrome.

Anyhow welcome and if you decided to do some heavy lifting, this would be a good place for you to explore more about yourself and why you got limerence. Id also suggest you subscribe to the members only area to access a ton of great material.
Purchase the 20 part video series on overcoming limerence for just $49 - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
IvB
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Re: Limerence for a co-worker

Post by IvB »

Looks like she was interested initially and maybe didn't receive encouragement from you, so her positive feelings changed to negative? If her mood changes a lot, she could be limerent indeed. But like everyone says, avoid her for your own safety, her threatening you is dangerous.
Zsababy
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Re: Limerence for a co-worker

Post by Zsababy »

I should probably avoid labelling people I don't know, but I agree with David that she sounds a bit unstable and had very up and down feelings.

It's also possible that you misinterpreted her level of interest. Not to be insulting, but in my experience men can overestimate women's interest in them when a woman is just friendly and smiles a lot if she's just naturally a "smiley" type of person.

Either way, just chalk it up to being one of those things that went haywire for any number of reasons and as you said, it wasn't realistic anyway so any involvement may have led to complete heartbreak.

In any case, yes avoid avoid avoid. This is a case of crossed signals and then some.
edwin
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United States of America

Re: Limerence for a co-worker

Post by edwin »

Zsababy wrote: Sat Jun 18, 2022 6:41 pm It's also possible that you misinterpreted her level of interest. Not to be insulting, but in my experience men can overestimate women's interest in them when a woman is just friendly and smiles a lot if she's just naturally a "smiley" type of person.
Of course, I can't be sure what her level of interest was. But I am sure that she noticed I am interested in her, back two months ago. And she was very glad to receive my attention. What my limerent brain failed to notice, was the moment when she decided to withdraw. Without the rejection I received straight im my face, I would have been waiting for her attention right now, now knowing that she is probably already hostile.
edwin
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2022 10:55 pm
United States of America

Re: Limerence for a co-worker

Post by edwin »

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Last edited by edwin on Sun Jul 24, 2022 5:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Zsababy
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Re: Limerence for a co-worker

Post by Zsababy »

edwin wrote: Sun Jun 19, 2022 6:56 am

Of course, I can't be sure what her level of interest was. But I am sure that she noticed I am interested in her, back two months ago. And she was very glad to receive my attention.
That may be the key: "glad to receive my attention". She may have just enjoyed the flattery. For all you know, maybe she herself had a romantic letdown & was pleased to have a guy make her feel good about herself. In that sense, it's just an ego-booster. My married coworker flirts & flatters me all the time and it's really nice to hear as I'm nearly 57 and am very self-conscious about my looks. But I'm not attracted to him at all. It's just nice to hear and it makes my day; if he were to try to genuinely make a move on me it would be awkward as hell. Thankfully, he reigns it in.

So for her, it may have been all about her. Maybe she didn't realize the signals she was sending and/or how you'd interpret them. Sounds like she got really spooked when she realized you were genuinely interested & not just flirting in a light-hearted but meaningless way.

Try not to take it too hard, although this would hurt me too. But the truth is, there's more going on there that you wouldn't want to deal with anyway, so I'd try to write it off as crossed signals. Plus workplaces can have a sort of pressure-cooker environment which intensifies things.
edwin
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2022 10:55 pm
United States of America

Re: Limerence for a co-worker

Post by edwin »

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Last edited by edwin on Sat Jul 02, 2022 6:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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