BECOME A MEMBER AND EMBRACE EXCLUSIVE ACCESS
Unlock exclusive features and connect with like-minded individuals by upgrading to our premium membership.
As a member, you'll gain access to our members-only forums, where you can:
Engage in meaningful discussions: Read, create, and search all threads and posts, fostering a vibrant community of like-minded individuals.
Establish deeper connections: Utilize our private messaging system to connect with other members on a personal level, fostering meaningful relationships.
Enjoy these benefits and more for just $2.99 per month, payable securely via PayPal.
Membership is flexible, allowing you to cancel anytime without any hassle.
Sign up today and embark on a journey of personal growth and connection. Join our community of passionate individuals and unlock a world of possibilities.

Click https://limerence.net/membership-accoun ... p-checkout

God damn relapse. With ONE picture

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

God damn relapse. With ONE picture

Post by DreamingBlue »

I was playing with fire. Checking her boyfriend's Instagram page from time to time. She was showing up there so infrequently, I almost
was thinking they broke up, and getting kind of happy about that. (Weird, unhealthy.)

Then boom, there she is, in all her beauty, her impossible beauty and where is she? In the same tiny town in Europe I visited from the USA this summer! WHAT? It means...we're connected...we travel the same paths! We are meant to be together!! Huh? No it doesn't. Yes it does! No it doesn't!

And so the inner argument, the turmoil, the conflict, the ruminating and daydreaming, the what ifs, all come flooding back. I hate it.

And I've asked before and know the answer, I think, but I'm not sure. Should I just try to be friends with her and let her shine wear off by virtue of her being a human being over time? I don't think so. I mean I want that to be okay, but I wouldn't be able to see her often enough to make that work. I'd see her over coffee or drink and she'd be just too hot, too cute, too interesting, and I'd be back in the throes.

The reason I wonder is because, as I have mentioned, I used to have a coworker LO. I didn't have to do anything for the limerence to lift. It just faded because I saw her as a human after a while. I saw her every day. I'd never be able to see this LO every day. It would be bad. But then again it is bad.
It's coming up on 3 years. I'm pretty sad about that.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: God damn relapse. With ONE picture

Post by L-F »

Lol

I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing because I know the feeling! Crazy huh? Limerence that is.

Nothing I can add that you don't already know. Sending good thoughts your way.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: God damn relapse. With ONE picture

Post by IvB »

DB, relapses happen but the longer we go NC, the faster we can recover from those, I find. I hope it's the same for you and you can return to a livable state of mind soon.
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5665
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: God damn relapse. With ONE picture

Post by JupiterTaco »

I'd say that until you deal with the reason you're susceptible to limerence, you'll probably always be susceptible to it. And possibly there are some people who just always have that effect and must be avoided whenever possible.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Re: God damn relapse. With ONE picture

Post by DreamingBlue »

I'm so desperate I'm ready to be friends with her again! Anything to give her a chance to turn into a flawed human. From a distance, in NC all I have are flashes of images, daydreams and endless curiosity.

But it's a bad idea, I bet. There wouldn't be a way to see her often enough to make her ordinary. I'd be in her presence, probably hugging her, staring at her, and it would just rekindle the disease. So I guess I have to dust myself off and get back on track.

Yes, there's some need for validation, approval from others, especially women. And some deep fascination with smart and beautiful women that have qualities that I maybe felt were missing in my mother. I don't quite know how to repair these things other than to be happier with myself from inside.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: God damn relapse. With ONE picture

Post by L-F »

What is it you are hoping to repair DB?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
loslabios
Posts: 129
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 10:52 pm
Gender:
Age: 62
United States of America

Re: God damn relapse. With ONE picture

Post by loslabios »

I know the battle all too well. I think I am doing fine. I go through days, weeks, not yet months, of being OK. Then, out of the blue it comes roaring back. I have not cut off contact with her, but I try to refrain from contacting her unless there is a reason. We still maintain a professional relationship of sorts. Anyway, I get a very vague text message from her one day, after months of no contact, simply stating "just checking in." I must have spent at least 12 hours trying to craft a reply. Then, I accidentally hit the send arrow and sent her a message I wish I hadn't sent. In the message I asked if I had done something horrible to her, or if there were something I should know as it seemed to me that the frequency of her contacting me had decreased--actually it had decreased. Anyway, I said some other crap about loving her as much as ever, etc., etc. She responded back immediately saying she had been busy. She sent a photograph of her daughter with a caption Izzy is Going to be a big sister. I immediately felt completely stupid, but clicked the heart emoji. A few weeks later, I received another text from her stating "It's a Boy." My relationship with her was, in our fantasy, a father-daughter relationship. I have trouble distinguishing between romantic sexual attraction and paternalistic adoration. I guess that does not matter as the result is the same. At first, I fill up with pleasure hormones. Then, pleasure fades into loneliness, despair, and shame. I feel ashamed of myself every time. I don't understand why I experience so much shame, but I hate it and just wish I could cease to exist. I feel so trapped between different versions of the "right thing" to do. I should be pissed. She created this, but I was a willing participant. It has been more than 5 years of mostly hell with intermittent moments of bliss. Funny thing is that, during the blissful moments, I think it is all worth it. NO IT ISN'T. I am sick of feeling like a monster just for falling for this ridiculous game of guess what--I am having a baby. Shit!@
DreamingBlue
Posts: 224
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2020 11:33 pm
United States of America

Re: God damn relapse. With ONE picture

Post by DreamingBlue »

L-F wrote: Mon Sep 12, 2022 11:02 am What is it you are hoping to repair DB?
I don't know!? I want to repair or shore up that part of me that is propelled, by need, towards others, almost always women.
The part of me that longs, that needs to escape. That needs pure, sweet, oozing validation, from beautiful women.
It's the part of me that didn't get laid enough, didn't take enough relationship risks earlier. The part of me that longed from afar is back.
He's feisty and hungry and he needs to be fed things that won't ruin his life.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: God damn relapse. With ONE picture

Post by L-F »

Trying to give a little perspective here. Since I'm guessing it's not ALL of you all of the time, how much space does this part of you take up?
We all wear/have different hats/masks/personas/alter egos, etc. We act differently in church than we would with friends at a party. We talk differently with grandparents vs buddies at the pub. Our behaviour changes depending upon our environment and the people we are with.

Are there times this needy, feisty, hungry man is satisfied? And what does that look like? What triggers this part of you? Just throwing out some questions to ponder, or not. No need to answer them here.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: God damn relapse. With ONE picture

Post by IvB »

DreamingBlue wrote: Wed Sep 14, 2022 8:48 am
L-F wrote: Mon Sep 12, 2022 11:02 am What is it you are hoping to repair DB?
I don't know!? I want to repair or shore up that part of me that is propelled, by need, towards others, almost always women.
The part of me that longs, that needs to escape. That needs pure, sweet, oozing validation, from beautiful women.
It's the part of me that didn't get laid enough, didn't take enough relationship risks earlier. The part of me that longed from afar is back.
He's feisty and hungry and he needs to be fed things that won't ruin his life.
I feel you, DB, every word you say, I have the same just opposite genders :( Sending you a big hug.
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 15 guests