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A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
Kaizercrazy
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:19 pm
United States of America

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Post by Kaizercrazy »

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Last edited by Kaizercrazy on Mon Nov 28, 2022 2:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5664
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: My LO kissed me!

Post by JupiterTaco »

I guess what I have to say is be careful. It's not always obvious the dangers that can lurk. There's the obvious, that if she was also drunk, she could feel taken advantage of. Sounds like that's not the case right now but could potentially happen. The potential damage to your jobs, relationships and possibly even other close relationships if this goes on. And of course the damage to your emotional health. People who play hot and cold are not emotionally healthy. You may think you've got a hold on things, but if you're prone to limerence, that can change really fast. Good luck.
"Men are fooled so easily. Women wrelike spiders. They'll pull you into their webs and...wrap you up so tight you can hardly breathe," Griselda Blanco, Cocaine Godmother
Kaizercrazy
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:19 pm
United States of America

Re: My LO kissed me!

Post by Kaizercrazy »

No Jupiter. I absolutely do not have a hold on things. You are correct. My mental health is suffering more than I may have let on in the original post. I'm in the dopamine loop BAD. And this girl is not good for me. She's obviously intentionally playing games with my emotions...and while it might be lighthearted fun for her... I'm sufferin. I don't see any good coming from any of this...But I also feel like it's completely out of my control.... I don't see myself letting go of her unless I get rejected. Meanwhile.... things in my life are already starting to fall apart. I can barely pay attention to my wife, my work and hobbies are already suffering. This sucks. hard.

I get these glimmers of realization. Where I realize that I don't need this girl. She isn't all that great and that I should just take the higher road and end things with her.....But then the limerence hits again.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: My LO kissed me!

Post by L-F »

Kaizercrazy wrote: Tue Nov 15, 2022 2:19 am No Jupiter. I absolutely do not have a hold on things. You are correct. My mental health is suffering more than I may have let on in the original post.
I'm sorry to read your mental health is suffering. It must be extremely hard for you. Welcome to the forum! Have a look around the forum and see if Davids vids might be of help to you. You certainly have support here.

Again welcome!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: My LO kissed me!

Post by Zsababy »

Hey there & welcome!

My hot take is that she's a bit narcissistic in that she likes to see how much attention she can get just for the sake of her own ego. It's all about the ego boost, so once she gets it, she loses interest. She likely has a very high emotional & ego investment in her sexual appeal & seeks a lot of validation. (What happens to people like this when they get old? I know someone like that & she's very bitter that she doesn't get male attention anymore)

My two rabbits don't like people very well but they LOVE food and treats & get super excited and friendly when it's dinner time or if they hear packages rustle. But once they get their food, they have no interest in me. That's the relationship here: she just wants the instant gratification of "treats" (ego boosts) then goes her merry way.

Something to keep in mind; you're just one more ego boost for her. It's not worth risking your marriage. I think you've got yourself a bit of a narcissist here (not necessarily in the clinical sense)
Kaizercrazy
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:19 pm
United States of America

Re: My LO kissed me!

Post by Kaizercrazy »

Thank you for your response! I think you are completely correct. And though this is something I think I already knew, It's very helpful to hear it from someone else. It doesn't make it hurt any less unfortunately. Since she spent an entire year stroking MY ego, chasing me, hitting on me.... I suppose subconsciously I finally started to think that I must be an exception... that maybe she actually liked and cared about me. And the thing is, I do actually like her to an extent. It isn't all unbridled obsession. She's interesting and intelligent, and of course beautiful. But..... Yeah.. I think you are right. I just couldn't imagine doing that to someone. Showing interest for such a long time and then completely turning on them when they reciprocate. Feels cruel.

And that's why Limerance is worth talking about I guess. I'm a fairly confident guy. And it takes quite a lot for me to have interest in a girl. I feel like all my defenses have been annihilated. I suppose I've never really had someone do what she did. Took me by surprise.

I'm glad ya'll are here. This limerance shit is lonely . Since I'm married, I don't have many people I can talk to about this. My best friend is my wife. Wildly I wish she was the person helping me through this haha.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: My LO kissed me!

Post by Zsababy »

I'm sorry, that's rough. A year is a long time. Maybe she was having relationship problems and was seeking a quick fix for her needs, who knows? She could have other issues going on.

This is a good place to sort these things out. This forum has helped me keep my head on straight when I was struggling to stay rational and not make an idiot out of myself yet again. We can't fix your limerance, but we can help you get through it. 🙂
Kaizercrazy
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:19 pm
United States of America

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Post by Kaizercrazy »

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Last edited by Kaizercrazy on Mon Nov 28, 2022 2:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: My LO kissed me!

Post by L-F »

I've learned a LOT during my time on here and one of the things I believe happens is growth in awareness when we write stuff down, we become a detective, and with that, a healer. This is evident here...
Kaizercrazy wrote: Wed Nov 16, 2022 12:57 pm I can see the loop continuing. I might have to lay some cards on the table....not necessarily disclosure, but draw some lines in the sand.
You know you need to set boundaries, but how? Defining the “rules” of your relationships can liberate you from people-pleasing and over-committing. https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-set-boundaries/

You're also using your 'gut feelings' which is great! But even better is that you're not stopping at the "she likes me" notion and naturally edging towards solutions. I've added a link above which may support the conclusion you've already reached. The power of writing things out! Excellent work Kaizercrazy!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
peter.rabbit
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: My LO kissed me!

Post by peter.rabbit »

Kaizercrazy wrote: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:49 pm She's EXTREMELY attractive. She's also a major flirt, and a burlesque dancer. So she is almost constantly giving any man she meets some level of attention while displaying her sexuality
Maybe what you've described should be considered in context to the effect it has on you. This is potent stuff for a man's brain, not really different than the major street drugs that rattle your neurotransmitter levels.

Keep a distance, don't wreck your life.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
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