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- Posts: 20
- Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:19 pm
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- Posts: 20
- Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:19 pm
Re: My LO kissed me!
Maybe what you've described should be considered in context to the effect it has on you. This is potent stuff for a man's brain, not really different than the major street drugs that rattle your neurotransmitter levels.
Keep a distance, don't wreck your life.
[/quote]
Yes yes Peter. This is absolutely a huge factor. For some reason I was able to ignore it for a long time. But the perfect storm of her raising the stake, my libido being exceptionally high that day, and a chance for us to be alone happened. Now I can't help but view her as the epitome of female sexuality. Shit's powerful.
Re: My LO kissed me!
You could view her as an emotionally damaged child, and treat her like you would a traumatised child. In essence, she could very well be someone who grew up in an environment where her basic needs where not met.Kaizercrazy wrote: ↑Wed Nov 16, 2022 4:29 pm Honestly, I think the most likely outcome with the convo will be that she treats me as needy and accuses me of overcomplicating and overdramatizing the situation.
Most people (I see it all the time) view others as emotional vampires, narcissists, evil, etc, yet, if you break it down, most people and a majority of limerents, didn't have their needs met as a child whether having a sense of security or the ability to establish a healthy dose of self-esteem, self-worth, healthy boundaries and/or identity.
I'm not saying the above so you pity her or cave into her demands, I'm sharing because going from your description that I've quoted, she may amp up (cry, blame, go silent, etc), and to be prepared just as you would if you were talking to a child not in control of their emotions (poor emotional regulation). I hope I'm making sense here.
I'm sure you'll do well if you keep in mind her behaviour is all about her and not a reflection of you. Good luck!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Re: My LO kissed me!
In short, don't go in with the mindset of being defensive but rather, go in with the mindset of empathy towards her and determination that your needs and feelings are valid. Which they are!
Can you imagine the childhood of anyone who learns to use emotional manipulation to get their emotional needs met? I find it incredibly sad.
Can you imagine the childhood of anyone who learns to use emotional manipulation to get their emotional needs met? I find it incredibly sad.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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- Posts: 20
- Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:19 pm
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- Posts: 20
- Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:19 pm
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- Posts: 450
- Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
Re: My LO kissed me!
Don't feel like a fool, you won! You dodged the bullet! You have your life intact, un-scarred by what might have become an affair that eventually lead to a shit-storm that you wouldn't want to be in. You learned about yourself and about romantic attraction, use that knowledge to protect yourself in the future.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
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- Posts: 20
- Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2022 11:19 pm
Re: My LO kissed me!
Aww man, that sucks. But at least you gave it a go "the talk that is". I'm confused as to why you needed to ask her "where we stood and what her intentions were"... when her intentions were irrelevant lol
It was all about your boundaries.
I'm often blown away when the focus remains on the other person. Limerence is about how you react to triggers and that's all she is, a trigger. Like Peter mentioned, you got to learn a little about yourself and yeah, limerence sucks! You did your best with the information you had so no need to beat yourself up. You are not a fool. Maybe a little but hey, I'm a bigger one. We learn and grow as we go. Next time, you'll recognise the feelings creeping in and hopefully resolve things a lot sooner. In the last 10 yrs of reading countless situations, I have never met anyone where a limerent relationship equated to a LONG-TERM pairing. The moral of the story is if you are impacted by limerence then there is zero chance of a healthy loving relationship. Her intentions mattered not.
You've got a good approach about this and keeping it real. That is huge man. Keep gigging and enjoying life. And keep us posted should you get hoovered back in.
It was all about your boundaries.
I'm often blown away when the focus remains on the other person. Limerence is about how you react to triggers and that's all she is, a trigger. Like Peter mentioned, you got to learn a little about yourself and yeah, limerence sucks! You did your best with the information you had so no need to beat yourself up. You are not a fool. Maybe a little but hey, I'm a bigger one. We learn and grow as we go. Next time, you'll recognise the feelings creeping in and hopefully resolve things a lot sooner. In the last 10 yrs of reading countless situations, I have never met anyone where a limerent relationship equated to a LONG-TERM pairing. The moral of the story is if you are impacted by limerence then there is zero chance of a healthy loving relationship. Her intentions mattered not.
You've got a good approach about this and keeping it real. That is huge man. Keep gigging and enjoying life. And keep us posted should you get hoovered back in.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Re: My LO kissed me!
Btw, you are not a fool. I disclosed in the most gward awful way *bonks head with a frying pan*
Now I know to never do that again!
Now I know to never do that again!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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