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Death Blow

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
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NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

JupiterTaco wrote: Mon Nov 21, 2022 8:51 pm That's exactly what happened to me in my last situation. When I started my one job last winter, I had hopes of being promoted in three months and being able to do the local orientations. Before I know it, I went swiftly from dealing with uninitiated touching from my former coworker to an incident that happened where we both grabbed hands and there was no going back from that.
I have to be completely honest. My coworker hasn't really done anything to encourage me except being her dynamic, wonderful self. So, I guess I don't have to worry about touching or any of that unless I would initiate and I won't. Sigh.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

L-F wrote: Mon Nov 21, 2022 6:22 pm Hi Nick
NickMarone wrote: Mon Nov 21, 2022 3:09 pm Yeah, I don't know why she has this power or how she got it.
I'm going to flip the script here... and ask again, why do you think YOU have given her this power?

What is it about her that has you feeling like you need her approval? Looks? Intellect? Kindness? Just something to ponder.
Good questions to ask. Right now, I don't have the capability of even fathoming a guess. I do NEED her approval, above all else, and it absolutely makes me insane that this is the case. Let me think hard about the why...

I'm thinking about hypnotherapy and/or the eye stimulation thing that some therapists are schooled in. Talk about desperation.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by Zsababy »

No therapy is desperation if it helps. That's what it's there for.

While you may not have had classic trauma like physical or verbal abuse, other things can be traumatic that can be linked, like emotional neglect. Perhaps this connects to the teacher thing as a child? Just throwing it out there.

I think having lots of rejection makes us pretty hungry for acceptance. I think that might be a big thing here. Like for me (it's always about *me*, lol) I had lots of rejection because as a bipolar with bad social skills growing up, I always came on way too strong and generally acted pretty mental & drove men away. It played into my feelings of defectiveness & unlovability. That's why it's extra important to me that my LO, who is famous, doesn't think of me as a crazy, weird fan (it hits too close to home) and that I wish I could impress him as a creative.
We want our LOs to calm our insecurities, sometimes.

This may sound patronizing & like a Freudian cliche, but did you have a good bond with your mom? Was she loving? I'm wondering if this woman has any motherly qualities that appeal. The teacher thing resonates as a parental substitute
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

Zsababy wrote: Mon Nov 21, 2022 9:37 pm No therapy is desperation if it helps. That's what it's there for.

While you may not have had classic trauma like physical or verbal abuse, other things can be traumatic that can be linked, like emotional neglect. Perhaps this connects to the teacher thing as a child? Just throwing it out there.

I think having lots of rejection makes us pretty hungry for acceptance. I think that might be a big thing here. Like for me (it's always about *me*, lol) I had lots of rejection because as a bipolar with bad social skills growing up, I always came on way too strong and generally acted pretty mental & drove men away. It played into my feelings of defectiveness & unlovability. That's why it's extra important to me that my LO, who is famous, doesn't think of me as a crazy, weird fan (it hits too close to home) and that I wish I could impress him as a creative.
We want our LOs to calm our insecurities, sometimes.

This may sound patronizing & like a Freudian cliche, but did you have a good bond with your mom? Was she loving? I'm wondering if this woman has any motherly qualities that appeal. The teacher thing resonates as a parental substitute
I had/have a really healthy relationship with my mother. She was slightly on the anxious-side and maybe overprotective but that's about the worst thing I can say about her.

The teacher thing has me baffled. The level of infatuation and obsession was debilitating. The fact that my feelings at age six are so similar to the feelings I have now (for a younger woman, no less) as an adult is also something I don't understand and sounds slightly insane.

You know, it sounds really strange, but I think there's some kind of magic bullet thing that really ties everything together as far as childhood LE, current LE, overall mental health/severe depression, genetics, upbringing. I feel emotional connections between all these things like there's an obvious link and everything seems so very tied together, but I'm just unable to get out of my own head and sort of put the puzzle together properly.

My therapist is always talking about "scripts" and things of that nature. I seem to be reliving the same routines over and over all through my life and my emotions just take me along the same ride--just seems so repetitive and constant. It's like I'm stuck at a certain level of emotional maturity. My overriding problems of life that I had 20 years ago are exactly the same as they are today. I mean nothing has changed. No progress has been made. I guess the upside is things aren't getting worse but...

Anyway, if I can hang on to next Wednesday, I've got a double session with my therapist. I've got to get some of this down on paper and just unload it on her. Maybe things are happening for a reason. At least I might hit her up for some higher dosages of some of the mind bending stuff I'm currently on.

Thanks for listening.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by L-F »

The teacher thing...:-?
For me, it was a case of recognition. I needed to be recognized for something! Naughty kids got recognized, smart kids got recognized, but the plain Jane who does well and doesn't cause any trouble? Overlooked. Just a number.
Most probably craved it because it was lacking at home, or in general. Never one to stand out, make a fuss, or excel at anything. Just someone to be fed, clothed, taught, and, ignored lol
A tickbox exercise - but where oh where was the care ?!?

I'd imagine some kids go thru school wanting or needing something (whether they get it at home or not), yet not knowing what that thing is.
Emotional stability jumps to mind. Having an emotionally stable environment was what would have supported my emotional growth. Hence why I liked LOs stoic demeanor. Someone who appeared the opposite of unhinged! But in reality, looks can deceive, right? I had made that assumption about her, she could have been a cold hard cruel witch at home. Or had a chequered past. Who knows. It's interesting the assumptions we jump to.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by L-F »

Came across this meme today, and thought I'd share...

"People do not decide their futures...
They decide their habits and their habits decide their futures" F.M. Alexander
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

L-F wrote: Mon Nov 21, 2022 11:41 pm The teacher thing...:-?
For me it was full-on romantic limerence. Just like when I was 19 or 33. All the classic symptoms but I was six. And this lasted about four years. She was on my mind constantly. In retrospect, it was just really, really fascinating (trying to use a somewhat positive term). I wasn't even near puberty. All I know is I just wanted to be in her presence, to be with her and I had no plan or strategy or anything. I didn't even know really what sex was, even as a general concept but it definitely was just regular attraction, not a surrogate mother thing, at least on the surface.

It was actually pretty emotionally draining, the constant longing, etc., There's something to this for sure because it just doesn't seem right. At least something to explore. It has to be at least some sort of red herring.

And I had a pretty classic stable upbringing. Mom and Dad, always available, loving, etc., Is it just the way I'm wired cause really this limerent thing has played itself out over and over again all my life? I mean I've changed the way I REACT to it over the years, but the neurotransmitters are sending me the same base potent message all my life.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by Zsababy »

NickMarone wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 12:49 am
L-F wrote: Mon Nov 21, 2022 11:41 pm The teacher thing...:-?
For me it was full-on romantic limerence. Just like when I was 19 or 33. All the classic symptoms but I was six. And this lasted about four years. She was on my mind constantly. In retrospect, it was just really, really fascinating (trying to use a somewhat positive term). I wasn't even near puberty. All I know is I just wanted to be in her presence, to be with her and I had no plan or strategy or anything. I didn't even know really what sex was, even as a general concept but it definitely was just regular attraction, not a surrogate mother thing, at least on the surface.

It was actually pretty emotionally draining, the constant longing, etc., There's something to this for sure because it just doesn't seem right. At least something to explore. It has to be at least some sort of red herring.

And I had a pretty classic stable upbringing. Mom and Dad, always available, loving, etc., Is it just the way I'm wired cause really this limerent thing has played itself out over and over again all my life? I mean I've changed the way I REACT to it over the years, but the neurotransmitters are sending me the same base potent message all my life.

Nick
Hmmm...there's probably a neurochemical angle there that's linked to a trigger. I think LF may be onto something. Wanting to be recognized doesn't necessarily indicate any really bad relationship, just maybe a feeling of being overlooked. Were you a middle child? How was your relationship with other kids? Did you have friends or were you shy and somewhat isolated? Perhaps the teacher was a source of happiness & comfort in an uneasy environment.

Do you have social anxiety? I always had it really bad & for some reason I think there might be a connection. Like a longing to belong or feel connected when often feeling disconnected.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by Zsababy »

Maybe other needs for feeling a need to be recognized can coexist with unmet needs for a feeling of accomplishment or validation. I want to be accomplished & my LO is very accomplished. Do you have any thwarted ambitions or insecurities about your station in life?

Regarding feeling romantic before puberty, I don't think that's completely uncommon. I always fantasized about kissing & hugging a BF in bed in about first grade. I knew nothing about sex but there was a strong physical need. I grew up to have a pretty high sex drive - not pornstar level but I'm told it's pretty high. Perhaps there is also just a thwarted libido there that's starving for contact? As a kid, I knew nothing of intercourse but making out was a hypnotizing thought starting out very, very early.

In any case, I hope she can help you. Keep writing to us. There are lots of folks here who can relate
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

Zsababy wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:55 pm
NickMarone wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 12:49 am
L-F wrote: Mon Nov 21, 2022 11:41 pm The teacher thing...:-?
For me it was full-on romantic limerence. Just like when I was 19 or 33. All the classic symptoms but I was six. And this lasted about four years. She was on my mind constantly. In retrospect, it was just really, really fascinating (trying to use a somewhat positive term). I wasn't even near puberty. All I know is I just wanted to be in her presence, to be with her and I had no plan or strategy or anything. I didn't even know really what sex was, even as a general concept but it definitely was just regular attraction, not a surrogate mother thing, at least on the surface.

It was actually pretty emotionally draining, the constant longing, etc., There's something to this for sure because it just doesn't seem right. At least something to explore. It has to be at least some sort of red herring.

And I had a pretty classic stable upbringing. Mom and Dad, always available, loving, etc., Is it just the way I'm wired cause really this limerent thing has played itself out over and over again all my life? I mean I've changed the way I REACT to it over the years, but the neurotransmitters are sending me the same base potent message all my life.

Nick
Hmmm...there's probably a neurochemical angle there that's linked to a trigger. I think LF may be onto something. Wanting to be recognized doesn't necessarily indicate any really bad relationship, just maybe a feeling of being overlooked. Were you a middle child? How was your relationship with other kids? Did you have friends or were you shy and somewhat isolated? Perhaps the teacher was a source of happiness & comfort in an uneasy environment.

Do you have social anxiety? I always had it really bad & for some reason I think there might be a connection. Like a longing to belong or feel connected when often feeling disconnected.
I think you're right on the neurochemical angle. Never really felt isolated, eldest child with lots of parental support and good extended family and plenty of friends. Good home life. I do remember really trying to do well academically (I was a high achiever anyway) because I thought this was the road to impress the teacher! What do six year-olds know, I guess.

I might have some generalized anxiety but those were not the needs I wanted to get met by my teacher. It was attraction.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
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