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Death Blow

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
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NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

Zsababy wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 8:06 pm Maybe other needs for feeling a need to be recognized can coexist with unmet needs for a feeling of accomplishment or validation. I want to be accomplished & my LO is very accomplished. Do you have any thwarted ambitions or insecurities about your station in life?

Regarding feeling romantic before puberty, I don't think that's completely uncommon. I always fantasized about kissing & hugging a BF in bed in about first grade. I knew nothing about sex but there was a strong physical need. I grew up to have a pretty high sex drive - not pornstar level but I'm told it's pretty high. Perhaps there is also just a thwarted libido there that's starving for contact? As a kid, I knew nothing of intercourse but making out was a hypnotizing thought starting out very, very early.

In any case, I hope she can help you. Keep writing to us. There are lots of folks here who can relate
Interesting points. My current LO is younger than me and really has her career and stuff like that together and I don't to that extent. So that might be something.

I never was limerent or anything for classmates at a young age. Never really held hands or that type of thing or kissed. It was just for the teacher. Never acted out for attention and other than her being very attractive and kind, I don't know why I was so smitten. I was in her classroom for two years (Grade Two and Three) and I was excited to go to school every day after hating Kindergarten and Grade One. Then when I was out of her class in Grade Four, I was in a funk because I didn't get to interact with her all the time anymore, and if I'd see her in the hallway it would literally make my day.

Then in Grade Five, I found out that she'd be teaching us music. I can't express how overjoyed I was when that happened. She left after that year.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by L-F »

What I find interesting is limerence + young mind. I have never heard of someone being as young as you and limerent.

Being obsessed, attached, or addicted are components of limerence, in my view, but not necessarily limerence. Limerence is where you yearn for affection from someone while simultaneously being obsessed, addicted, and emotionally invested. So on one hand your situation sounds like limerence, yet, it's still a grey area. I wonder how young is too young? Or even if there is such a thing?

Limerence, from what I've learned, doesn't have to involve sexual feelings. Which fits with your experience. Gosh! This brings up many questions and really ought to be researched in depth to establish what is and what is not limerence.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

L-F wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 11:14 pm What I find interesting is limerence + young mind. I have never heard of someone being as young as you and limerent.

Being obsessed, attached, or addicted are components of limerence, in my view, but not necessarily limerence. Limerence is where you yearn for affection from someone while simultaneously being obsessed, addicted, and emotionally invested. So on one hand your situation sounds like limerence, yet, it's still a grey area. I wonder how young is too young? Or even if there is such a thing?

Limerence, from what I've learned, doesn't have to involve sexual feelings. Which fits with your experience. Gosh! This brings up many questions and really ought to be researched in depth to establish what is and what is not limerence.
I definitely wanted some form of affection or reciprocation. Not sexual intercourse which I didn't even know what that was, but if I could've touched her, hugged her and/or kissed her on the lips somehow, that would've been great.

And like I said, the vivid feelings I had match up with my adult experiences of limerence exactly. But, the more I think and talk about it, the truly unusual it seems in retrospect. I'm as confused as anyone.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5665
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by JupiterTaco »

NickMarone wrote: Wed Nov 23, 2022 12:13 am
L-F wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 11:14 pm What I find interesting is limerence + young mind. I have never heard of someone being as young as you and limerent.

Being obsessed, attached, or addicted are components of limerence, in my view, but not necessarily limerence. Limerence is where you yearn for affection from someone while simultaneously being obsessed, addicted, and emotionally invested. So on one hand your situation sounds like limerence, yet, it's still a grey area. I wonder how young is too young? Or even if there is such a thing?

Limerence, from what I've learned, doesn't have to involve sexual feelings. Which fits with your experience. Gosh! This brings up many questions and really ought to be researched in depth to establish what is and what is not limerence.
I definitely wanted some form of affection or reciprocation. Not sexual intercourse which I didn't even know what that was, but if I could've touched her, hugged her and/or kissed her on the lips somehow, that would've been great.

And like I said, the vivid feelings I had match up with my adult experiences of limerence exactly. But, the more I think and talk about it, the truly unusual it seems in retrospect. I'm as confused as anyone.

Nick
What do you think those things would've led to for you?
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

JupiterTaco wrote: Wed Nov 23, 2022 5:03 am
NickMarone wrote: Wed Nov 23, 2022 12:13 am
L-F wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 11:14 pm What I find interesting is limerence + young mind. I have never heard of someone being as young as you and limerent.

Being obsessed, attached, or addicted are components of limerence, in my view, but not necessarily limerence. Limerence is where you yearn for affection from someone while simultaneously being obsessed, addicted, and emotionally invested. So on one hand your situation sounds like limerence, yet, it's still a grey area. I wonder how young is too young? Or even if there is such a thing?

Limerence, from what I've learned, doesn't have to involve sexual feelings. Which fits with your experience. Gosh! This brings up many questions and really ought to be researched in depth to establish what is and what is not limerence.
I definitely wanted some form of affection or reciprocation. Not sexual intercourse which I didn't even know what that was, but if I could've touched her, hugged her and/or kissed her on the lips somehow, that would've been great.

And like I said, the vivid feelings I had match up with my adult experiences of limerence exactly. But, the more I think and talk about it, the truly unusual it seems in retrospect. I'm as confused as anyone.

Nick
What do you think those things would've led to for you?
As a child, I don't think I had a plan of attack or strategy. Just a longing for affection (physical or otherwise). I really had no endgame or thought of consequences. I don't know if that answers the question or not. If not, could you clarify?

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by Zsababy »

I think I should clarify on the question of your relationship with classmates. I don't mean whether or not you were limerant, but did you feel rejected or ignored or left out or isolated?

I had a couple of friends but being a weird studious kid, I felt rejected a lot. In Jr high, specifically 9th grade, I felt completely invisible. So perhaps that relates to wanting my LO to accept me & admire me for talent & accomplishment.

I'm wondering if that's similar to your situation? Perhaps you felt overlooked by your peers but maybe your teacher paid attention to you? Just taking guesses here.
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

Zsababy wrote: Thu Nov 24, 2022 8:51 pm I think I should clarify on the question of your relationship with classmates. I don't mean whether or not you were limerant, but did you feel rejected or ignored or left out or isolated?

I had a couple of friends but being a weird studious kid, I felt rejected a lot. In Jr high, specifically 9th grade, I felt completely invisible. So perhaps that relates to wanting my LO to accept me & admire me for talent & accomplishment.

I'm wondering if that's similar to your situation? Perhaps you felt overlooked by your peers but maybe your teacher paid attention to you? Just taking guesses here.
OK, that sounds logical. Mostly though, I had plenty of friends and things and was a high achiever in school and a well-known athlete all through to the end of high school. The thing for the teacher was pretty straight on romantic. Sounds weird, I know, but that was it even at ages 6-10. And it is almost identical to thoughts and feelings during limerent episodes all through my life.

But something doesn't quite add up for sure.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by Zsababy »

Sometimes even high achievers can feel like they're never good enough. Some beautiful people fixate on the tiniest perceived flaws and may feel ugly. I've heard Michelle Pfieffer say she felt ugly in school but look how gorgeous she is.

I later found out some guys thought I was "gorgeous" or "hot" were the words used, & my BFF at work said she?was intimidated by how cool she thought I was lol. But I'm just kind of ok.

The feelings don't have to match up with the reality., or with how you are perceived. Just putting that out there.

Romantic feelings at 6 seems unusual but I've heard of pre-pubescent children having "boyfriends" & "girlfriends." There were 2 kids in my neighborhood that were around 8 or 9 & IRC we had a pretend-wedding for them with flowers, etc. And their is that Freudian idea of infant sexuality...

Once when I was 16 & babysitting a kid that was about 6, I was lying down and he traced his finger down the sole of my foot and it felt unnerving sexual. Maybe he was just trying to mess with me, but I swear it was very adult.

Kids are weird, lol

Just putting that out there.
NickMarone
Posts: 42
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2022 8:30 pm
Canada

Re: Death Blow

Post by NickMarone »

Zsababy wrote: Sat Nov 26, 2022 4:17 am Sometimes even high achievers can feel like they're never good enough. Some beautiful people fixate on the tiniest perceived flaws and may feel ugly. I've heard Michelle Pfieffer say she felt ugly in school but look how gorgeous she is.

I later found out some guys thought I was "gorgeous" or "hot" were the words used, & my BFF at work said she?was intimidated by how cool she thought I was lol. But I'm just kind of ok.

The feelings don't have to match up with the reality., or with how you are perceived. Just putting that out there.

Romantic feelings at 6 seems unusual but I've heard of pre-pubescent children having "boyfriends" & "girlfriends." There were 2 kids in my neighborhood that were around 8 or 9 & IRC we had a pretend-wedding for them with flowers, etc. And their is that Freudian idea of infant sexuality...

Once when I was 16 & babysitting a kid that was about 6, I was lying down and he traced his finger down the sole of my foot and it felt unnerving sexual. Maybe he was just trying to mess with me, but I swear it was very adult.

Kids are weird, lol

Just putting that out there.
Good points. The thing about my teacher seems unusual to me in that:

1) I was pre-puberty.
2) I didn't really chase girls or have young romances or even crushes on girls at that age. They weren't icky, they just weren't on my radar. I was deadly serious as a child. Didn't misbehave, always had homework done and really was concerned about marks, played sports and took THAT very serious, too.
3) The limerent feelings are dead on what I feel as an adult and really it was classic limerence in every other sense.
4) It lasted over three years.

Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Death Blow

Post by Zsababy »

Hmmm. Your situation is a real stumper. I'm interested in the fact that the childhood feeling is the same as the adult one. Perhaps it might help to elaborate & explore that (?)

I'm slightly confused though. Does that mean that your adult limerances are nonsexual? Pardon any redundancy on my part; it's 4am & I'm insomniac
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