Zsababy wrote: ↑Wed Dec 07, 2022 7:58 am
I don't think actively disliking your LO is a healthy - sounding strategy. It sounds too close to resenting them for not reciprocating your feelings. I don't think anger is the way to go; this is a repeated pattern anyway, so you might as well look for ways to manage the problem.
I am a repeated limerant, all my life & it intertwines with my bipolar condition; the hypersexuality and euphoria go hand in hand. I'm working on it; meds help, and so does coming here. It helps me keep it under control as I'm giving myself regular reality-checks.
I really think this anger thing might have some merit. One of my past LO's I was in a relationship with and believe me, there was a lot of resentment when she dumped me along with residual anger, etc., In retrospect, it was the bitterness that sort of got me through the limerence and the heartache.
I got madder and madder. This overwhelmed any positive memories or love we shared (and limerence).
As far as current LO and stirring up that contempt:
LO is living their best life, young and carefree and in a great relationship with SO and family and probably a few guys on the side which she's stringing along. Me, I'm way down, time is running out, ruminating and barely hanging on my own.
LO really couldn't care less if I lived or died--barely a casual acquaintance. Me, I hang on every word she says and then replay it in my mind over and over.
Before LO, I was fairly content and stable. Now I'm an emotional mess with limerence and longing tearing me apart.
Before LO, I liked my job. Now every day is filled with tension and anxiety.
I think about my LO 95% of the time, at the exclusion of other things that should be important to me. I might cross LO's mind if I'm actually in their physical presence and they are really bored.
LO is gliding along life, everything is peach fuzz, lollipops, and sunshine. I'm in the depths of a chronic, life long depression.
I rehearse every conversation long before it actually happens. LO might say "hi" if she's in the mood.
I worship the ground she walks and I want her badly. She thinks I'm a "nice guy" and considers me a "friend".
I'm not totally serious here, but if one cannot feel some resentment/anger/contempt toward the LO... There's lots of ammunition.
And can your mind really be head over heels in love with someone you hold actually hold in such contempt? It has to be one or the other. The dissonance of that concept might drive the limerence right out of you. Diametrically opposed extreme emotions, you'd think, can't simultaneously exist.
Am I really out to lunch on this idea, or a bad person for even having such thoughts?
Nick
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I think it's my own damn fault.