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This pretty much explains the fantasy that limerence is

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David
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This pretty much explains the fantasy that limerence is

Post by David »

Ive been following Sam Vaknin for years now.

This recent video of his explains the fantasy that limerence is. Im not sure i would have understood this a few years ago - now it make perfect sense.

Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
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Re: This pretty much explains the fantasy that limerence is

Post by L-F »

I'm a few years behind you David on the understanding front.
I agree in part and also disagree with Sam. Urgh... I could see LO agreeing with everything he says. I would dislike these boring conversations with LO, I would be constantly arguing against her pov. We would have the same kind of heated debates over the bible should she believe in one Bible's interpretation being the correct one.

A love/hate relationship? Lol

Anyway, questions it left me with:
What is the difference between saying one has identified with a false self (which was an externalized imaginary friend internalized) and developing an ego?
To separate from an interject so that when you ask yourself a question your authentic self answers instead of an interject, you would need to do what? Meditate and become one with the flow of consciousness?
Not all limerents had imaginary friends. I didn't.
I would agree some children live in a fantasy world based on the simple observation they idolize their abusive parents. But, what of those children who hate or are afraid of their abusive caregivers? Do they too develop a false self? I don't believe trauma = narcissist/borderline personality, yet I do believe all narcissists have been traumatized. What I didn't hear is a balanced view, it appeared an all-or-nothing approach. Maybe I picked up the wrong end of this stick?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3859
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Age: 64
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Re: This pretty much explains the fantasy that limerence is

Post by David »

For me, the way he approaches narcissism is very much looking at people with full blown personality disorders. In my own clinical experience, it’s never that easy to make a hard diagnoses as most behaviours exist on a continuum. Maybe he comes at it from a black-and-white perspective, because it makes it easier to Frame his theories around this. I think it was on this talk. He says that psychology is not a science which I totally agree with.

I also agree with you that not all traumatised people have personality disorders and yet I do believe also that all personality disorderd people have trauma.

I do think though is explanation of the fantasy that we create in Limerence fits this model. Maybe the difference is Limerence is a transient state, where as people with personality disorders have more permanent states? Anyhow, I do like the way that he has the gun very deeply into narcissism. I did read his book many years ago when I first got Limerence called narcissism, malignant self love. I found it useful.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: This pretty much explains the fantasy that limerence is

Post by L-F »

Yep I pretty much agree with you. I picked up his black & white view which is where I was a bit iffy. At the same time, it was quite nice having some meat on the bones of narcissism instead of this 'woman's magazine style narcissism' or the ever so popular 'life coach influencer jump on the bandwagon approach' of narcissism. Pop-culture narcissism really gets up my nose. And as soon as a health professional starts using this kind of talk I lose respect for them. In short, I appreciated Sam's view and explanation. Words like glimmer and gaslighting are over used when in reality, the person being spoken about is just an A- hole who may or may not have a full blown personality disorder .
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: This pretty much explains the fantasy that limerence is

Post by L-F »

This is worth a pin David. And remove my crap =))
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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