Feeling strong withdrawal symptoms

[HenrySilver]

I’ve gone NC with my LO (coworker/close friend) for about 40 days now.

The feelings of isolation and depression are intense. Thoughts of low self worth from the fact that she hasn’t reached out to me to find out why we went from speaking daily to NC.

It’s hard to sleep. Hard to concentrate at work. Hard to enjoy anything else right now.

[L-F]

Hey Henry Silver, welcome to the forum! Withdrawal is extremely difficult but something that lessens over time. Yes, I've been there, so hang in there and chat with us folk who understand the feelings associated with going no contact. You won't feel isolated here.

What healthy strategies do you have in place right now to help you manage these feelings?

Again, welcome.

[Zsababy]

The feelings of isolation and depression are intense. Thoughts of low self worth from the fact that she hasn’t reached out to me to find out why we went from speaking daily to NC.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. She may very well know that you have feelings for her but gave up. I think we're usually pretty obvious when we like someone as a limerant because we feel so intensely. I'm sure she realizes that you figured out that it wasn't going anywhere that you gave up and she's just letting sleeping dogs lie.

But I'm sure it really hurts. Big hugs to you.

Are there any projects you can redirect your energy to? Like a home improvement or creative project? I find throwing myself into something really helps.

[HenrySilver]

I have things on my list. I work out, picked drawing back up after many years. I’ve also been teaching myself the guitar, though that was something LO and I started together.

It’s been hard to force myself to get back into these activities. The last few weeks of NC, I find myself moping around.

Trying to put a happy face on for my wife and kids.

(I posted earlier as anonymous888, but had to create a new account).

How long until the NC stops hurting so much?

[HenrySilver]

I just had a panic attack. I haven’t had one for several months. It felt like I was just bottling up everything to appear normal at work all day, and when I finally got home, the flood gates opened.

[Zsababy]

I'm sorry you had the attack.

I couldn't give you any kind of answer but things do fade with time and this is a great place to let out all those feelings.
Are you in therapy? If not, that might be a good idea.

[David]

Withdrawal symptoms are common when we are cutting off the supply of our drug.

As to how long this takes to lessen is very individual. In my own case, I would say it took me months.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things like working out, and working on yourself becoming version of yourself that you can be.

I would also strongly recommend you immerse yourself in understanding the evolutionary psychology of attraction and desire. The more you understand about the differences between how men and women work, it can help you see Limerence through different lens .

If you can find a good therapist that understands addiction and attachment and relationships that could also help.

There are a lot of resources here on the forum, especially in the members section which I see you have signed up for.

Again, with my own Limerence, posting on the precursor to this forum was a great help with dialogue with other people that could understand the mania I was experiencing.

[L-F]

How long until the NC stops hurting so much?

For me, a year to fall down the rabbit hole, a year to get out of the rabbit hole, and several years to understand the rabbit hole, all without the aid of a therapist.
If you can, I would suggest finding a knowledgeable therapist if you don't already have one.

[HenrySilver]

I’ve seen a couple of therapist over the last year and a half. I’ve been told it’s OCD, and generalized anxiety. Ive been told it’s some subconscious problem I have with my marriage. All the counseling seemed to be moderately helpful, but never seemed spot on as the symptoms of limerence.

The idea of losing all contact with my LO forever is what started the rumination and then led to the panic attack.

I have an appointment on Monday with someone who says she is familiar with limerence. I’ll see how it goes.

Thank you all for your kind words and support.

There’s a strong urge to share what I’m going through with friends and family, but there’s a lot of shame and embarrassment in admitting that I’ve allowed someone as trivial as crush consume my life. I think of myself as a very level-headed guy normally. This behavior is very out of character for me in other aspects of my life.

[David]

The challenge of working with a female therapist is she wont fully understand what life is like as a man. Our higher levels of testosterone makes a big difference to how we show up in the world.

I learned more about myself by immersing myself in male psychology and doing men’s work than the years i spent in therapy with female therapists. Ive met few male therapist that i judge hold good positive masculine energy.

I also question married men that have “friendships” with woman. Its asking for problems and what is it that prevents you getting what you seek from these friends that you are not getting from male friends?

This may be perceived as an outdated view, however from our evolutionary perspective we are operating on firmware that is hundreds of thousands of years old and hasnt yet caught up with modern society.