Keater wrote: ↑Tue Jan 17, 2023 3:35 am
Wouldn’t telling somebody they aren’t being gaslit, be kind of like gaslighting them in a way?
Just a thought as I was reading above.
I often think about how I became limerent. I had a few close calls with ppl much older than me (teacher, other inappropriate ppl), and I was SUCH an easy mark. I have always really been into older guys. I remember some teachers would kind of lightly tease/flirt but would never have taken it to a different level. And I’m glad. That is disgusting and I am sorry that happened to you.
Where is our radar? Something you said that stood out was, that everybody was staying away from this guy because he is a creep. I feel like sometimes I also ignore major red flags.
In fact my current husband was one giant enormous red flag. And I followed it.
Current LO is also a big red flag. Highly inappropriate LO. But what can I say. I feel like with him I had very little choice in the matter.
What is that? Why? I have no idea. One day the switch just flicked and there it was.
Sorry, just my thoughts. Hope this isn’t post hijacking!
Thank you for sharing.
No you're not hijacking; your comment is very relevant.
As far as denying the gaslighting being gaslighting, I guess it depends on who's doing what. Say if you told me you were abused and that your parents gaslighted you and I told you that you weren't gaslighted, that would probably be gaslighting once removed if I really thought you were abused but denied it. Gaslighting is done by abusers to dent their abuse. The term is very trendy right now & it's getting misused, I think. The term means to intentionally manipulate someone's perception to distract from your guilt of one or more transgressions.
BTW, I never questioned my friend's claims of abuse to her, and neither has my friend, who also says he doesn't know what to believe, but we both agree that some traumatic things took place, but feel like she's an unreliable narrator. But of course you should NEVER say that to a trauma survivor, so we don't.
Regarding missing the red flags, perhaps you are codependent, like me? Like the red flags seem like small obstacles to a better relationship and that you can help them. You don't see them as a potential danger to you.