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Ever wonder if you're somebody else's LO?

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Ever wonder if you're somebody else's LO?

Post by Zsababy »

I think it's interesting to think that we could be someone else's LO and be totally oblivious. Especially as we're fixated on someone else and not paying attention.

I'm pretty sure I was an LO of an old friend of mine because he'd tell me I'm really special, "the most creative person I know" and that in college I was "really hot".

I think I tuned out a lot of signals from guys because I had so few friends & I was afraid of losing another friend. Losing a friend when they find out you're not interested also causes grief.

Anybody else?
L-F
Posts: 4497
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Ever wonder if you're somebody else's LO?

Post by L-F »

I have been. It wasn't fun. If I delved into here the newbies will be traumatized im sure. Because essentially, the person who traumatized me was the LS and even though he didn't lay a finger on me, he had me caged emotionally and mentally. A small example is when he asked why I parked my car in a different area on campus. When I looked at him quizzically he replied something along the lines of where I normally park.
Why should it be of any concern to him what car I drive let alone where I park it?
That example was an innocent one but quickly became burdensome when things started adding up. It's not nice trying to dodge running into someone. And then feeling scared when you do.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5642
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Ever wonder if you're somebody else's LO?

Post by JupiterTaco »

After much reflection I think a lot of people may have been limerent for me or else had feelings for me that they couldn't control or wouldn't control.

Most notably former neighbor from 3 years ago also former coworker from last year is a possibility. Former co-worker from the era of 5th LO was also someone who could have been limerent over me but I thought he was just a lecherous jerk at times. Anyway he'd talk badly about my fifth LO among other things.

I think many former LOs may have been attracted to me but I don't think limerent. Former married manager who was a jerk but had similar family wounds that I did. Friended me the nanosecond I reactivated Facebook once. Had to explain I only use it rarely which was awkward. Would also make comments about how much he and his kids had in common with me. Seemed to have a decent relationship with his wife.

I also have a pattern of mostly older men hassling me about whether or not I'm dating somebody including two former neighbors from years ago who would constantly appear to be scoping out my apartment and one who would knock on my door at all hours.

Another guy I dated in the same apartment complex; friend of a friend who had an ex who apparently lived in my building but trying to get rid of this guy when I decided I was not interested in him was something else and of course my most recent ex. Same type. Literally doesn't care about anything but his own needs. A few younger men who would hover around me and just act weird, like former coworker. A few of those.

Limerence-transference object from middle school LO, in seventh grade in a small town. He was actually popular with the girls. Would stare at me, wave at me and repeat my name all class hour long whatever classes we had together in different ways like an immature little brat. He actually had a female friend who was more of the nerdy type who would sit with him in one of our classes and laugh with him while they made me uncomfortable so that was interesting.

His best friend was another one popular with the girls and a friend of mine had a huge crush on him. He fought with another of his friends to stand behind me in lunch line in front of my friend. I wanted to fall through the floor. Up to that point I tried to ignore his constant comments about how hot I was.

And then I remember there was a boy in like sixth grade who I was not interested in at all. But he would go to these extreme measures to get my attention and even managed to drag one of our teachers into his campaign to get me to be his girlfriend when he couldn't be mature and quite frankly I'm pretty sure I wasn't even allowed to have a boyfriend even if I could find one and I was interested in who was mature. It was hard to tell who is serious and who was just messing around because I was a sexually harassed in that school and didn't acknowledge it for years. However nobody took it seriously.

I'll admit that when I was much younger I had a long history of young boys being crazy trying to get my attention I suppose that stopped when I was like 14 but which I was actually okay with because the attention could be kind of intimidating and for years I could never figure out why I just felt bad that I was always put off by it but anyway it's not something I really like to talk about much. Now I know it's because of other things that happened to me over years.

Childhood best friend's brother had a huge crush on me for years in childhood and would constantly insert himself into whatever we were doing which irritated both of us.

Deceased former classmate who visits me in my dreams regularly and has helped me a lot from the other side over the things that have happened over the past few years in my life. We had like three interactions that I can remember, initiated by him, and he was also way more popular than me. May not be the case but I have a hard time thinking of the reason why he's been there for me but whatever the reason I'm grateful for him. I just have no logical explanation for it. A couple of lesbians in there for variety.

None of these people made a real move so I have a hard time figuring that out.
"Are you hitting on me?" Paige, The L Word
"Um...no...I wasn't...but...I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," Shane
"I'm sorry. I was hoping that you were," Paige
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Ever wonder if you're somebody else's LO?

Post by Zsababy »

L-F wrote: Tue Jan 10, 2023 11:13 pm I have been. It wasn't fun. If I delved into here the newbies will be traumatized im sure. Because essentially, the person who traumatized me was the LS and even though he didn't lay a finger on me, he had me caged emotionally and mentally. A small example is when he asked why I parked my car in a different area on campus. When I looked at him quizzically he replied something along the lines of where I normally park.
Why should it be of any concern to him what car I drive let alone where I park it?
That example was an innocent one but quickly became burdensome when things started adding up. It's not nice trying to dodge running into someone. And then feeling scared when you do.
Eww, that's really creepy. Nobody wants to be tracked that closely. Spooky.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Ever wonder if you're somebody else's LO?

Post by Zsababy »

My thinking about a former LO who seemed to become an LS (tons of Facebook messaging even though I barely responded) and who I ended up finding annoying. Not scary, like scoping out my place or my habits, but just pesky. A benign pest. But it's not his fault as I was once interested in him (but it was around 2010!)

It made me think about how I probably annoy my LO by commenting on his tweets too much and seeming like I want to start a chat. Mostly I'm normal but it's pretty obvious that I have a raging crush. I probably come off as a benign pest to him. Ah well.

Thinking of my being the LO helps me get a different angle of perspective on my own potentially problematic behavior. The last thing I want is to be disliked by him. But I can't entirely control that. I may be just another pesky fan. Oh well. Sigh
L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Ever wonder if you're somebody else's LO?

Post by L-F »

Zsababy wrote: Wed Jan 11, 2023 8:27 am Eww, that's really creepy. Nobody wants to be tracked that closely. Spooky.
And yet, a lot of LS do! Perhaps they don't tell their LO quite the way he did. I guess it comes back to the definition of 'stalking'. If the LO isn't aware or doesn't feel harassed then it's harmless (but then even this is questionable given the example JT gave which could set a precedent and alter its courtroom definition - the quickest way to know is to ask 'what is LS's intent?').

At the end, of the day, I felt harassed.

As for your situation, I feel it's harmless given there is no ill intent and there's a huge difference between being pesky or scary. I'll take pesky any day!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Ever wonder if you're somebody else's LO?

Post by L-F »

L-F wrote: Wed Jan 11, 2023 1:36 pm If the LO isn't aware or doesn't feel harassed then it's harmless (but then even this is questionable given the example JT gave which could set a precedent and alter its courtroom definition - the quickest way to know is to ask 'what is LS's intent?').
Was thinking about the term 'stalking' and the Idaho murders, not that I know enough about it, I'm thinking it's an 'AND' or 'OR' situation when it comes to the definition of stalking.
Stalking involves persistent harassment with the intent to instill fear or injury. Now I'm guessing there wasn't any of that in the case above? Again, don't know much about the case. But if the victims were unaware (as in didn't register any threat), would it still be classed as stalking? and this is where the 'OR' comes in, in my unqualified opinion.
Intent (stalker) plus awareness (of threat) = stalking.
Intent (stalker) and no awareness of intentions, in my opinion still = stalking. The INTENT needs to be present and that alone is enough.

Which makes me think most limerents are gawkers - zero intent to cause harm.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Ever wonder if you're somebody else's LO?

Post by Zsababy »

I think we're mostly gawkers and I love that term. I too think the word "stalking" gets thrown around too loosely.
But I think there's a grey area where it could be unknown to the LO but still be very stalky-- and that comes into trying to track their location. I know someone on FB in a group that has a client (escort) and she wants to put a tracker on his car. She's not trying to physically hurt him but she does want to reveal his cheating to his wife out of spite. She focuses waaaay too much on the details of his life but it starts out with the usual thing of looking at his wife and comparing herself & trying to analyze their relationship. Then it gets kinda scary. She's just way obsessed.

I guess some SM apps have features that can show your location, even to the public, which is scary as f**k. Apparently you have to change the settings so that the whole world doesn't know where you are. Yikes
L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
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Re: Ever wonder if you're somebody else's LO?

Post by L-F »

I'm not denying another persons reality though I will challenge a person's understanding of the concept, which is not gaslighting. To me, breaking someone down with psychological manipulation is what agents do to prisoners of war. Though that might be seen on the extreme end.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4497
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Ever wonder if you're somebody else's LO?

Post by L-F »

That is scary Zsababy! Over the top behavior. Bunny boiler springs to mind.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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