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Progress reports?

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
Keater
Posts: 58
Joined: Sun Nov 22, 2015 3:02 pm
United States of America

Re: Progress reports?

Post by Keater »

I feel like my attraction is obvious, so obvious in fact that everybody around me knows exactly what I am thinking. I also don’t have a great poker face.
I go over a lot of things with my therapist. She tells me that people can’t see it, even though I feel it. And we talk about the things I do, and they usually fall into the appropriate range.
I bet priests have ppl get weird hang ups on them right? He has told us some stories, not about romantic things, but about random kind of disturbing events with ppl singling them out.
As far as cutting back on contact. I could. But I don’t want to. It would involve me going to a different church and I don’t really want to do that. I like where I am, and the friendships and church family I have built. I wouldn’t have that somewhere else. So I try to manage it poorly.
I did tell my therapist I get so tired of trying to carry it sometimes that I just want to confess it to him. To just dump it in his lap and he will do the NC for me. But she told me that isn’t really fair to him, and that it could mess a lot up for me at church as well, like even down the line.
Have you no idea that you're in deep?
I dreamt about you nearly every night this week
How many secrets can you keep?
'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat
L-F
Posts: 4478
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Progress reports?

Post by L-F »

Keater wrote: Sun Jan 22, 2023 4:25 pm I did tell my therapist I get so tired of trying to carry it sometimes that I just want to confess it to him. To just dump it in his lap and he will do the NC for me. But she told me that isn’t really fair to him, and that it could mess a lot up for me at church as well, like even down the line.
They gave good advice Keater. It's not worth telling them for all kinds of reasons, IMO. I wish I hadn't disclosed to LO and even worse, expected LO to help me out of it! Well they were a psychotherapist/family counselor of 25yrs and then my tutor, so kinda thought I'd get free counseling of sorts.
Well anyway, thought LO would know how to handle the situation but in reality, it wasn't LOs problem. Not that I wasn't level-headed (didn't gush over LO or bat my eyelashes, etc), I simply wanted a logical approach out of being limerent and thought LO was knowledgable enough to point me in the right direction.

Even though it wasn't their problem my intention was information seeking, not a union since I knew limerence wasn't real nor good for me. The feelings were 100% real, the fantasy-like thoughts obviously weren't.

To be honest, LO would have known the amount of work required and most likely my triggers, which is a heavy load to expect someone to help me with.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Cap
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Feb 20, 2014 12:09 pm
United States of America

Re: Progress reports?

Post by Cap »

It's been awhile and I had forgotten about this forum until I received an email nudge. My limerence was apparently restricted to a single relationship (though lasting a long time). Long story short is that starvation worked, and I haven't had an issue with it for several years. Life is back to normal and I feel like myself again. :ymparty:
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Progress reports?

Post by Zsababy »

Cap wrote: Mon Jan 23, 2023 7:21 pm It's been awhile and I had forgotten about this forum until I received an email nudge. My limerence was apparently restricted to a single relationship (though lasting a long time). Long story short is that starvation worked, and I haven't had an issue with it for several years. Life is back to normal and I feel like myself again. :ymparty:
How long was your limerance? And does starvation just me no contact?
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Progress reports?

Post by Zsababy »

That's great news!
Cap
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Feb 20, 2014 12:09 pm
United States of America

Re: Progress reports?

Post by Cap »

Long story. It went on for decades. "No contact" means no contact whatsoever - no communications, direct or indirect, no internet snooping, no nothing.

Took awhile, but it worked.
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3853
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Age: 64
Great Britain

Re: Progress reports?

Post by David »

Cap wrote: Mon Jan 23, 2023 9:24 pm Long story. It went on for decades. "No contact" means no contact whatsoever - no communications, direct or indirect, no internet snooping, no nothing.

Took awhile, but it worked.
NC generally does work, results are not instant - it took me i'd say 2-3 years of NC for the thoughts to completely dissipate. Crazy when i reflect back how powerful the fantasy can be.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
Posts: 4478
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Progress reports?

Post by L-F »

Yip, starvation works. It's whether it cures the tendency to fall limerent that makes me go :-?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Keater
Posts: 58
Joined: Sun Nov 22, 2015 3:02 pm
United States of America

Re: Progress reports?

Post by Keater »

Wow the power of the human brain huh?
Even with an NC it still takes years to calm down. Isn’t that something?!
Progress…
It has been worse lately. Mostly a desire to see him, talk with him. I’m planning things to day, offered to make a meal, stopped by for a project, send a message about a game on TV. It’s not lengthy conversations. Sometimes I just get a “Thanks” back.
I wish I was stronger. It would be nice to not talk to him at all? And see if he tries to talk to me.
I still can’t gauge if he knows how I feel. I would think it’s obvious in the way I act, but it could just be written off as an overactive parishioner. I haven’t acted untoward at all.
I almost just want validation. I do not want to be rejected, but even just to know that he does find me attractive, would be enough.
But it would be highly inappropriate for him to just say that in any way.
He seems so in control of himself. I cannot control myself. My discipline is very weak. I feel like a weak person mentally.
Husband has been nice lately. Makes me feel even worse.
Oh and I watched David’s tiktok about disclosing to spouse. Wow. I do not think I am ready for that. He will tell me not to do any of the stuff I am doing, and I’m not willing yet to give that up.
I also don’t want it thrown in my face in a fight, or 10 years from now. He brings up some very old stuff sometimes and I don’t want him to have any extra ammunition.
Sorry for the novel.
In short, TLDR: it’s not going great at the moment.
Have you no idea that you're in deep?
I dreamt about you nearly every night this week
How many secrets can you keep?
'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat
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