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Feeling a little lost?

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
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Feeling a little lost?

Post by L-F »

Feeling a little 'lost' with all the info floating around on the net on the 'how-tos' and whatnot of becoming limerent free? Meditation? Purposeful living? Reprogramming thoughts?

I don't blame you! I read a thread on another platform where someone stated they found the information like a pot of gold, but the 'doing' was the hardest part (how many times have I known what to do when it comes to losing weight, but not been able to follow thru? Countless times!). I don't believe it's because humans are lazy per se, or that they don't possess the inner knowledge of what to do, however, I believe if given a chance, humans in general will take the easier route, no matter the situation they are trying to improve. Battling an addiction-like situation is difficult right? So, we need to give ourselves credit for trying. Even if that looks like a small NC win for the hour, day, etc.

It's easy for me to sit here and say what one can or should try. Everyone wants to be an expert right? Urgh... Feels like trends and pop neuroscience/human behavior all over. It's the same old stuff served up and put in neat little packages with bows on top.

I can't help but think of Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People which doesn't rely on pop psychology or trends. Or one-on-one support like the no-nonsense support David gives. It's NOT easy and doesn't claim to be all sweet sailing. It's the magazine-type hype I view as snake oil. If I make it smell good, people will think it smells good, even if it's almost too difficult to achieve (just look at the example above about knowing what to do but not having the 'whatever' it takes to do it). I believe most people want to be sold something. Something is better than nothing.

Anyway, not sure of the purpose of this thread other than to have a little moan, and to celebrate those small wins with people no matter how insignificant they look.

I believe, it's those small wins that propel people on to bigger wins. But that's my little take on the situation without needing a Ph.D.


Take those small wins and pat yourself on the back! Because if you don't, I will!

If you're feeling a little lost or oomphless, find a friend to share the journey with. *steps down from the soapbox* Thanks for attending the Ted Talk.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
David
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Re: Feeling a little lost?

Post by David »

Lf, You raise an interesting topic around information overload, that I haven’t really given much thought to.

When I first got Limerence over a decade now, there wasn’t much information out there, so I never really felt swamped, if anything, I was craving any titbits that could help me.

much of the information I had to glean from parallel conditions like codependency, narcissism, love, addiction, et cetera

. I do wonder what it’s like for the newcomer who’s just discovered Limerence with the amount of advice out there.

Thanks for getting me to stop and contemplate this.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
Zsababy
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Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Feeling a little lost?

Post by Zsababy »

The other thing I'm seeing in my Facebook limerance support group is that it looks like limerance has almost become trendy, like calling everything limerance when you're just having a hard time letting go of someone who dumped you or didn't call you back. Just pathologizing relatively normal romantic disappointment or dealings with careless or unkind people.
I remember when Prozac came out on the late 80s, suddenly everyone had depression and everyone needed it.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
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Re: Feeling a little lost?

Post by Zsababy »

Not to say that getting rejected is fun, but who really gets rejected by someone they like and just goes "welp, guess that's that!" And just moves on without looking back even once. It's just not like that.
I think with pop psychology there is a tendency to conflate negative feelings with dysfunctional cognitive patterns and overall emotional instability. Life is messy.

Just like how being down because you got laid off is not the same as clinical depression
Yesnomaybeso
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Australia

Re: Feeling a little lost?

Post by Yesnomaybeso »

I really can relate to this post. I often feel this way on my healing journey. It can be quite frustrating. I'm trying to be patient this time around and stop trying to take the easier way out.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Feeling a little lost?

Post by Zsababy »

Woah, I misread & went way off-topic 😂😂😂
L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
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Re: Feeling a little lost?

Post by L-F »

I didn't think you went off-topic.
Zsababy wrote: Fri Jan 27, 2023 4:21 am The other thing I'm seeing in my Facebook limerance support group is that it looks like limerance has almost become trendy, like calling everything limerance when you're just having a hard time letting go of someone who dumped you or didn't call you back. Just pathologizing relatively normal romantic disappointment or dealings with careless or unkind people.
I remember when Prozac came out on the late 80s, suddenly everyone had depression and everyone needed it.
Interesting isnt it. I agree the term limerence has become trendy, hence people jumping on the bandwagon to write about it. I've always liked David's approach, though like David I learned a lot along the way (so many topics creep into the picture!).

I believe it is a journey rather than a puzzle to be solved with quick fixes or simple solutions. It's a majorly complex phenomenon! Anyway, David has good advice/information on the complexity of it.

Good luck Yesnomaybeso! It can be a bumpy ride as you already know.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
David
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Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
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Re: Feeling a little lost?

Post by David »

Zsababy wrote: Fri Jan 27, 2023 4:21 am The other thing I'm seeing in my Facebook limerance support group is that it looks like limerance has almost become trendy, like calling everything limerance when you're just having a hard time letting go of someone who dumped you or didn't call you back. Just pathologizing relatively normal romantic disappointment or dealings with careless or unkind people.
I remember when Prozac came out on the late 80s, suddenly everyone had depression and everyone needed it.
interesting observation and i've also noticed how what i feel limerence is, is now being conflated with far less significant emotional upsets. I remember the seminal moment i first told my T about my brain virus and she "oh you mean a crush then" and I said no no no - this is unlike any crush ive ever felt and i had had crushed before. I still believe Tenov described limerence from the same perspective im coming at it from - attraction being hindered by obstruction with ramped up wy over the top fantasisation (i ve just made that word up) leading to the hell we get caught up in.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
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Re: Feeling a little lost?

Post by L-F »

David wrote: Sun Jan 29, 2023 8:23 pm I still believe Tenov described limerence from the same perspective im coming at it from - attraction being hindered by obstruction with ramped up wy over the top fantasisation (i ve just made that word up) leading to the hell we get caught up in.
Yes... But... :D

Why do we simultaneously enjoy what we loathe? I mean, I, like many limerents, am cognizant of what we are experiencing with little to no reserves to fight it? It's as if we allow ourselves, or perhaps throw ourselves, on the feet of the devil limerence itself.

Why do we justify being here? When I say 'we' I mean 'I' and all those who can relate.

I used to say, in the felt sense, that the pain of limerence was romantic whilst simultaneously breaking me apart emotionally.

I loved LO (or thought I did) while hating the obsessive part of my brain. It's an internal fight that goes beyond crushing. And weirdly, Id says taking drugs gives you a high but leaves you empty afterward, I know I felt 'the after effect' of a high at the same time I was high! (on limerence that is).
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Feeling a little lost?

Post by L-F »

And please don't bring up neuropathways :-j

Because I can't imagine the brain can split between two states similatously, or perhaps it can?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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