Tips for maintaining NC and fend off ruminating?

[HenrySilver]

Hello all,

I’ve been trying to go minimal contact for about 2-3 months now. I’ve also been in therapy.

Things are much better than they were a year ago, but I’m still struggling with urges to reach out to my LO. (We work together).

About once a week, I end up caving in and reaching out to her. Although it’s a lot less contact than before (we used to chat daily), I’m still struggling with the rumination.

Does anyone have any tips that help them when they feel the urge to reach out? Mantras you repeat to yourself?

I’ve been trying to distract myself with hobbies and work. Therapist had also suggested that when I feel the urge to reach out, just switch gears and text my wife instead.

I’m interested to hear how you all have been coping. Thanks.

[L-F]

Therapist had also suggested that when I feel the urge to reach out, just switch gears and text my wife instead.

I like this tip! I've used it before too. Another tip I used is looking at the outcome of a union. For me, it was easy to see that we'd end up hating each other because I had fallen in love with an image of her and not for who she was as a person. Any idealization would have killed the long-term outcome.