Fired Therapist

[L-F]

Both of these coaches helped me make a lot of strides in difficult times but in both cases there were serious ethical lines crosses. Not sure therapists are always innocent there but at least with more regimented program and a license they would stick to ethical boundaries better?

Sadly, nope. It doesn't matter the profession, lines can become blurry and not all therapists are ethical.

Your LO and my LO weren't ethical, just as I'd imagine most if not all other LO's, and how many LO's are Therapists I wonder?

As for going NC, I get it. Being boundaried means being aware of your side of the dance, it doesn't mean going NC, which you've already shared. I have to say, you've come here with a lot of knowledge and empathy for limerence and yourself from what I can see, which is... Not sure what im trying to say other than I'm impressed with your emotional maturity. Absolutely rocking it Asha.

[Zsababy]

Any practitioner can cross boundaries; there are definitely unethical therapists out there, but I think the guidelines on boundaries is stronger. It just seems so vague with coaching, like they're more likely to feel they can tell you what to do. I'm not saying they all do. But I think a therapist who married a client would lose their license. Anyone that marries or sleeps with a client should be given the boot, & it doesn't seem like coaches have that kind of regulatory oversight but I'm only guessing.

On another front, perhaps the coach who has no empathy for the divorce mess is just projecting their professional failure onto you and considers it "part of the process".

But yes, therapists can suck too. I had one having me think I should cut ties with my dying father. He also blew up at me over nothing. He worked at a free clinic; you get what you pay for lol

[Asha999]

you get what you pay for lol

A couple hours ago I got a bill for $15,000. Haven’t been invoiced since September. Zoom live coaching sessions are $200. Had like 10 of those. $12,0000 for text messages coaching. Most of these messages occurred after I was encouraged to declare my love to my LO, she rescheduled on me for 3 weeks and I went full limerence and was deep into anxiety and depression over it. Few sessions occurring so I was reaching out over text or she was reaching out. Like I get I have to pay for that time but $12,000 with no discussion of it?

Do I short pay that and day so sue me?

Limerence is just a gift that keeps on giving in so many dreadful ways.

[Asha999]

I have to say, you've come here with a lot of knowledge and empathy for limerence and yourself from what I can see, which is... Not sure what im trying to say other than I'm impressed with your emotional maturity

I really truly appreciate the response and support L-F. I discovered limerence sometime over the holidays when I was racked with anxiety (probably from being away from LO and the stress of being around family and tension with my husband and my first suggesting ending our marriage). I knew 100% right away it was what was going in and started self therapy about why. This is what is so interesting to me about limerence… like how many of us self diagnose? And despite all the hell it causes there’s a decent amount of self regulation to admit to it and seek help. I don’t doubt for a second our neurotransmitters are mimicking addiction. That is what it feels like. Yet it’s not really recognized by hardly anyone. Some friends of mine were joking with me in December that they were going to give me an intervention for overtraining in my sport… I was like”if you guys want to put me in a van and take me away so we can work some stuff out can you make sure it’s for 60 days and not 30?” I wasn’t joking. Anyway, the amount of content people have benevolently put out there about limerence, recovery and their own stories is astounding. Limerence is just excruciating and for me it’s very shameful… to confess having it to a therapist who knows mental health issues have ravaged my family… like that’s hard to do. All of us who have limerence have some sort of pretty serious root cause. And there’s a lot of people admitting to the problem, investigating it’s origins and supporting others through it. Thank goodness for all of that, in my case if I hadn’t stumbled upon it I would be in a very very very bad place by now, no thanks to a therapist coach who was pushing me to indulge in an extremely volatile fantasy or reality, whichever it ends up being.

[Asha999]

. And no I don't think that the right partner is going to come along and ransack your life and cause you a bunch of confusion. A wound mate does that.

Wow. That’s a lot of needed truth right there.



On the subject of coaching I saw something funny online today. I follow this page called billionaire and today they had a motivational message talking about how every time you slack off was the gist of the message and miss a workout or don't do other things and one of things was "sit on the coach" which I'msure was a typo, but smart-ass me wrote "sit on the coach? That's an option???" Thought it was funny.

Hahaha!!! There are only two people on earth I would wish the experience of limerence upon right now. Vladimir Putin and my coach. Sitting on her is not sufficient.

[L-F]

like how many of us self diagnose?

Ain't that the truth. I would like to see a poll on this.

Any practitioner can cross boundaries; there are definitely unethical therapists out there, but I think the guidelines on boundaries is stronger. It just seems so vague with coaching, like they're more likely to feel they can tell you what to do.

Yeah idk, it's an interesting subject, surely coaches would know the importance of boundaries? I mean, who doesn't practice being boundaried with clients? Even my tutor had slack boundaries when it came to having students over at her home.
Idk... Perhaps its because im a prude and a bit on the nerdy textbook side? One must stick to the rules lol
Perhaps it's because I'm aware of what being an LO and LS means? Scary times indeed (for me that is), or perhaps it's because I studied ethics and client / T relationships? Anyway, it's just something I take for granted, that everyone should be doing it without question.

[JupiterTaco]

Not all coaches have boundaries just like probably not all therapists. One of my former bosses who was a doctor seemed like he could act borderlinish quite a bit and let his emotions get the better of him. My two job coach bosses had terrible boundaries. One talked loudly in public about our various clients and laughed about how one who was a sex offender didn't think to tell his potential employer (he had an intellectual disability). My other boss well I may have mentioned that he brought up politics at a meeting one day and insisted I get paid for my time to vote for his side. If I could begin to explain how icky it was to be mansplained about who would "protect the few rights I have left".

The one bitch later tried to tell me that I "didn't want my clients to be self-sufficient" when they didn't even know that one other client was line-of-sight, which smacked me in the face pretty badly as I'd gone in there with a plan to have her ready to be by herself within two weeks, which were their instructions. And it wasn't that she couldn't do it. I have no doubt she could've. Me and her care provider were trying to find out exactly what that meant for her when she decided she didn't like her job and quit anyway. My former bosses tried to blame all that on the DVR counselor who I'm pretty sure was already gone when I started...and come to think of it, I don't think I ever did get paid the mileage to go way out of the way for a client who ended up going out of our area either. Talked all around it trying not to pay me. I decided not to report them but left them a bad review which got hidden surprise, surprise.

The subject of the clients' independence came up at a meeting right before I gave my notice, when I mentioned I was putting together a safety plan of teaching situational-awareness to three clients who lived in a particularly bad area proliferated by homeless camps, in which one of my clients had already been jumped wandering around by himself once. That was when they told me they didn't think I wanted them to be independent. I was like really??? In all honesty I think she was projecting and she didn't want the clients to become independent because she had a scarcity mindset and didn't think she'd get more to replace them. I'm pretty certain all she cared about was the money as she was always taking on new clients they knew nothing about and not updating their computer system to accomodate them which was another problem I had working there. She came across like some spoiled daddy's girl rebelling and trying to seem indie and didn't know anything about people or business.

Got that right, some people have no business in the helping professions.

[David]

Geez, what a shit show all around. Sorry you are going through this and are now faced with large bills.

The others have posted already re ethical boundaries and coached / therapists not telling clients what to do.

I hope you find sone solace here

[David]

Got that right, some people have no business in the helping professions.

[L-F]

It's really sad that a lot of people don't realize that happiness comes from within

......... and hence why im not a fan of going to a T. For one, the Ts I've been to have hit brick walls with me because "I know stuff"... That's not good enough for me. Everything they have shared with me I understand from my studies and I get the feeling they don't know what to say to me. Urgh... But a coach, I'd go to one hands down. not because they are in my corner, it's because they know how far to push me. Usually 10% more than I already push myself. but I am talking about PTs here.

I think we're all different and have different needs when it comes to the approach that works for us as individuals.
Being the stubborn kind, if someone told me what to do, I'd tell them where to go lol
There's a fine line (or huge chasm) between making a suggestion or planting a seed or questioning as opposed to 'telling' someone what to do.

A couple hours ago I got a bill for $15,000.

Holy cow ... Maybe I should become a coach
Joking
I'm definitely not in the helping profession by choice. LO and a few f'd up professional friends have put me off. If they are f'd up, what chance do I have?
That aside.

That is a LOT of money. I'd tell her since the price hadn't been discussed or negotiated, to sue me