BECOME A MEMBER AND EMBRACE EXCLUSIVE ACCESS
Unlock exclusive features and connect with like-minded individuals by upgrading to our premium membership.
As a member, you'll gain access to our members-only forums, where you can:
Engage in meaningful discussions: Read, create, and search all threads and posts, fostering a vibrant community of like-minded individuals.
Establish deeper connections: Utilize our private messaging system to connect with other members on a personal level, fostering meaningful relationships.
Enjoy these benefits and more for just $2.99 per month, payable securely via PayPal.
Membership is flexible, allowing you to cancel anytime without any hassle.
Sign up today and embark on a journey of personal growth and connection. Join our community of passionate individuals and unlock a world of possibilities.

Click https://limerence.net/membership-accoun ... p-checkout

Fired Therapist

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
Post Reply
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

She's quite the dominant type, and I dislike being told what to do. I remember a time I didn't obey her and she flew across the room to stand inches away. I swear had there not been someone else in the office she would have had her hands around my throat and had me pinned up against the wall. The disturbing thing was, I would have enjoyed it! The sexual tension in that heated debate moment was phenomenal. There was another time she motioned to the back seat of her car and I just smiled and told her to have a lovely weekend and walked off.
Far too many games to mention here.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3859
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Age: 64
Great Britain

Re: Fired Therapist

Post by David »

L-F wrote: Sun Apr 16, 2023 3:43 am She's quite the dominant type, and I dislike being told what to do. I remember a time I didn't obey her and she flew across the room to stand inches away. I swear had there not been someone else in the office she would have had her hands around my throat and had me pinned up against the wall. The disturbing thing was, I would have enjoyed it! The sexual tension in that heated debate moment was phenomenal. There was another time she motioned to the back seat of her car and I just smiled and told her to have a lovely weekend and walked off.
Far too many games to mention here.
I wonder how much of same sex attraction is to do with the what Jung called the Anima (feminine energy) and the Animus (masculine energy)? Do these women you are attracted to hold more of the masculine polarity? Perhaps we get too fixated in what gender that person presents to us? My own limerence was far more about my daddy issues that presented in the (safer) female form.

Men seem to hold a lot more shame around any homosexual tendencies. I have worked with a number of men that when they feel safe enough divulge they are attracted to transexuals - perhaps that somehow makes same sex male attraction safer for them? For sure I think some transexuals are very physically attractive - does that make me bi? No idea, I teased it apart in therapy and eventually have come to terms with it. Then again
men are more visual with attraction as opposed to the emotional attraction.

As Ive often heard, from an evolutionary perspective men seek beauty objects and women seek success objects.

Hope you don't mind a male perspective chipping in and thxs for sharing honestly - I always find this fascinating.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

David wrote: Sun Apr 16, 2023 6:40 am Men seem to hold a lot more shame around any homosexual tendencies.
:(
Because it's not 'manly' right? Sad. Miss out on so much. Even anal play with women because, well, that area is reserved for... :-??
David wrote: Sun Apr 16, 2023 6:40 am Then again men are more visual with attraction as opposed to the emotional attraction.
Makes me question why some men like men? Perhaps because they allow themselves to be more vulnerable and expressive?
David wrote: Sun Apr 16, 2023 6:40 am I wonder how much of same sex attraction is to do with the what Jung called the Anima (feminine energy) and the Animus (masculine energy)? Do these women you are attracted to hold more of the masculine polarity?
100% and yes. Not necessarily "masculine" looking women but most definitely Animus. Strong. Confident. Focused. Successful. Not afraid of conflict. Sure of themselves (can hold their own). Not needy or overly emotional. Independent. Oooh think I described Asha :))

Even those as described above can fall prey to limerence. LO confessed she fell for her tutor too.
David wrote: Sun Apr 16, 2023 6:40 am As Ive often heard, from an evolutionary perspective men seek beauty objects and women seek success objects.
Well... Given I think I'm cute, LO wanted it all! =))
But yes, she was success driven. Almost power hungry. She got a kick out of ruling the class and im sure she secretly resented that fact I was the only student to challenge her on so many levels.

All I ask is that from our interaction she has learned something. Hopefully to be more humble? I know I have. Perhaps that was the destiny of our connection? To learn and grow as individuals.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Asha999
Posts: 55
Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2023 4:52 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

Oh wow now I could really write a book David and L-F. Sorry I can’t do the quote thing accurately so I’ll just ramble…as L-F confirmed… animus oh heck yeah. I think this is social/cultural as much as psychological. If you’re a strong, successful, confident woman (haha thanks for benefit of the doubt there LF, takes one to know I guess) chances are you’ve had to confront a lot of BS from men who are attracted to that but still need to be dominant. That gets real old.I think LO is sexy as hell because she’s one of the the few people I’ve met who does this dominance dance better then I do, she’s all the things but very real. She can look cute crushing the guys in our sport and have the quip so they don’t walk away mad. Guys just don’t do all that because they don’t have to…I think women can and are allowed to appreciate other women for their beauty, success etc. Or at least in the climate of sports we do… probably why there are so many homosexual female athletes… I’ve been pondering that a lot. Is it our body chemistry? Or do we just have each others company and decide we don’t need the guys and their insecurities about who we are?

So maybe a lot of women’s poles shift later in life having attained our own success (and family) and we seek beauty? That sounds about right to me right now. Add to that many women end up with a life history of unsatisfactory sexual experiences and male partners pressuring them into these unsatisfactory undertakings… somebody who knows their way around the female body or at least would leave you the heck alone after a couple beers also sounds real good.

I’m trying to figure out a lot of the nuances in all this now. I checked out some lesbian dating sites in my research and I’m like wow that’s not me or what I’m after. But there’s a whole universe of bisexual women that are successful, present more feminine aesthetically and are curious. Now that sounds spectacular! Bi I think seems much less common for men? But at this point if I were to find a guy attractive it would be a guy with a man bun or somehow in touch with more feminine energy. I don’t need to be dominant but I’m done being dominated. I think that’s a very real thing for many women of my age (Gen X) who are equals in so many ways but our male cohorts/partners never quite got that memo at home. I think Women find someone who “gets” and appreciates them, all of them, attractive…so the odds of that being another woman are pretty good I guess?

I’d be so curious to explore the psychology of it. I’ll reach out David re some sessions?
Last edited by Asha999 on Sun Apr 16, 2023 8:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
Asha999
Posts: 55
Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2023 4:52 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

[quote=L-F post_id=78857 time=1681612494 user_id=1402

Hence our continual input =))



The first day I met LO I felt physically sick for no reason. I went into full-on panic mode (the first-ever anxiety attack). Never a thought crossed my mind that women were attractive in a sexual way. Anyway, I tried to flee the building to escape being interviewed by her. Dang no exit door! Was going to hide out in the toilets until the next interviewer come along. during the interview she asked a question that made me squirm, she's a psychotherapist, not that she was playing me, but...


Whoa so this was limerence at first sight? Omg that sounds terrible. Never mind the manipulation that came after. I can believe such a pull exists and it sounds like a nightmare. That would leave one reeling for a good long time. How long did it take you to feel over it?
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5664
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Fired Therapist

Post by JupiterTaco »

I imagine the gender role confusion is a big part of queer womens’ confusion not only since the media portrays people as being one or the other, such as gay women being men but still objectifiable in porn, gay men being women inside, etc. The differing ways in which they’re treated in general society (btw there are plenty of very-masculine gay men and I don’t understand how someone can’t see the extreme masculinity in the idea of two men getting it on. I mean it’s two men getting it on! What’s more masculine than that?)The real presence of trans people who can still be attracted to the biological opposite sex probably only adds to the confusion and misconceptions.

I know this is off the subject of same-sex relationships since I’ve done my most recent growth not only with my last short-lived relationship but also the situation with my male coworker, but I learned a lot more about what’s expected of women and really how creepy and presumptuous it comes across if you spent a time not experiencing it and then you go back to random people, sometimes even people you don’t know placing expectations of your gender on you, such as people being expected to take on someone else’s emotional labor or become a caretaker of any type just because they have a vagina. I know men have their own struggles and that I may not know what they are, but they are pretty used to getting their way and that’s how they act in heterosexual interactions. It’s so strange to be able to see that later. Both with my former coworker and my most recent ex/friend/roommate, you see how men mostly act. They want their agenda no matter what you want.

What’s crazy is that I had told my ex about my former coworker and for some reason he now holds him up as some example of how to act with me, trying to touch me all the time like my former most recent coworker did, asking me if I would’ve liked it if that guy did it, and I finally asked him, why would you want to pretty much manipulate someone into having feelings for you which is what my former coworker did? That may work for awhile but those feelings don’t last forever. Wouldn’t you rather someone like you for you as a person and decide that for themselves? But maybe that’s another difference between men and women, or just that men don’t think of that. Then they get mad later when what they get wasn’t what they wanted. For so many reasons I’ve been pondering that, without attraction to men, really, what is the point of having relationships with them? Which just makes me feel kind of worse, because I’m basically relegating a whole gender just like my mother does.

But I know that long-term I am not compatible with my ex. I can only spend so much time around him before he starts getting on my last nerve. And I mention that because it also I think ties back to the gender-role thing. He is not any kind of go-getter. He’s very kind and helpful in other ways but not ways in which men are traditionally expected to be I guess, and that annoys me even more that I think about that since I’m not a huge fan of gender roles. I think women need to do what they can to live their best lives themselves and I think men should acknowledge their feelings.

I don’t know if it’s because the conditioning I received around gender roles is just that deep or if it’s just not practical biologically for a man who doesn’t do whatever to survive and be top-dawg to evolve and expect women to want his offspring. A man in history wouldn’t have survived that way let alone reproduced (I’m guessing of course). Yet this guy does. It’s crazy. And I can feel for the religious side of things, as this guy’s family is very religious and I can feel without them saying that they expect me to take care of him now, because I’m a woman and who knows what he’s told them about me and what’s going on between us which is nothing, but I can’t confront it, it’s so strange.

Nevertheless in my case, I remember my mom once giving me a hard time for not being interested in another guy who had a high-pitched voice (and to be fair I don’t think it was just his voice that I didn’t like, he was also presumptuous and annoying which probably made the things I didn’t like about him stand out more but moving on) and she actually told me, you’re bisexual, you’re not supposed to care about gender roles!

I think Alice from The L Word, who is bisexual, said it best in one episode where she’d dated a self-identified lesbian man who was biologically a man, probably trans. Anyway she said “I want a boyfriend who’s a guy or a girlfriend who’s a girl!” And I can relate to that give or take, but I know I’m not completely that way as my former coworker whom I talked about, though a guy, had some gray personality characteristics or whatever. Just some insights I had.
"Men are fooled so easily. Women wrelike spiders. They'll pull you into their webs and...wrap you up so tight you can hardly breathe," Griselda Blanco, Cocaine Godmother
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

Asha999 wrote: Sun Apr 16, 2023 8:40 am Whoa so this was limerence at first sight?
I wouldn't call it limerence at first sight, but to be fair, I wouldn't know what to call it let alone the psychology behind what happened. What was interesting is that we hadn't locked eyes or anything since she was walking toward the building, thus I didn't see her face, it was more about her being her which has never happened to me before nor since. It was a gut reaction. When I sensed things were off the chart for no reason, I asked the receptionist who was interviewing me. The receptionist said there was an elderly gentleman and a lady and that I would get either one depending on who came to collect me first. I prayed it would be the elderly gentleman and ordinarily, since I don't typically like men (in general) I would have wanted to go with the lady. But for whatever reason, I felt sick to my stomach and tried to look for an escape route. Too late, the door opened and I had to follow her to the interview rooms. I did contemplate telling her I needed to go to the bathroom and whether she would mind taking the person after me, but just as I was about to speak in walked the gentleman to collect the next person who the receptionist gestured toward.

If anyone has any ideas as to what happened I'll happily listen. I haven't spent a great deal of time unpacking this weird beginning since most of my time was spent working thru limerence.
How long did it take to feel over it? I have to chuckle here, my timeline is similar to David's. The interview was in 2010, and by end of 2011, I was limerent, which then led to thinking it was about my sexuality which I worked thru for the next 2 years whilst in the thick of being limerent. So in essence the sexuality part (where I dated women) was nothing but a distraction. I think I was fully limerent for 2 yrs? But took another 2 years to unpack. Then another 2 years to iron out the kinks and shift my perspective. Roughly.
I would say overall, 4-5 yrs of being on the limerent scale, after which I switched gears to work on why I fell limerent.

I started with WHAT is limerence?
HOW did I fall limerent?
WHY did I fall limerent?
And what do I do with this information?

I spent about 2 yrs working thru the impact of being raised by an NPD father & Bipolar mother whilst understanding I was/am anxious/avoidant. I reached a point of forgiveness and forged a healthier relationship with my father before he passed away. I'm working on a healthier relationship with my mother. I believe she understands her role in my life and is slowly but surely accepting responsibility. It will be a work in progress for the rest of my life because she is hard work, but it's nice to say we've reached a truce so to speak.

This forum helped tremendously. I never saw a therapist, I think it's fair to say I was scared of them after LO, and other professionals I saw struggling with their own stuff. I tend to attract damaged professionals :D psychotherapists, psychiatrist, mental health workers, social workers, counselors ... In seriousness, we are all a little damaged somehow. The best professionals are the ones who have worked thru their stuff.

As for dating women. The only thing I learned was that I'm monogamous. Can't do the FWB or whatever label people want to use. Nope. Not into women (or men), only into the beautifully suportive partner I want/need in my life.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Asha999
Posts: 55
Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2023 4:52 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

Oh boy L-F now I’m really going to write a novel. And go woo woo here (disclaimer that I actually studied neuroscience a bit in college and am pretty academic, but alas). People have energy, some more than others. My fired life coach was way into this, I believe it all to an extent but not all the way. Quantum whatever, vibrations, sixth sense. Some people and their aura are EXTREMELY powerful… if venture to guess if you’re a psychotherapist like your LO that’s only enhanced because you’re playing with a stacked deck.

My LO is one of these people, I had a previous LO who was one. I’m also one… which is why I feel what I do for both my LOs… I could feel their powers were greater than my own but they were still “real people”. Call it charisma but it’s a bit more… my prior LO… who was a manipulator of this and an MLB pitcher to evidence his mental and control prowess…my best friends phone rang once and from the sound of the ring I knew it was him and they we’re screwing behind my back. I was right. Years later I was at an outdoor concert with 50,000 and I could feel his presence from a hundred yards away even though I hadn’t seen him in years and had no reason to think he’d be there until I saw him. My current LO, she saw me from 50 yards away and said “oh you’re sick” for no reason, she was right even though I wasn’t visibly ill, it was a chest cold and I hadn’t said anything .I feel it when she walks through the door even if I don’t see her, I think she does also. She always comments about the energy of a particular day… in our sport this type of perception and control is important. I once made a comment that I was magnetic because all these bugs were around… she said “you are fore sure magnetic.” We werent talking about the bugs IMO. Current LO is a physical magnet to me and other people, you can just watch her pull everyone in without doing any thing at all. Maybe you felt that pull from your LO? It’s scary as hell to feel it and try to overcome it.

And with both my LOs… we share very similar personal histories and traumas around people knowing us or knowing of us as public figure families…you get very good at reading people from near and far and disarming them instantly with that type of history… we’ve all parlayed that into our careers and made it even more powerful. Your LO might have some of this L-F? You’re likely connected in some very profound way that affects your body’s energy. Or hers is extremely powerful and triggers yours. My first LO… that was unrequited love. I was intoxicated by this persons power. Second (current) one, jury is still out on what it is. I’m again intoxicated by her people power, which in contrast to original LO she doesn’t wield nefariously but benevolently. I think that’s how I am also, but without full control over it outside professional and public speaking circumstances, where I channel it hard to great effect.

Limerence to me is fascinating because it’s completely independent of the veracity of the underlying relationship as far as I can tell? It could be reciprocal or not or nothing at all but the fact pattern of uncertainty along with the limerents biochemistry and history triggers the limerence. It’s a nightmare any way you slice it. And powerful people like your LO and mine (both) probably are serial LOs, in part because they are powerful but in part because their powers might well have their origins as a defense mechanism grown from trauma… traumas that can be sensed by limerents?
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

Asha999 wrote: Mon Apr 17, 2023 12:04 am Oh boy L-F now I’m really going to write a novel. And go woo woo here (disclaimer that I actually studied neuroscience a bit in college and am pretty academic, but alas). People have energy, some more than others. My fired life coach was way into this, I believe it all to an extent but not all the way. Quantum whatever, vibrations, sixth sense. Some people and their aura are EXTREMELY powerful… if venture to guess if you’re a psychotherapist like your LO that’s only enhanced because you’re playing with a stacked deck.
A metaphysical bonding perhaps? A transcendent bonding beyond what is perceptible to the senses? Idk.
I did look into twin flames & soulmates. Interestingly though, many ppl get the two mixed up thinking TF is the good one. It is not! Lol. It's a soul's path that is destined to alter one's life for the better even though one has to walk thru hell. A soulmate is anyone nice to have around (could be family, friends, or lovers). Is LO my TF... Mmmmm... I did walk thru hell to come out the other side better off. A TF is not someone you typically want in your life and isn't someone that hangs around because of the destruction they cause. In short, it's definitely not a lovey-dovey relationship. Whereas a soulmate is.
But... Again, who knows for sure?

I hear you with the 'sensing' an energy before seeing or knowing.
Asha999 wrote: Mon Apr 17, 2023 12:04 am And with both my LOs… we share very similar personal histories and traumas around people knowing us or knowing of us as public figure families…you get very good at reading people from near and far and disarming them instantly with that type of history… we’ve all parlayed that into our careers and made it even more powerful.
David refers to LOs as woundmates where LS & LO share very similar personal histories and/or trauma.

I think I prefer 'woundmate' to TF or soulmate.
Asha999 wrote: Mon Apr 17, 2023 12:04 am And powerful people like your LO and mine (both) probably are serial LOs, in part because they are powerful but in part because their powers might well have their origins as a defense mechanism grown from trauma… traumas that can be sensed by limerents?
LO had her own LO (her tutor), then became one, and like you mentioned, probably with others too. I also became an LO after my LE. It wasn't a nice experience. Maybe karmic? Idk. It helped to close the circle in terms of existential knowledge. Nothing like learning on the job!

If interested, check out Jung's Archetypes.
Just as she was powerful, I was naive and full of wonder (childlike), and yes, my life was going well and I was happy even though ppl have tried to convince me I mustn't have been happy if I fell limerent. I was at my sharpest mentally & physically and was loving the new environment I was in (classroom). Perhaps this childlike state was triggering to her?
Again, who knows.

Isn't it nice we can talk about it here without sounding like we need locking up, lol.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

Oh, and as for...
Asha999 wrote: Mon Apr 17, 2023 12:04 am And with both my LOs… we share very similar personal histories and traumas around people knowing us or knowing of us as public figure families…
It must be hard deciding who likes you for you as opposed to who/what you represent, no? I find the 'celebrity' thing fascinating. I'm not moved by stardom. Famous? Don't care. I don't follow sports (well actually I do I just don't follow individual sportspeople) don't care to know politicians, not phased by what someone has accomplished, all I care about is how someone treats others (like a waitperson) and animals. Call me celebrity blind, color blind too (and yet that's seen as being racist), but I really don't care what perceived power someone holds, it's all about mutual respect in our household. As for color, I'm aware of economic injustice, colonization, etc, and yet, in our house, we are all equal no matter someone's pay packet or career (though completely cognizant of injustice and intergenerational trauma - though I don't psychoanalyse or judge).

LO was able to work her magic in the classroom except it never worked on me. If anything, I was the annoying naive student who just wanted to learn without bowing down to anyone.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 4 guests