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Fired Therapist

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
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Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

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Last edited by Asha999 on Mon May 15, 2023 1:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

O
Last edited by Asha999 on Mon May 15, 2023 1:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
JupiterTaco
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by JupiterTaco »

Zsababy wrote: Sun May 14, 2023 8:53 amFor one, it helps to know you're not alone and there are often "old timers" (lol) that have a wealth of experience & wisdom to draw upon. Not to be ass-kissy, but I'd say L-F, Jupiter Taco & David have a lot of valuable contributions that can be very helpful.
Right back at you, Zsababy. You've also been a wealth of information about things that I myself had less knowledge of and I can't thank you enough for sharing your experiences also. :)
"Men are fooled so easily. Women wrelike spiders. They'll pull you into their webs and...wrap you up so tight you can hardly breathe," Griselda Blanco, Cocaine Godmother
Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

JupiterTaco wrote: Sun May 14, 2023 4:26 am I have a few things to say. First, I found in my experience that when I was able to focus on other things that I was passionate about, I started attracting more attention. But I do believe that even though I spent a lot of time focused on former LOs, there were frequently people just as focused if not more so on me, and I just never acknowledged it, either
Also, real love is different from limerence. Real love is knowing someone, maybe not always liking them but being able to coexist in a healthy way once the lust or whatever wears off and mutual respect and caring.

Jupiter Taco—- I was thinking over all this from 2-5 am. One thing still struggling with her is I do think I genuinely love LO… I do see her flaws and don’t idealize her. I know her to an extent, but not fully given context of the relationship. I want to know everything. But my reaction to the uncertainty or inconsistency she displayed was def limerence for me, a physiological reaction. But in my heart I still believe it’s genuine, my psychology and neurotransmitters and the impossibility of the situation make it unattainable. Many people I tell the situation to question whether it’s Limerence if they don’t know what that is. I have to have a lot of discipline to tell myself over and over that that’s what it is so I can try and move past it. The most challenging aspect is what I would do to move past it…. Dive headlong into my hobby and passion, which is my sport, for the time being pushes me more into contact with LO because she’s my coach and always at my facility. I guess maybe the time is coming to make the jump away from there hard as that will be due to Limermece and everything else. And the relationships I would seek refuge and are all tied to that facility.

I’m also taking to heart your notes on narcissism and toxic relationships. I did a lot of reading last night, trying to figure out who’s the narcissist in the room. Me, my mother, my brother, LO my previous relationships or all of us. My husband is not a narcissist by any stretch. Perhaps I am and most avoidants are. There’s definitely a pattern of my being in relationships of all kinds where I have a presumption of a lack of acceptance that gets reinforced. The hardest part for me at the current moment is I have some very healthy friendships I formed over the last year or so… and if I distance myself from LO I will also distance myself from all of those people. Just can’t quite figure out my way out.
L-F
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

Asha999 wrote: Sun May 14, 2023 5:35 pm and then I post all of it publicly and on Facebook for my “friends” to see. It’s a weird tic because Im apparently avoidant? But I’ve got it all out there for everyone to see at any moment.
I'd say most introverts or avoidants or however one wants to frame it find an avenue to express themselves publicly. I do it on here but in real life? I'm as quiet as a mouse. Even my voice is soft and I find it physically difficult to raise it over people who are loud and as for shouting? useless. Could not save anyone from danger if my or their life depended upon it when it comes to warning them without it sounding like a quiet casual convo. That's why I'm grateful for this forum, which allows me to be vulnerable and raw. Allows me to see aspects of myself that I'd not share anywhere else. I've seen my ugly side on here (narcissistic traits for those who prefer the terminology). it has also helped me grow compassion and empathy in the process. I'm a stick in the mud and extremely opinionated and don't hold back from holding up a mirror for others to see themselves but also have to remind myself of my own mirror in the process. I'm not perfect and I'm okay with that. As for the therapy, I'm a firm believer it can save lives. One can also become addicted to it. When you reach your saturation point, well, as Zsababy has mentioned, you are intelligent so... Self-help stuff has its place, then came a time, for me, when I realized I'm okay in my f'dupness.

I'm pretty sure LO saw me as this sweet and innocent thing. In reality, who cares how she saw me or how she views me now?

Be as whacky as your mind will let you (when it comes to poetry). Creative people do walk a fine line and that's perfectly okay and probably expected.
Zsababy wrote: Sun May 14, 2023 8:53 am Not to be ass-kissy, but I'd say L-F, Jupiter Taco & David have a lot of valuable contributions that can be very helpful.
You forgot to include yourself Zsababy! There are many awesome peeps on here, I learned a great deal from David, JohnDeux, LisaT, Spin, JT, and others. David & JohnDeux we're especially patient with me.

Keep doing your thing Asha, you are on the right path. As for thinking it could be real love? Who knows. It could be. That's something for you to discover in time when you learn to separate limerence from the equation.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

Oh buggar, i came back to read your poetry Asha but it has been deleted. Was looking forward to it.
Being creative is an awesome outlet. I've written poems about LO but have posted them elsewhere, so won't post them here.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

L-F wrote: Mon May 15, 2023 7:28 am Oh buggar, i came back to read your poetry Asha but it has been deleted. Was looking forward to it.
Being creative is an awesome outlet. I've written poems about LO but have posted them elsewhere, so won't post them here.
Haha well when the topic of narcissism came up I was like, hmm maybe I’m overextending my rather prolific writing on this audience. I think people always wonder that about writers, if it’s just attention seeking. Connection yes but also letting things go. I try not to question it. Until I do.

Speaking of letting go OMG Limerence. I’ve been on the path of progress generally… my headspace is about back to where it was six months ago feeling very confident and happy and at ease. Despite still sitting in a mess of a personal life…just feeling faith things will come round right. And either my limerent brain is playing tricks on me (entirely possible) or LO totally sees it. I was late to practice today and she comes in…” so glad I got to work with you for at least a little bit”, I saw her later when I had changed into normal clothes for an event (it’s unusual to see eachother IRL attire) and she rolls up behind me and stands right next to me to comment how nice I look in real life. The words weren’t it, it was the body language, It’s how you would come up beside a partner or a best friend, closer than normal and in parallel, she’s talking to me right beside me (rather than facing if you were talking normally and we’re looking the same direction at nothing really, sharing a perspective). I have that feeling like it’s two magnets again… kinda dancing around everyone else and fighting the pull except for brief little moments where we are unnaturally physically close. She does this thing where there’s a net curtain and will talk to me from the other side of it and grab the curtain with her hands … to me it’s very literal that there’s this very thin barrier there. If I were talking to someone in that way it would be because I’m reaching for them even though there’s a barrier, that’s s flirty gesture IMO. I don’t know it’s subtle but weird and very real to me. And enough to make a person who’s attracted nuts. I need to see if she does that with other people. She’s def the center of the universe generally so probably nothing special for me.

Summer causes a big break in routine. Last summer I was thankful to get away and focus on other things but feelings for LO came back 10 fold the second I came back. I truly feel like I’ve fought my way back to a solid mental space and that pulls her back in. Which is of course fully my intention. But its playing with fire here. I mean yeah I want to feel good for the sake of feeling good, but I’m not going to present I don’t enjoy it’s an added bonus.

I hope my therapy session this week has some answers on how I can work on moving on. Because doing better is sucking me back in.
L-F
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

Can you consciously enjoy the dance? x_x
I'm living vicariously here, so probably shouldn't suggest it. You know, there was a time, in the end, I did enjoy the dance though it didn't last due to her moving on from her job. you are right, it's like playing with fire, but at least you are more cognizant of it.

I wonder what energy/vibe you are bringing to the situation. Can you look at that? Call it supernatural, idk, but it's kinda out there (the gate that is), it's not your normal convo regarding limerence. Another out-the-gate topic is pheromones.

As for being narcissistic, then every songwriter, musician, painter, trumpet player, jazz band, you get the idea, is a narcissist. Creative people are not narcissists! They are people who have a gift and kindly share that gift to uplift, inspire, or invigorate others. So don't stop doing your thing out of fear it's about needing validation, which by the way, isn't the worst thing in the world given we are social creatures. Gesh, all this negativity society puts out there does my head in ~x( lol

We are perfectly okay in our fdness (aka normalcy) UNLESS it interferes with our everyday tasks. And while I'm on a roll, for anyone reading, there is nothing wrong with feeling accomplished. If it upsets anyone else, well that's their insecurity.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

L-F wrote: Wed May 17, 2023 9:21 pm Can you consciously enjoy the dance? x_x
I'm living vicariously here, so probably shouldn't suggest it. You know, there was a time, in the end, I did enjoy the dance though it didn't last due to her moving on from her job. you are right, it's like playing with fire, but at least you are more cognizant of it.

I wonder what energy/vibe you are bringing to the situation. Can you look at that? Call it supernatural, idk, but it's kinda out there (the gate that is), it's not your normal convo regarding limerence. Another out-the-gate topic is pheromones.
Oh the dance!!! so before I went Limerent I told the fired coach therapist that LO had this escalating flirtation dance. To me it’s clearly felt like an escalating sexual tension, and we were flirting suddenly in plain sight of everybody around us and of course, it’s an extremely inappropriate relationship. I said it was going to go one of two ways. It would just continue on forever or it would reach the point where we couldn’t take it anymore and… well, wouldn’t we all like to be around to find out what if in that one. I was content with either of those trajectories and happy to see how it played out, and that’s what I said… I wanted to just to slow play this and see. As a more intelligent friend later commented, “crack the door, and just see what happens.” Well shitty fired coach Therapist immediately was on the train that I had to tell LO I loved her and there was no other way for me to be truthful, experience love, etc etc . I was even saying hey I’m not sure what this is I feel like I love her but it’s freaking intense, so how do I know what it even is? And I have a lot of doubts because I had an unrequited love situation go LE and that was a disaster. I also had my former friend pushing me on this. Well, anyway, I took her advice obviously, and tried to force this confession/discussion and in the uncertainty of trying to get the schedule nailed down Limerence hijacked this otherwise sexy suspenseful narrative. And maybe that’s the price I pay for not listening to my truth on this and following it and enjoying the dance. Hefty price.

I feel like LO can read me like a book. I can’t fake what energy I bring, she would know it. For the few weeks before LE crystallized there was this crazy fun flirty sexual tension. But then I went off the rails. And as shitty coach, therapist correctly observed whatever energy I was putting out had to be chaotic. I wrangled chaos under control into steady sometime after discovering Limerence. In the last week, I’ve gotten it back to genuinely good. And if LO does like me what she likes is that we are peers in terms of confidence and energy. I did experiment with listening to my favorite sexy sounding song before showing up to practice months ago, might try that again. Another friend told me another true statement, it’s probably good LO is female because if this was a guy we would have just slept together months ago and I’d be hashing through the ruins now. I debate if limerence was the wake-up call to save me from having had a affair. Same friend who made observation re “if it had been a guy” also said… she’s a coach and therefore a rules follower and leader. She’s not touching this until you are “available.” The ball is in my court, which is unfortunate considering petrified of rejection and apparently develop obsessive behaviors and paralyzing anxiety if my LO reschedules on me. If this were to happen it would be an f’ing miracle With angels singing and doves crying (at the wedding with flower crowns and beach volleyball I’ve run through my head 5000 times).

I don’t know maybe I’m in good enough of a place where I can manage playing with fire. It was rather annoying last night to be replaying a two minute conversation about my dog and some random person repeatedly in my mind because LO had it was standing right next to me. All. Night. Long. Replaying this convo.

What do you mean by “gate” I’m curious because I don’t totally understand. But yeah if I get my stuff (pheromones/energy/etc right) it pulls her in usually. It also pulled in a teammate who was totally hitting on me the last time I had it fully harnessed. Gotta dial in the targets ;)

Our whole relationship is in the context of playing a physical and mental game, so yeah game on. She’s the professional here so at my own risk.
Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

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Ok while on LO… can we talk dance steps here a minute. LO tells me the sliver of visible green showing on my sports bra is the best color on me, I tell LO I spent the hours of 2-4 am when I’m ruminating looking up lime green tops since apparently it’s my best color, LO tells me she can’t stand being a “unicorn” any more at family dinners where her x brings his new girlfriend, I tell her to make sure she watches the fine line between unicorn and martyr and she smiles sideways brushing her hair away…. A couple big ones get me. A month ago we were 1:1 training and she has to take a call from her mortgage broker. I go to leave and she motions it’s ok… and proceeds to review her entire financial portfolio, income etc with me right there. Like I wouldn’t do that with my bestest? And… I’ve talked with her about leaving to train elsewhere if I get divorced. No reaction whatsoever… like that’s weird, we would go from seeing eachother every day for 3 years to almost never. If I was in a similar situation with her I wouldn’t say something because I wouldn’t know what to say that wouldn’t betray my feelings? Or is it like our relationship transcends the present and normal boundaries? Like a normal friend would just say oh man I’d be sorry to see you go but it’ll work out for you? Never mind I cried for six hours at the prospect of joining another team and grief about leaving. It’s not like she doesn’t always have some sort of right thing to say, she’s a coach for crying out loud. We also had some absolutely weird text exchange where when I was talking about leaving it went on a tangent about being needing to take risks and being scared of collateral damage. I can’t figure out what dance I’m doing here and how many of the steps I’m reading backwards. I try to stop reading into it but it’s a weird mix and of the big things and banal on the daily and I’m very much always reading people and pretty good at it, it’s my job actually.

Shitty fired coach therapist told me this is all exactly what a closeted bisexual courting dance looks like, but yeah she’s been known to lead me astray.
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