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Fired Therapist

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
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JupiterTaco
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by JupiterTaco »

Yeah I wouldn't listen to anything she says she sounds off her rocker at the very least... also as an out bisexual I can speak for the group and say we don't claim her.
"Men are fooled so easily. Women wrelike spiders. They'll pull you into their webs and...wrap you up so tight you can hardly breathe," Griselda Blanco, Cocaine Godmother
Zsababy
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Zsababy »

I too would say don't listen to your whackjob life coach.
But I won't even pretend to know how to interpret signs in a bisexual courtship. Although, since she didn't have much of a reaction to your news of going away, is it possible that she's just a flirty person having fun? OTOH, maybe she's disappointed by that & doesn't want you to know or doesn't know what to say that won't sound needy or dramatic.

Any news on the life coach? Are they pursuing legal action or some such BS or did they just fade away?
Zsababy
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Zsababy »

BTW, it's ok to post poetry. I'm pretty sure almost every limerant has written poetry to their LO. It's a time-tested outlet. I've written some to my LO. Thank god I have no means to send it to him!!!!!
Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

Yeah whack job life coach was telling me what I wanted to hear. But also that if I just believed I could manifest etc. I have heard NOTHING from her mercifully. Who knows what is going to happen, it’s taken a lot to let go of the terror there. I have had a couple therapy sessions with both my own counselor and now our marriage counselor who confirmed based on the basic details how hugely unethical and retraumatizing it was considering trust and vulnerability were the issues being worked on and she went right where she knew others have… weaponizing what I did share vulnerably. Hubs has done the same in recent weeks.

And… I do think There’s something with LO however.

As if on cue last night she responded to a message I had sent a few days ago about a new skill and a quip I made about it being a lifeskill. Sports=life was her response and I told her I’m actually writing a collection of essays on exactly that.

“I cannot wait to read it. You make me smile” is her response.

I mean?! She knows how to nail ambiguous statements you can read into.

So much for a disciplined recovery.

The biggest issue here is this is really fun. And terrible for my athletic performance because I’m distracted. But happy.
L-F
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

Asha, can I ask what you said to LO when you disclosed, how she responded, and what happened during the awkward phase.

I'm getting a gist that she could ... Hmm... I'm not wanting to encourage you, but

it sounds a lot like my situation (always has), and...

If I'm brutally honest given what I know now, she was limerent too but had better breaks (not necessarily boundaries because she did cross them), but stopped short of taking things further given her position. Meaning, she was happy to flirt but not go beyond that.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

L-F wrote: Thu May 18, 2023 8:58 pm Asha, can I ask what you said to LO when you disclosed, how she responded, and what happened during the awkward phase.
Well I am so glad you asked because I kinda skipped over all that in the drama....I met LO in 2021 when I was new to training. She was really hard on me at first. Then I started to notice she used me as an example...like every single time. It was uncomfortable. I lost a big event and she spent 45 minutes telling me how I was better than that and would learn from this and had so much potential (I was one of 10 on the team, the only such one to get this treatment and i thought it was really really ?! at the time). Fast forward about 8 months when I lost another big event and she gave me a huge hug and I felt the world fall away from my feet. Like truly.

In my either correct or magical thinking brain, I think I was late to the limerent party. She had something in 2021, and I came around months after the fact in 2022 and realized it. At first i was thinking i must have been the most annoyingly blind object of affection ever.

A month after I realized my feelings we were at a party standing inches from eachothers faces in front of everyone after a couple drinks and she had her hand on the top of my jeans. We were both wasted. We RARELY see eachother outside of training but she is social with many other people i know from my sport...I am new to this place, most others are not. There was a bunch of other stuff this fall when things were fun and flirty before I went limerent.

I went through all the dance steps/signs and admit my feelings to fired life coach who tells me right away I have to tell LO. I end up sending a text to LO about wanting to talk to her about what happens if I can no longer train there if I lose access in a divorce (not un-coincidentally revealing that piece of info, she would have no reason to not know I am happy as a clam in my marriage). She over text is super compassionate and eager to talk me through this, it is also a remarkably similar situation to her own history, something I did not know at the time. It goes almost 4 weeks before we can schedule and she is in and out of town, busy etc. I actually think that is all true, but also that she was initially in for this convo and then started having misgivings and dodging it? Meanwhile I start freaking the freak out. I have this total dissociation episode in practice due to a PTSD thing of people shaming me. I send LO a bunch of probably crazy shit over text message trying to explain that I am working though a lot of stuff..vulnerability, scared of what will happen with my entire life, etc. My energy is ALL OVER THE PLACE. Fired therapist is beating on me that I have to tell her and I was breaking down into an anxious mess. Meeting finally happens in her shared office at our facility and it is basically a life story interrogation by her. She controlled 100% of that conversation, it was truly an interrogation. I tell her ALL my shit, minus the limerence. She is empathetic. I say nothing of my feelings for her specifically and she reveals very little, other than a bit of her how her own divorce went down. Sometime after I tell her that the reason I am struggling so much is if I have to leave to train I will miss the coach that i love, the friends I love, the happiness I have found and always wanted. This is all in there in some messages, but not point blank, IMO enough for her to know. She doesn't answer any of it directly but has appropriately empathetic responses from someone who has processed all their own stuff.

Fast forward to second attempt at convo, in March (in the interim over holidays I am anxiety riddled and totally suck at sports performance). I had sent her another message about needing a replacement for the team...at this point I self diagnosed limerence and was trying to leave to get my act together, she could help me make an exit that didn't hurt my team. She answered days after the fact on Superbowl sunday...perhaps with lowered inhibitions. It was one of these ambiguous could be couldn't be convos about being brave, collateral damage etc. and understanding the weight of responsibility deeply. Also at that time from a distance away she tells me as if telling a secret (in front of other people) that she went to Pride that weekend. World falls from my feet the second time, like an atomic bomb went off in the space. Like why the secret? Where we live this is NBD. We start to try to have another convo and she flakes one night...and I spend 3 hours in my car sobbing trying to let go of all of it. During this time I suspect she has also noticed I don't perform as well on her watch and am very tense or erratic around her sports performance wise.

Follow up convo happens days later. This was two days before I fired life coach. It was weirdly awkward trying to pick a place to meet, she tells me "make it happen"...perhaps because if people see us together outside of training? But that isn't weird, shes social friends with tons of my teammates and people know we are friendly. I tell her where things stand with me working through more stuff and putting a timeline on getting out of my marriage but do not feel an opening to disclose directly. I sent her a follow up text saying that I think i will likely not end up with a man when this is all said and done and working through that too. No response. Fired life coach freaks out on me for being a liar, unwilling to take any risk, i will never be happy, etc etc. Life coach drama unfolds. LO mostly quiet until I ramp up before my national event and we spend a lot of 1:1 time training. She comments on how she enjoyed the time with me, but the tone was different...not pity, but distant. Then I had the big win and a lot about how proud she is and excited about my next chapter and I deserve so much happiness etc etc.

I spent the past 2 months getting myself back to good and arrive there last week and it would appear we are back to game on with banter with LO. Today she tells me how she was laughing at me while falling asleep over the text yesterday. I left asking if I can ask to keep a training timeslot through summer and fall and she looks at me dead in the eye and is like..done, lets do it. usually there is some sort of schedule check. Things are back to where they were before I fell off the tracks with LE, I feel it and I think she senses it.

My wishful brain thinks she is fighting this because it is so damn messy, but LO is sucked in by the connection too--WHEN IT IS POSITIVE. She also is just getting herself right after her own divorce about 2 years ago, apparently right around when we met was the middle of it...she is a completely different happier person now. And perhaps waiting to see if I mean what I say about getting out of my marriage and cleaning up at least that piece. But it is still far from clean after that because of how we met and her lifelong connection there. If this is messy for me it is a dumpster fire for her.

In that second attempt at a convo I had some intentions of disclosure so I could just deal with things one way or the other. But it didn't feel right, she was more distant in the in person context. It would have felt like self immolation. I have said it all over text indirectly and she is smart enough to know.

And so?
Last edited by Asha999 on Thu May 18, 2023 10:37 pm, edited 3 times in total.
L-F
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

L-F wrote: Thu May 18, 2023 8:58 pm Meaning, she was happy to flirt but not go beyond that.
Much like a lot of limerents on here do. Many struggle mentally but don't act on their desires other than flirt.

Not saying your LO is limerent, though happy to point out that our stories are similar.
There's more to the story but I've not shared it as it's long-winded and as of now, pointless to rehash. In short, there were things shared with a mutual friend that I ignored when limerent because, at the time, I hadn't discovered what limerence was. Plus there were things said in class. Just a complete mind f really. Thank goodness that's all behind me. But, just be warned that your LO could be f'ing with you because it feels good (not because she's a narcissist) *rolls fucking eyeballs at societies finger-pointing narrative*
Your LO may enjoy the exact same energy you enjoy, and what's wrong with that? Nothing. The only thing wrong is the obsessive component that limerents struggle with, so...

If you can reign it in (obsessive thoughts) and remain in the relationship as is and enjoy it, then well, enjoy!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

L-F wrote: Thu May 18, 2023 10:01 pm
L-F wrote: Thu May 18, 2023 8:58 pm Meaning, she was happy to flirt but not go beyond that.
Much like a lot of limerents on here do. Many struggle mentally but don't act on their desires other than flirt.

Not saying your LO is limerent, though happy to point out that our stories are similar.
There's more to the story but I've not shared it as it's long-winded and as of now, pointless to rehash. In short, there were things shared with a mutual friend that I ignored when limerent because, at the time, I hadn't discovered what limerence was. Plus there were things said in class. Just a complete mind f really. Thank goodness that's all behind me. But, just be warned that your LO could be f'ing with you because it feels good (not because she's a narcissist) *rolls fucking eyeballs at societies finger-pointing narrative*
Your LO may enjoy the exact same energy you enjoy, and what's wrong with that? Nothing. The only thing wrong is the obsessive component that limerents struggle with, so...

If you can reign it in (obsessive thoughts) and remain in the relationship as is and enjoy it, then well, enjoy!

LF this is what is so interesting to me about limerence. Like everything was fine...It would have been fine. I was having fun with it. But then that attempt at disclosing feelings and her going awol on communication...that is my very specific personal trigger. I had every single person in my life disappear on me all at once with no returned calls, etc. It was a legit PTSD unavoidable response that had nothing to do with LO, it was the circumstances. I know that now and perhaps why I rebooted really quickly...like i could feel the flood of neurotransmitters and thought i was crazy. I would not have done that if not under so much pressure...like this story had its own arc and its trajectory was sent off the rails by someone (fired therapist) transferring their own desires for me and their own experience on to me and pressuring me beyond all reason.

LO and I make eachother laugh and feel good. We are competitive and like to push the boundaries. Its fun. But risky perhaps for similar or different reasons for each of us. My obsession now is high school crush like. Annoying but not damaging. That is not what it was in the fall before I understood limerence, then it was a deep hole of aching need that was blown open.
L-F
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

So many times I wanted to quote your last post and say "Ditto"

LO dropped many subtle (or not so subtle hints, while I was completely unaware that one could be bi let alone fluid in their sexuality) that hinted at her sexuality and liking my energy/position that I was completely unaware of. The mutual friend was bisexual and open about it in class, but being naive I never questioned it because she might as well have spoken in Chinese.
Long story short, I requested a meeting to discuss my dilemma but LO kept skirting around pinning down a time and place. at the time I was struggling to focus and felt that I was better off changing where I studied yet I never blamed LO. I just wanted to fix my situation without taking into account her part of the dance. Perhaps she felt guilty? I will never know.
LO had experienced the same with her tutor, again, this info went over my head due to not being able to focus other than wanting to get to the bottom of what I was experiencing and how to fix it.

In hindsight, I should have just enjoyed whatever it was we were vibing.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

L-F wrote: Thu May 18, 2023 10:27 pm So many times I wanted to quote your last post and say "Ditto"

LO dropped many subtle (or not so subtle hints, while I was completely unaware that one could be bi let alone fluid in their sexuality) that hinted at her sexuality and liking my energy/position that I was completely unaware of. The mutual friend was bisexual and open about it in class, but being naive I never questioned it because she might as well have spoken in Chinese.
Long story short, I requested a meeting to discuss my dilemma but LO kept skirting around pinning down a time and place. at the time I was struggling to focus and felt that I was better off changing where I studied yet I never blamed LO. I just wanted to fix my situation without taking into account her part of the dance. Perhaps she felt guilty? I will never know.
LO had experienced the same with her tutor, again, this info went over my head due to not being able to focus other than wanting to get to the bottom of what I was experiencing and how to fix it.

In hindsight, I should have just enjoyed whatever it was we were vibing.
OMG it is truly the same then. Ok so what prevented you from just enjoying it. Like could you have? And what would have that required? Would awareness of limerence been enough to stifle it and enjoy the ride? Obvs that would be a different answer for different people.

The common thread is so interesting. It was the common thread with fired therapist that led things astray...she had her wife (who loved her for 10 years before disclosing) confess to her so they could start their relationship. But that was their story, not mine. I do sincerely think going against my gut, like i was fighting and dragging on telling her because I think I knew it would blow stuff up, caused this situation. Along with the somewhat manipulative disclosure of where I was at in my marriage...Like i needed a segway to this convo and that was what i decided to be it. It wasn't untrue but linking her and our discussion of whatever is between us should not intersect with what came before. It should have stood alone and been given time, it felt premature at the time to address it head on and it was.

Your experience with LO sounds perhaps even more powerful than my own. I think these experiences need to stand alone and responded in a way that is authentic and grounded coming from the limerent. Maybe I get another chance? Circumstances here still a nightmare but I am over my grief that if this had to happen it happened in such an unattainable way. it is what it is. And as I listen to Bebe Rexa sign on the daily, if it's meant to be it will be. A lot of the time i feel a comfort in her presence like something long term is meant to be, I dont know what though because I am so emotionally neglected on so many levels its hard to know.
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