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Cautiously optimistic

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HenrySilver
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2022 2:30 pm
United States of America

Cautiously optimistic

Post by HenrySilver »

Hello all,

It’s been about 2 years since the post-glimmer phase of my LE started. After two years of panic attacks, depression, anxiety, and many therapy bills later, I’ve felt the first sense of relief from limerence during the last couple of weeks.

Minimal contact was extremely difficult because it was such a sudden change from the daily contact my LO and I used to have. But as time went out, minimal contact began to feel like the norm and re-establishing daily contact began to feel uncomfortable and awkward.

We are still “friends,” however superficial our friendship is now given that I’m constantly hiding my true feelings. But interactions have been exponentially less stressful during the last few weeks.

The biggest change was the realization of how much my limerence was affecting my family, particularly my wife. She doesn’t know about the limerence, but knows that I’ve been going through “something.” I’ve realized that I haven’t been emotionally present for my wife since limerence caught hold of me. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own shit that I didn’t realize how difficult it’s been for her. She’s been supportive and strong, but deep down she’s been hurting and lonely.

I started telling myself to live with purpose. I’ve been going to the gym 5 times a week, starting to pick up neglected hobbies, and most importantly, being emotionally present for my wife. It hit me that I’m wasting some of my prime years obsessing over a person who will be long forgotten when I’m old and wrinkly. I don’t want to look back and regret missing the opportunity to make the best of my time with my wife and kids.

This mindset has made a huge difference for me. Of course, I recognize that I’m not completely rid of limerence by any means. It’s going to take work. There will be set backs. But I’m cautiously optimistic.

I don’t post much but I read the threads regularly. Knowing I’m not alone in this experience has been tremendously helpful.
Male, married
LO, married coworker/close friend
HelpWithGOLO
Posts: 94
Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2023 10:06 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Cautiously optimistic

Post by HelpWithGOLO »

The biggest change was the realization of how much my limerence was affecting my family, particularly my wife. She doesn’t know about the limerence, but knows that I’ve been going through “something.” I’ve realized that I haven’t been emotionally present for my wife since limerence caught hold of me. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own shit that I didn’t realize how difficult it’s been for her. She’s been supportive and strong, but deep down she’s been hurting and lonely.
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I'm two months into NC. This is exactly like how I'm feeling right now. Have you been able to open up to her about what's going on? I've been trying to hide my depression but it's getting harder. I find myself crying at times. I always find some excuse if she asks what's wrong. I want to tell her the truth but I'm terrified of how she'll react. My point is, I'm struggling, too. This site has been so helpful. It's so comforting to know there are others out there who can sympathize.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Cautiously optimistic

Post by Zsababy »

Glad to hear you're making progress, Henry. I can relate to the point about needing to make the most out of the relationship you have as opposed to squandering that energy on someone who is unavailable or uninterested. I think we do get lost & get foolishly selfish over what often amounts to nothing in the end.
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