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Has anyone gotten out after moving in with their LO

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MessedUpInFlorida
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Has anyone gotten out after moving in with their LO

Post by MessedUpInFlorida »

Let me introduce myself and my story where I'm seeking help from anyone who's done something similar to me and made it to the other side with no contact. I met my LO in early 2022. I have been married for 37 years and my wife is honestly pretty darn incredible. I however met my LO and convinced myself that my wife had it in for me and was always nagging me. My LO was perfect in my eyes. If my wife tried to talk, I shut her down as being condescending and nagging. If friends or family told me I wasn't seeing things clearly with my wife, I was right and they were ALL wrong.
I kept the LO at arms length from my spouse but this LO quickly turned into an affair. I got caught and was asked to move out last August. My adult age kids stopped communication with me as they were disappointed in my deception and lying. My LO moved out of the state I reside in right after I moved out, but we stayed in daily contact. I finally decided to end it in October and that lasted all of about 4 weeks. My wife had asked me to come back into our home in Mid-November. I got back in touch with my LO in late November and then in early January I decided I knew she was the one I wanted to be with, so I walked away from my marriage, connected in person with my LO and was dumb enough to move into a rental home about an hour from my wife and kids.
I REGRET this decision. As I've come to know my LO after living with her there are WAY too many signs this was limerence. I will point out it's my wife that got me in contact with the term limerence and this site. She has told me she just wants me to get help and get out of the insane situation I've put myself in.
I also want out, but as I mentioned, my LO is on my lease, I believe she may be bipolar and has a definite drinking issue. I hate my current life and all I want is out of this LO situation. I know that my wife (we've remained married) still wants to get to the point where we can be friends and maybe one day reconcile. My wife emails or exchanges text messages with me almost daily.
I'm highly disappointed in the man I've become and have done something I never thought I'd do and that's leave my wife for someone else, lie, alienate my family and friends, all because of an infatuation.
Has anyone ever moved in with their LO and found a way out. I'm begging for help and guidance if anyone has any they are willing to share.
Thanks
MessedUpInFlorida
David
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Re: Has anyone gotten out after moving in with their LO

Post by David »

hi MUIF

Im not sure of your legal situation with regards to your rental property. At least you didn't buy her a house which some of my wealthier clients have done in the fog of limerence. A rental lease can just be walked away from although it may cost you some money depending on the lease length.

Parting from LO will come down to you being able to hold down tight boundaries with her. Blocking all forms of contact is what we advocate.

The harder work will then be to reconcile with your wife and children and for you to work on why you developed limerence in the first place.

Im sure others will chip in here. Whilst others may not share your exact expereince, we will empathise with the crazy mistakes we make under the spell of limerence.

I’ve also duplicated your post on the free to access form as others might see it there
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
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Re: Has anyone gotten out after moving in with their LO

Post by L-F »

No sorry, I haven't but glad your wife put you in touch with the term and site. Can I ask how she discovered limerence?
Have you delved into the stickies (pinned threads) that are invaluable and loaded with info, as well as David's blog posts and tiktok channel?
You won't necessarily find the specific answer you're looking for but the info (threads) will help with limerence literacy. Limerence literacy (something I made up) is the education and understanding of various aspects and the more you know, the more tools you have at your disposal, the better prepared you will be for life now and after limerence. The absence of such skills is referred to as being limerence illiterate (again I made that up), but it helps to paint an overall picture.

When I said you won't find the answer you are looking for, I believe it's because most (not all) limerents tend to block answers (too triggering or confusing)... until such time that it 'makes sense'. I believe there is this 'gap' between reading info and making sense of how that info is applicable or applied in real life. If you are confused right now, don't stress. It takes time to get to the core issues of why you became limerent and how you can move forward positively. But know that you WILL move forward. Getting down from my soapbox... In short, read as much as you can, reply to threads, and post questions.

You certainly are not the first or last limerent to F things up. which is my way of saying "you're not alone!"
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Pattihopeful
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Re: Has anyone gotten out after moving in with their LO

Post by Pattihopeful »

Yes, there is a man, Joe Beam, that has a website called the Marriage Helper. His story sounds a lot like yours and he is back with his wife. He has some good videos and there’s lots of good things on there here. There is good information for free. I think his story will give you hope as well as all the help and resources here.
MessedUpInFlorida
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Re: Has anyone gotten out after moving in with their LO

Post by MessedUpInFlorida »

Thank you very much for the information. I'll check out Joe Beam and the site you suggest - Marriage Helper.

I very much want to learn as much as possible and find my way out of this nightmare. I'm going through David's videos to attempt to gain knowledge. I am fortunate that my wife is the one that researched the term limerence as she has told me the person I have been for the past 15 months is definitely not the man she's known for nearly 40 years and there has to be a reason for my "going off the rails". As much of a horrible partner as I've been, she still actually believes in me. I'm not saying she's forgiving me for what I've done, but she wants me to find myself again.

I woke up one morning recently and realized (and believed) I was right in the middle of a limerent relationship. From that day forward I've made the mental commitment that I have to fix this and I'm hopeful education and hearing from others (like you and L-F) will give me the tools I need to get to the other side.
L-F
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Re: Has anyone gotten out after moving in with their LO

Post by L-F »

Also, you might want to consider your wife coming here for support. Regardless of whether you two are together, both will need to do what is termed 'heavy lifting' or 'the work' depending on who you talk to. Two people (if young) come together in an emotionally immature way and either grow together or grow apart. But both come with their own baggage (hence the 'heavy lifting' saying, one must carry their own baggage and work through what they brought to the union).

Your wife may end up with a better version of you if she decides to stick around, and vice versa. That's not to say your wife is at fault for your actions, however, over time and if you both decide to do the work (reflective practice for example), you'll come to see how and why things played out in the relationship, from both sides.

All the best!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
MessedUpInFlorida
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Re: Has anyone gotten out after moving in with their LO

Post by MessedUpInFlorida »

Thank you L-F for the additional guidance. The Joe Beam website Marriage Helper I went to yesterday shows a 3 day course for helping marriages in distress. I know that's step 9,234 and I'm on step 1 of getting rid of my LO, but I have to have an end in mind to this nightmare and that would be having the ability to reconcile with my wife.
I'll suggest to her to join this forum as well. She found the term limerence from someone on Tik Tok @rece_affair_recovery and that's what got me started with listening and researching.
I know my path won't be easy, but removing my LO from the rental home we are in will be a challenge as I believe she is unstable so I am trying to get her to understand I am not the man she thought I would be and I'm not the person she should be with. Ultimately I know I'm being a coward and just need to be direct and say it's time for us to move on, but I can't gather the courage. If I break the lease on the property (I pay all the bills), I'm right back in the situation with nowhere to live. Ideally if she were to leave I could stay and work on the next step of reconciliation.
I started going back to church again about 6 weeks ago and that's the highlight of my week. The other highlights are getting a text or an email from my wife, also puts an instant smile on my face.
L-F
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Re: Has anyone gotten out after moving in with their LO

Post by L-F »

I don't know how many rooms you have in your apartment but could you get in a flatmate to help pay your share? Someone you know she'd find attractive so she can transfer her limerence on to?

Another option, if LO isn't into church, you could talk non-stop about religion and God? That would drive me nuts and I'd scarper.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
MessedUpInFlorida
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Re: Has anyone gotten out after moving in with their LO

Post by MessedUpInFlorida »

Appreciate the guidance. Getting someone to come in and take over my portion of the lease would be ideal and it's certainly something to consider. We are new to the area and don't know many people, so that could present a challenge. Nonetheless, it's an option for me to think about. She's recently started a new job as a server in a busy restaurant. Maybe she'll meet someone there (If I'm lucky).
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