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Can This Take Years to Get Over?

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
Pattihopeful
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Re: Can This Take Years to Get Over?

Post by Pattihopeful »

Thanks, LF, this is very thought provoking. Everything in writing was very professional but spoken was different. Rest edited for privacy
Last edited by Pattihopeful on Sun Apr 02, 2023 10:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
L-F
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Re: Can This Take Years to Get Over?

Post by L-F »

Haha I came back to delete my long winded 3am (?) ramble which is when I typically have zero filters.

I also came back to say im intrigued by this thread, the fact you don't want him to do to others what was done to you, and yet, your fear of no longer seeing him (children not at school). A love-hate relationship.

What I was wondering, is it possible to compare your notes with the woman who reported him? It would be interesting to see how many women on the side share similar notes.

And yes, your T is right, only he will know if he did anything consciously or not. Thats why it's not 'reportable', though very much felt by the limerent. Even emotional rape leaves very little evidence.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Pattihopeful
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Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
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Re: Can This Take Years to Get Over?

Post by Pattihopeful »

I thought about that too LF but it feels to risky and there’s no way to prove what’s not in writing. My T thinks better not to and to try to limit contact as much as possible. I had been doing well with that so need to focus on that. Sometimes easier said than done.

She feels I was doing great until he reached out to me after 3 months of NC. But like we discussed I didn’t have to answer.
Zsababy
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Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
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Re: Can This Take Years to Get Over?

Post by Zsababy »

No you don't have to reach out to this person. You owe him nothing & he probably has a need for relationships where he has the upper hand for whatever reason. It's possible to ride out the conflicting feelings but not to act on them. Be forgiving with yourself if you find yourself emotionally backsliding; but you can still protect yourself from whatever agenda he has.
Good luck! You can do it & things will fade over time.
Pattihopeful
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Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
Gender:
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Re: Can This Take Years to Get Over?

Post by Pattihopeful »

Thanks Zsa Zsa Baby for the encouragement. I like that it’s possible to ride out the conflicting feelings but not act out on them. I also don’t owe him anything. In reality I owe it to my SO to stay away from this guy. Thanks again.
L-F
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Re: Can This Take Years to Get Over?

Post by L-F »

L-F wrote: Sun Apr 02, 2023 7:36 am What I was wondering, is it possible to compare your notes with the woman who reported him? It would be interesting to see how many women on the side share similar notes.

And yes, your T is right, only he will know if he did anything consciously or not. Thats why it's not 'reportable', though very much felt by the limerent.
Pattihopeful wrote: Mon Apr 03, 2023 1:14 am I thought about that too LF but it feels to risky and there’s no way to prove what’s not in writing. My T thinks better not to and to try to limit contact as much as possible. I had been doing well with that so need to focus on that. Sometimes easier said than done.

She feels I was doing great until he reached out to me after 3 months of NC. But like we discussed I didn’t have to answer.
I can delete the above if you like... Carrying on from my post and yours

I didn't mean to imply contacting him, I meant whether it was worth comparing notes and finding someone who has shared your experiences with him so that you learn you are not alone. Which I'm sure you are not (the same as when women ban together after finding out they have been catfished or the like).

Just a thought. As for going NC, we both know it makes a lot of sense. Sorry to hear you're struggling with letting go. I'm sure you've worked thru everything with your T and glad you have someone you can chat with about it.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Pattihopeful
Posts: 810
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Can This Take Years to Get Over?

Post by Pattihopeful »

LF, I didn’t write that response too well lol. I know you meant to compare notes with another women to see if we’ve been treated the same. I put the part in about not contacting him to remind me. My T is really helpful and I need to continue to work on this. Thanks for your input. I realize that reading and thinking about limerance too much feeds my limerance. Need more hobbies and maybe I should volunteer somewhere.
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