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The Shapeshifter

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
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StillWonky
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2023 7:48 pm
Great Britain

The Shapeshifter

Post by StillWonky »

I've been thinking about the similarity between an LO and the shapeshifter archetype in stories, movies and myths.

There's this great book I've read and reread called The Writers Journey by Christopher Vogel. It's not a self-help book but I found it life-changing. It's based on the Hero's Journey by Joseph Campbell but easier to read. It teaches you how to see "journeys" or "stories" in your life and how to move through them. I think we are all writers in a way, writing our own stories as we go along. I swear limerence is similar to really bad writer's block - you hit a point in the plot where you just can't move it along!

So, the idea is the we, like the hero, get a "call to adventure". For example, it can be a sudden life change or a current way of life getting so bad that change becomes necessary. Maybe it's even meeting the LO. Often times the hero rejects the call to adventure as much as possible because who wants to go on a hard life journey, right? Anyway, he finally has to go, and he goes through various stages and trials, and comes across a bunch of archetypes on the way, such as gatekeepers, allies, enemies, the trickster, the shadow, the mentor etc.

One of the archetypes is the shapeshifter. In myths they can be things like wizards and sirens and in movies they can be things like femme fatales. They're often characters of the opposite sex and their behaviour is confusing and changeable. Vogel says that the shapeshifter is there to represent the energy of the anima and animus, the energy of male and female that we hold inside. And that the opposite sex can be confusing and unpredictable to us, causing feelings of doubt and suspense. And we can get very confused by the masks people wear.

""The anima or animus may be positive or negative figures who may be helpful to the hero or destructive to him. In some stories it's the task of the hero to figure out which side, positive or negative, he is dealing with. The shapeshifter character is also a catalyst for change, a symbol of the psychological need to transform. Dealing with a shapeshifter may cause the hero to change attitudes about the opposite sex or come to terms with the repressed energies that this archetype brings up. These projections of our hidden opposite sides, these images and ideas about sexuality and relationships, form the archetype of the Shapeshifter."

Maybe it's just my particular case but that really sounds like limerent energy to me. All that confusing "What did he really mean by that? What did that look mean? I think he likes me I think he doesn't like me." stuff. I know it's not the same for everyone because some haven't even met their LO, but this definitely felt like a big component of mine. I'd feel like I was mesmerised by a diamond flickering in the light, where you're seeing one face, then another, and it's solid and its see through, and you dont really know what you're looking at. I dont know if that's just me or if others experienced that high level of confusion?

Anyway, shapeshifting is suposed to be a useful skill to have to get through your own journey. Like in the Wizard of Oz where they have to dress up like guards to get into the witches castle. There are times when you need to transform, or put on a different face or identity to get through something hard. Whilst a lot of masks we wear are dysfunctional, we also need to learn to wear the right mask at the right time as they can be useful. For example if you're dealing with someone predatory and you don't want to look scared.

I don't really know where I'm going with this haha. I guess the question is, if you were a writer, how would you write the rest of your story to get you out of limerence?
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: The Shapeshifter

Post by Zsababy »

Well, I am a writer (unpublished as I never took it seriously enough but now I'm trying to) and early on in my limerance for this famous musician, I wrote a short story about a groupie who sleeps with a musician. She declares her love & when he says, "you don't know me', and she insists she has because she's read his autobiography and can relate to his trauma. She spills her guts on her trauma & he says sorry but pain is not love. He insists that she doesn't really know him. She freaks out, runs to the bathroom & slits her wrists.

While I came up with this story, it was for a trilogy I'm writing on the subject of fame & how it warps people & human connections, but it's clearly a metaphor for the unhealthy aspects of limerance. I was definitely working through issues on my neediness & fragility, although it was also inspired by unhealthy relationships of fans with celebrities. A very unstable friend had an online fling with a semi-famous musician and she got to know him by connecting over alcoholism. She got way too personal & emotional & was furious when he reminded her that they weren't getting married or anything. She's an emotionally unstable person with no boundaries. They're both married with kids so even if she were on his level, it was doomed. (Interestingly, I asked her for advice & feedback as to whether I could pursue my LO. More interestingly was that she said no but in a very compassionate way.)

So yes, writing can definitely help us exorcise our demons. In the early stages of this limerance, I was hugely sensitive to the fact that he'd reject me. Now I'm much more grounded about reality & more or less accept that he's way out of my league.
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5666
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: The Shapeshifter

Post by JupiterTaco »

Wow, I can relate to that in so many ways. Past limerence experiences are notorious for making me look at things about myself or otherwise nudging me to change myself. To this day, I think I struggle more with the idea of feeling like I have to reinvent myself for every new stupid job I attempt to have so that I can survive; and this is listed as a notable narcissistic/psychopathic trait!!! =)) FML...
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: The Shapeshifter

Post by Zsababy »

JupiterTaco wrote: Sat Apr 01, 2023 9:54 pm Wow, I can relate to that in so many ways. Past limerence experiences are notorious for making me look at things about myself or otherwise nudging me to change myself. To this day, I think I struggle more with the idea of feeling like I have to reinvent myself for every new stupid job I attempt to have so that I can survive; and this is listed as a notable narcissistic/psychopathic trait!!! =)) FML...
But I doubt you're a sociopath who pretends to have a medical degree, etc. We all dress for the job we want, as they say. You have to tailor your demeanor to fit the environment to some degree.
StillWonky
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2023 7:48 pm
Great Britain

Re: The Shapeshifter

Post by StillWonky »

Well, I am a writer (unpublished as I never took it seriously enough but now I'm trying to) and early on in my limerance for this famous musician, I wrote a short story about a groupie who sleeps with a musician. She declares her love & when he says, "you don't know me', and she insists she has because she's read his autobiography and can relate to his trauma. She spills her guts on her trauma & he says sorry but pain is not love. He insists that she doesn't really know him. She freaks out, runs to the bathroom & slits her wrists.
Interesting. The musician/groupie dynamic fascinates me. What's your take on what energy a groupie is trying to absorb by getting the musician? Is it the skill, the freedom to express oneself, or the popularity? Or, like in your story, the ability to express trauma and be accepted? Or do you think it depends on the person? Get that book out - I'd buy it!
StillWonky
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2023 7:48 pm
Great Britain

Re: The Shapeshifter

Post by StillWonky »

Wow, I can relate to that in so many ways. Past limerence experiences are notorious for making me look at things about myself or otherwise nudging me to change myself. To this day, I think I struggle more with the idea of feeling like I have to reinvent myself for every new stupid job I attempt to have so that I can survive; and this is listed as a notable narcissistic/psychopathic trait!!! =)) FML...
I think we all have an archetype we are most like. Teachers probably have a lot of mentor energy. I definitely think I have a lot of trickster energy. I actually wish I could have more shapeshifter energy. Caterpillar to butterfly and all that.

I think everyone has a psychopath in their shadow and are supposed to integrate it. There are definitely situations in which people need to "change shape" or act more with logic than emotion. I suppose the trick is to find the healthiest way to express the archetype?
StillWonky
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2023 7:48 pm
Great Britain

Re: The Shapeshifter

Post by StillWonky »

Also, JT, I think I remember reading you thought maybe you had been an LO yourself on various occasions. That would fit in with my idea that shapeshifting dazzle can mesmerise people.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: The Shapeshifter

Post by Zsababy »

StillWonky wrote: Sun Apr 02, 2023 8:28 am
Interesting. The musician/groupie dynamic fascinates me. What's your take on what energy a groupie is trying to absorb by getting the musician? Is it the skill, the freedom to express oneself, or the popularity? Or, like in your story, the ability to express trauma and be accepted? Or do you think it depends on the person? Get that book out - I'd buy it!
Well, the friend of mine who had had a few groupie experiences and is obsessed with groupiedom admitted that some of it was status in terms of "coolness" by association and presumably who you can get and what a trophy that would be. Yuck. I'm so grossed out by that. I was texting her about my obsession and she said she could've been a big groupie (she had been quite pretty) and was wagering if she could get lead singers, ie the Big Prize, vs say the bass player (like if you're less attractive) and I told her I think she was pretty enough for a lead singer then I was asking myself, "why am I having this repulsive conversation? Laurie Anderson doesn't go around saying 'I b*#w Lou Reed". I figure, even if it's just for a quickie, it should be about attraction, not scoring points. From my impressions, that's a common draw. This person is very focussed on status & also banks a lot on her looks & she's freaking out as she ages. I don't judge the partying & sex (everybody wants to sleep with attractive people --duh!!) But the whole you-are-who-you-do thing grosses me out. She is very sexual, so of course that's a huge part, but she also wishes she was a musician, as do I, so I'm sure there's some envy or vicarious creation going on there. Although personally, when a dated a local-level musician whose singer was kind of a big deal on the local underground, I felt insecure, dwarfed and intimidated. I didn't really have anything going on on my life at that time.
But musicians often do have something that transcends looks, although an awful lot of them are gorgeous.

If I met/slept with my LO, I would like to be thought of as just a person he met and not a groupie. I've even fantasized having that conversation, that I wasn't expecting anything serious but didn't want to be thought of a starf***er, which is totally harsh, but sleeping with people for status or because they're famous grosses me out.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: The Shapeshifter

Post by L-F »

StillWonky wrote: Sun Apr 02, 2023 8:39 am I think everyone has a psychopath in their shadow and are supposed to integrate it. There are definitely situations in which people need to "change shape" or act more with logic than emotion. I suppose the trick is to find the healthiest way to express the archetype?
Just put a mother's child in danger and see her shapeshift and call forth the psychopath to step out of the shadows. Everyone can lose it, just put them in the right situation.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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