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That darn LE from a lifer.

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marko
Posts: 1802
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

That darn LE from a lifer.

Post by marko »

I just looked at the poll at how long this lasts with most of us. I'd skew the poll too much as I'm a lifer. I did have this thought that keeps coming back and how my last bought had me sure that I should never be in a relationship again. Not sure if there is a difference with infatuation or LE, but at some point, infatuation was how I thought "love" is. I engrained it and made it real. Feels great on and on. Would a normal let it go instead of torturing it for in some cases forever? I heard a song that broke me down today as it was about missing someone. I know you can miss some conversation, or some times you shared, but each song goes straight to end of world. I can rationalize it a bit later, but it's like I lost the single most important person in my life. Then, you think "what the hell, you don't evern know this person" and " you've chatted a liftime total of about 15 minutes and now they're a long lost friend". I know the back and forth is part of this mind game, but damn it can make you a head case. Knowing all I know, I still have no control over the instant flight of fantasy.

Given that, we put so much into these mostly non existent LE events. We go all in or perhaps how hard we go into every relationship. They can't reciprocate as to how we need them too and then we are puzzled. I'm sure most of the LO's don't even know. I do act too nice, willing to do anything asked of me. I wonder if it shows. Maybe that's why the react positively for a time as they consider me a nice person?
fup
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2023 10:45 am
Belgium

Re: That darn LE from a lifer.

Post by fup »

I it’s easy for a normal person to let go. When working with myself I definitely feel like it’s a lot easier to let go of people and relationships when I recognize that they are not good for me.
My personal theory about limerence is that quite often it starts with a mutual connection. And that a lot of people at first get attacked by people who are making them feel good about themselves. But pretty soon the bad energy from LE drives people away.
vesseloflight
Posts: 50
Joined: Thu Apr 20, 2023 7:16 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: That darn LE from a lifer.

Post by vesseloflight »

marko wrote: Wed Jun 07, 2023 9:56 pm I can rationalize it a bit later, but it's like I lost the single most important person in my life. Then, you think "what the hell, you don't evern know this person" and " you've chatted a liftime total of about 15 minutes and now they're a long lost friend".
Thank you for sharing this! This made me LOL! So damn true! When you think of the reality -- the physical reality of it is crazy. I am not saying we are crazy and not normal, our brains have been trained to do this. For me it is an unhealthy comfort, a soothing 'addiction' or activity. Like over eating, over drinking, whatever the indulgence. It temporarily feels good even if it is just a daydream.

Peace to you, Marko! I hope you keep on recognizing this pattern and find strength within to say .... "not right now... not today... please go away you limerent beast so that I may show up in real life today." As soon as we let go of this coping style we will welcome TIME for us to feel real love for our own self - whether alone or with a partner or friend before we are on our deathbeds.
marko
Posts: 1802
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: That darn LE from a lifer.

Post by marko »

vesseloflight wrote: Thu Jun 08, 2023 10:14 pm
marko wrote: Wed Jun 07, 2023 9:56 pm I can rationalize it a bit later, but it's like I lost the single most important person in my life. Then, you think "what the hell, you don't evern know this person" and " you've chatted a liftime total of about 15 minutes and now they're a long lost friend".
Thank you for sharing this! This made me LOL! So damn true! When you think of the reality -- the physical reality of it is crazy. I am not saying we are crazy and not normal, our brains have been trained to do this. For me it is an unhealthy comfort, a soothing 'addiction' or activity. Like over eating, over drinking, whatever the indulgence. It temporarily feels good even if it is just a daydream.

Peace to you, Marko! I hope you keep on recognizing this pattern and find strength within to say .... "not right now... not today... please go away you limerent beast so that I may show up in real life today." As soon as we let go of this coping style we will welcome TIME for us to feel real love for our own self - whether alone or with a partner or friend before we are on our deathbeds.
I'm not sure I can let go. I'm not sure what "will" I have in this. I've practiced this escape since 83 and it's so engrained. If I don't do this, I find myself deep in all kinds of distractions. I can't trust normal as it's like I've found a good level, but then you realize your down another rabbit hole. LE is at a whole new level as it involves reality as well. Good luck to you.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: That darn LE from a lifer.

Post by L-F »

marko wrote: Sun Jun 11, 2023 8:10 pm I'm not sure I can let go. I'm not sure what "will" I have in this. I've practiced this escape since 83 and it's so engrained. If I don't do this, I find myself deep in all kinds of distractions. I can't trust normal as it's like I've found a good level, but then you realize your down another rabbit hole. LE is at a whole new level as it involves reality as well. Good luck to you.
So what? Not said in a condescending way of course, but so what? What if this IS your life?. You've shown great awareness, you're survived... So... Perhaps there are no answers or the righteous passage of letting go but rather
Of acceptance
That this maybe your life
And if so, is that so bad?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
marko
Posts: 1802
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: That darn LE from a lifer.

Post by marko »

L-F wrote: Mon Jun 12, 2023 5:57 am
marko wrote: Sun Jun 11, 2023 8:10 pm I'm not sure I can let go. I'm not sure what "will" I have in this. I've practiced this escape since 83 and it's so engrained. If I don't do this, I find myself deep in all kinds of distractions. I can't trust normal as it's like I've found a good level, but then you realize your down another rabbit hole. LE is at a whole new level as it involves reality as well. Good luck to you.
So what? Not said in a condescending way of course, but so what? What if this IS your life?. You've shown great awareness, you're survived... So... Perhaps there are no answers or the righteous passage of letting go but rather
Of acceptance
That this maybe your life
And if so, is that so bad?
At some level I have to accept and you take those good moments for what they were. Those older ones are pretty dead, the newer will fizzle as well. What they did for you has passed. I dated them, and married one. Poor her. Therapy failed in that you return to this magnificant you who could woo the world--but it wasn't real, and what you painted in her wasn't either. Perhaps these impossible LO's are a way to reach out, but you also know they won't happen which dodges the bullet. Pining away for someone else is another bad thing. I was also taken back that the awareness can answer the why, but doesn't help the "stop!". I suppose you still extract just enough to balance in staying for a while. I'm surprised, and thought it was a test you thought this might be good. Test? B-)
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: That darn LE from a lifer.

Post by L-F »

Yeah, it's about making peace with the cards dealt. To me that's the only path to happiness: acceptance.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: That darn LE from a lifer.

Post by L-F »

marko wrote: Tue Jun 13, 2023 11:08 pm I was also taken back that the awareness can answer the why, but doesn't help the "stop!"
You got that right!. I hope Asha is reading this.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Asha999
Posts: 55
Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2023 4:52 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: That darn LE from a lifer.

Post by Asha999 »

L-F wrote: Wed Jun 14, 2023 3:39 am [quote=marko post_id=79248 time=<a href="tel:1686694121">1686694121</a> user_id=1127]
I was also taken back that the awareness can answer the why, but doesn't help the "stop!"
You got that right!. I hope Asha is reading this.
[/quote]


Haha. Reading it. so what’s the stop? Because I’m about to get ripped doing push-ups every time I think of LO. Aversion therapy.
vesseloflight
Posts: 50
Joined: Thu Apr 20, 2023 7:16 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: That darn LE from a lifer.

Post by vesseloflight »

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Last edited by vesseloflight on Mon Jan 22, 2024 10:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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