Messy story about how my obsession started.

[Caitlyn]

My LO is my friend, next door neighbour and also works in our local pub. For months, I've just been able to enjoy friendly chats with him in the pub, and he seemed like a nice, kind guy. He also happens to be extremely good looking. (sigh) For those months, I didn't have this obsession. I didn't think anything would ever happen, thought we were only mates even though I did find him attractive.

Anyway, he got invited to my party and it was there that he started being tactile, stroking my arms etc. He also went in for a kiss on the lips which I actually swerved because I wasn't yet in an open marriage, but there had been talks already about having one. (Me and husband feel more like best friends currently and he admitted he desires other women. He also has a high drive and mine is very low.)

Coincidentally, we decided on an open marriage the day after the party. How I wish that it was open at the time LO tried to kiss me because I would have let it happen. Bad timing. I did consider he may only have tried to kiss me because he had a few, but.. I've since seen him sober and he's been doing forehead kisses and super long hugs, stroked my legs etc. All that nice tactile stuff. He really got me hooked and I loved that dopamine high.

Seemed like he was into me, right? Well, he can go ages without speaking, but then I don't usually dare message him either. We once made plans to watch movies together and I messaged asking if it was still on.. but he didn't speak for a week and it was awful. I was really looking forward to seeing him. When I confronted him, he said he had something going on with his dad. (His dad used to beat him) so I give him lots of space. He's very reserved. His ex cheated on him with several other guys 5 years ago and doesn't seem over it. Mentions her a lot, still has digs at her on Facebook. I feel like maybe he has an avoidant attachment style, because of his abusive dad and ex.

I've come to the conclusion that I need to try and get over this new obsession with him. I need consistency and he's never going to be the guy that messages much or makes sure to hang out regularly. I never know when I will hear from him again and it's like torture. Time passes so slowly when I don't hear from him.

[L-F]

Sorry to hear of your situation. Good thing you're deciding to address limerence.
As for LO, could he be limerent for his ex? Not that any of it is your problem. I know from past posters they'd say he's a narcissist trying to vacuum you in (or whatever the term is), but I believe thats BS. Sounds like he's not interested in commitment and I wouldn't be either if I were dating someone married.

Basically, like you've mentioned, limerence is all on you baby (regardless of his behavior) and that's because it is all about us (the ones inflicted with it).

You've come to the right place! Lots of info & threads to read. Hoping you are surrounded by good support in RL.

[JupiterTaco]

I've had more than a few coworkers who couldn't keep their hands to themselves for lack of better words. Combined with other signs of flirting it can really contribute to limerence but I agree it doesn't necessarily mean that they're doing it purposely or that they have a personality disorder. Many people really have no concept of boundaries it's really sad and other people just have different needs or tolerance for touch. Good for you for trying to tackle the limerence.