My story about an old LO

[fup]

I feel like I’ve moved on from my latest LO, so I think I might be ready to share my other story with the previous LO and only other very bad LE I experienced in my adult life.

I was in my mid twenties on my last semester of college. It was kind of a scary time for me about to graduate from many years of a comfortable life as a student on the verge to real adulthood. My thesis advisor was this nice but tough lady. Not very far into the semester I got ill. Not seriously or anything but I was scared and alone and my family completely bailed on me.

One day at one of our many meetings the cup just spilled over for me and I broke down in tears. I explained that it was just a rough time for me and that I didn’t wanted to talk about it. The many following meetings she started getting very interested in my personal life asking questions, telling me that she could be there for me etc. I shut it down because I had to focus on my thesis, but she was very persistent which just at the time served as a prove to me that she really cared. I needed to keep things professional in order to focus but I was dying inside to let her be the caring responsible adult for me that I needed so much and that she told me she could be. I fell in to deep limerence. I started getting bad panic attacks and couldn’t sleep and those things did not exactly help the physical health issues had also been battling. I kept shutting her down and finally she told me she would stop it, which of course was not what I so longed for. I wanted her to keep trying to get under my skin and I wanted to let her in so bad.

At our last meeting I was so conflicted because I was finally relieved from all the stress, but I was dying inside knowing that it would also be the end of our relationship. I could finally get this big question off my chest: Why did you take this interest in me? We ended up talking and again she was this caring person I needed so bad and had spent my whole life longing for. I was sure that I had found this person, this missing piece in my heart, and her words convinced me that this was a mutual meaningful connection. She said that she was thinking a lot about me and that she wanted us to stay in touch.
We saw each other in private a few times after that on her initiative. She started not living up to her words, and I recognized how toxic and messy the whole situation was. I cut it off and told her not to contact me again. But even after that it took me years to get over.

I rarely think about her anymore. But I do recognize a pattern with how my latest LE started. I wonder what motivated these people to take a special interest in me. And I wonder if they are the toxic ones love bombing me during vulnerable times in my life. Or if I am the toxic one for having this empty space in side me they filled out and then when reality kicks in and they move on I can’t let go because I’m hooked.

[L-F]

Sorry you've had this experience fup. I don't know what happened in your specific situation however I do know many teaching staff pay particular attention to any struggling and/or vulnerable student (that they perceive as vulnerable). This isn't something underhanded, it's about making sure the vulnerable student has adequate support outside of the classroom, especially if they suspect a person is being abused emotionally, spiritually, physically or financially. And sometimes the only way to tell is to get to know that person.

I'm not sure if you're aware, but most teachers (of any aged students from very young to adults) have a level of responsibility to report abuse to either their counselling staff and/or authorities. You say you were unwell and your family bailed on you, well, this kind of falls under the abuse/lack of support banner. Perhaps LO needed to get to know your situation better to be able to provide the right support? Perhaps this care & attention was perceived as being of a 'parental-type' care which triggered childhood wounds? I'm just guessing here as I don't know what if anything was triggered or whether they had extra sloppy ethical & professional boundaries. It's hard to tell.

Good thing you feel you are able to talk about it without shame. So many people are afraid to speak out about how they feel/felt out of shame. That goes for things like drepression, abuse, taboo subjects, etc.

[fup]

Thanks for your kind words. I highly doubt that it had anything to do with ethics and support. In my culture nobody really cares about your wellbeing in the school system after a certain age. I think it was more likely to be some sort of weird power trip. Initially of course I just thought she took special interest in me and that we had a connecting. And you are absolutely correct that this care and attention triggered a 'parental-type' care which triggered childhood wounds. This wound I’ve always been aware of. I’m working on it:-)