Going crazy with limerence - advice?

[limerencegoingnuts]

Hi there, this is my first post.
I am in my 40s in a longterm relationship with a wonderful guy but romance died many years ago.
I started running into a much younger, very handsome divorced man at work events. Once he said that we should hang out sometime. I don't even know why I am so obsessed with him as it's a totally inappropriate crush to have since he is so much younger and I'm attached.
Now I think he is dating a really beautiful younger woman, which would make a lot more sense than being with me.
Anyway, I wish I could get him out of my head because it just makes me feel so bad about myself to have these feelings. For a while he used to check my social media and now he stopped because he's probably really happy with this woman.I feel so humiliated that my feelings were probably so obvious.

If you have any advice for feeling better about yourself and getting rid of limerence, please tell me how you did it.

[JupiterTaco]

I would cut him off on social media that's one thing that will help you in record time feel better. Figure out what it is after reading around here what made you go looking for someone new and if there's something wrong in your relationship and it's worth fixing then work on that and if it's something you can give yourself instead then work on that. Limerence is generally a call to take good stock of your life and where it's going and where you want it to go.

[HelpWithGOLO]

Welcome to the forum! I wanted to start off by saying you sound so much like I did when I first joined here. Long story short, I'm a married man in my early 40's who became limerent over a younger female coworker and then abruptly lost contact with her. I was absolutely lost and feeling heartbroken when I found this site. I too have struggled with feeling guilt about my crush and worry that she realized how I felt. It's been a little over a year now of no contact for me and I still struggle with trying to get her out of my head. If you're interested in my whole story, it's on my "Thoughts?" thread. It's messy and lengthy but there was really good advice given to me along the way.
That being said, I want to share with you what I've learned during my experience. First, I think it's a good thing that you've realized you're in limerence and are now taking steps to get out. It took me a long time to realize what was wrong with me and even then a longer time to get the courage to come here for help. I'm not out of the woods yet but I'm much, much further along than I was. One thing I would tell you is that you have to accept that the past happened. Unfortunately neither you nor I or any of us can go back and undo those awkward interactions with our LOs. I know it's very hard to look at it this way but think of it as a lesson learned. I took what happened between me and my LO extremely hard. I spent most of last year being overly emotional and having to hide from my wife so I could cry without her wondering why. I had to learn to forgive myself for my mistakes. I used to believe that once I was married I'd never be tempted by any other woman. What I got after 20 years was a serious crush on steroids that I'm still recovering from. Limerence can happen to anyone. I never saw this coming but I'm trying to learn what triggered it so I can keep it from happening again. Another thing I want to tell you is to try to not be too hard on yourself. Put simply, we limerents are addicts. We're addicted to a person who we've projected thoughts and feelings and fantasies onto for one reason or another, putting them on an impossibly high pedestal. Sure they might be great and all in real life but they're not perfect by any means. Not like they are in our heads. In our altered state of mind, we say and do things we probably normally wouldn't do. Like all addicts, we're chasing that high and when our LO seemingly or actually does reject us, we end up trying even harder to win them over. I could give you lots of examples from my own life of foolish things I did around her. I wish I could undo them all. What I'm trying to say is accept that you're only human and you made mistakes. It hurts when your person doesn't reciprocate your feelings. I know firsthand how much it hurts when they suddenly disappear from your life with no explanation. It leaves you empty and feeling broken. I shouldn't have felt that way. My wife should have been enough for me. I love her and I like to think I'd never do wrong by her. But something is missing from our relationship and I'm trying to figure out what it is. If you don't mind my asking, have you tried talking to your SO about how you feel? Maybe he feels the same way. This LE might have happened as a wakeup call for you.
As far as getting rid of limerence, my first bit of advice would be to be patient. It sucks but it doesn't just go away. You have to really want to get out because it will take a lot of hard work and time. Be prepared to make steps forward and fall back a few steps at times. I've done my fair share of failing. But no matter how many times you fall, I urge you to get back up and try again. If you can, try to go no contact with your person, including social media. It's been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. If you can't go all out, at least try to limit your time with them. Another thing is to learn to refocus your mind. For me she was the only thing on my mind 24-7 and it was driving me crazy. Over time I learned to focus on activities that I enjoyed that would take my mind off of her. At first it'll be very difficult. Take baby steps. Try focusing on something else for minutes at a time, then build up from there. Take each day a step at a time. Spend time with your guy, your friends, your family. Remind yourself why you love them. I also recommend keeping a private journal of how your thoughts and feelings. Something no one else will ever see. If you want, erase it after you've written or typed it. When you put down your thoughts, be honest with yourself about what you're feeling and why. I was brutally honest with myself and found out some things about me that I needed to change. And lastly for now, I strongly recommend coming on here and asking any questions or just vent if you need to. We all have been or are going through this so we understand better than anyone how hard this is.
I hope I was able to help you as others have helped me. Sorry for writing a book here. I really hope the best for you. Please keep us updated.