Over again

[marko]

All the pieces finish my puzzle. As the LE continues to not be my escape, I caught myself returning to the self loathing that was formed in childhood. The Avoidant attachment found obsessing as it's best soother. Obsessing over people became in limerence became the best one of all. The constant bouncing around all of it returns in an effort to find something. I once thought it ADHD. Figuring this stuff out has me now questioning who I really am. I hate that I'm found more attractive when I'm in the I don't give a shit mood. Bad boy needs taming? Then I turn into Mr. Niceguy and that creeps them out. The neediness must ooze out. I had no idea. Give me enough time though, and I will learn not to trust you, totally pull back in and withdraw. The sabotage allows me not to get hurt again--as it hurts everything and everyone. I then can go--hah, told you so. So the voice returns all the more convinced of what a lowlife I am. Most people don't wake up and try to destroy themselves or anyone else. Like all addictions, what a lie.

So this process really took about 7 years. I never could connect how a wounded inner child could come up with so much bad just to feel loved. This solves a lifetime of so many self contradictions. Right now, I want to run away, avoid and discard everything and everyone--it's how we cope. I'm trying to discard the LO as a cruel dumb person. I always thought this was a good step, but it is still the problem. Discard and search for the next is the problem.

I can rewire my thinking a bit, but finally see I need help. I thought LE was the problem and no one could help me with that. In seeing the Avoidant as the problem caused by how I created an inner child monster, trying to relieve through the feel good of obsession, opens a path to better. I'm intimidated as I'm not sure who I am. I used everything I know for my whole to life to cope. That inner yuck is as loud and big as LE, so everything I did to tame that really isn't me--the overthinking really kills every good thought as well.

There is still some struggle with the current LO. The return to work causes all kinds of anxiety, scenarios and the usuual le rehearsing. Now more in the back ground with the usuall why? My mental images are avoidant in that she will avoid me like the plague. I get sad that you want a return to normal and acceptance. After all, in my mind, she's the last to like me. I can tell myself it will unfold as it will. Try and find a normal strong self, set boundaries and quit trying to appeal. Wish me well. If you read this far, how do you find help for Anxious Avoidance?

[L-F]

If you read this far, how do you find help for Anxious Avoidance?

Acceptance. Radical acceptance of self.
For people who annoy, confuse, frustrate me, radical acceptance of others is essential to ease any tension/dissonance. Accepting who they are and how they are does not imply that we have to admire them or even our own characteristics; for me, acceptance is about neutrality.

So. I wonder what your world would look like Marko if you just accepted your anxious avoidant self? Would acceptance make a difference to you?

[L-F]

Taken from an article...
"Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for anxiety disorders is an innovative acceptance-based behavior therapy that focuses on decreasing the behavior regulatory function of anxiety and related cognitions, and has a strong focus on behavior change that is consistent with client values (1). Therefore, this therapeutic method has two main objectives: (a) training acceptance of problematic unhelpful thoughts and feelings that cannot and perhaps need not be controlled, and (b) commitment and action toward living a life due to chosen values. This indicates why ACT is about acceptance and it is about change at the same time. Applied to anxiety disorders, patients learn to end the struggle with their anxiety-related discomfort and take charge by engaging in actions that move them related to their chosen life aims (values). This method also teaches patients skills to appreciate and observe unfavorable thoughts and feelings just as they are instead of teaching “more, different, better” strategies to change or decrease unwanted thoughts and feelings. Therefore avoidance of anxiety along with flexibility in response to it and other forms of emotional discomfort provides an situation for individuals that actuate them in the direction of chosen life aims even when unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations are present (1, 2).

ACT not only applied to anxiety disorders but also attempted to reduce extreme struggle with anxiety and control unwanted private events along with experiential avoidance-efforts to down-regulate."
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) For Generalized Anxiety Disorder by
HASHEMINASAB, BABAPOUR KHEIRODDIN, MAHMOOD ALILOO and FAKHARI

I have just seen a couple of ACT apps - don't know what they are like but there's resources on the web worth checking out.

[Juliet345972]

hey i understand what youre going through.limerence and avoidance can be hard to understan and manage.its importan to adres your iner child and sek therapeutic suport.working on boundaries and self-acceptance are key steps in this journey.