Post-limerence echoes?

[HenrySilver]

Hello all,

My apologies if this is rambling. Some of these emotions are still quite raw and I thought it’s be helpful to unload here where other limerents can perhaps provide insight:

I haven’t been on the forum in quite a while. My limerence with my friend/coworker had largely resolved. I reached a low point of major depression, anxiety, and obsession. I went through several therapists and had couples therapy with my wife. I never disclosed to my wife or my LO, though my LO likely strongly suspected I had feelings for her.

I found that focusing on my marriage gave me insight in how the limerence started. I didn’t feel prioritized in my marriage, which led me to fall limerent for my coworker, who always complimented me, prioritized our friendship, and made me feel important and included.

I still maintain a friendship with my LO, but nearly as close as we used to be. Our texts are very friendly but usually focus on/around work. We no longer spend time together outside of work, aside from group lunches. I still find myself wondering about her whereabouts when I don’t see her in her office, but I no longer obsess about it.

I find myself having what I will call echoes of limerence. For example, there is a mutual female friend/coworker (for whom I am not limerent). She is best friends with my LO. We are all in the same tight knit group of work friends. I saw that both of them had left work early on Friday. This is not necessarily unusual but typically she will stop by and say goodbye for the weekend. I later learned via social media that this mutual friend went to happy hour. I find myself thinking, “she must have gone with my LO and excluded me.” The thought of my LO excluding me from happy hour is causing some anxiety and depression. Not sure why. Obviously, it is perfectly reasonable for two best friends to want to have some girl time. Perhaps it’s the difficulty in finally accepting the toll my limerence had on my friendship with my LO. After we butted heads as a result of some of my limerence-motivated behavior, we had some arguments that eventually resolved but likely forever altered the quality of our friendship.

Has anyone had these sort of feeling after the intense episodes of limerence have subsided? I am curious to hear other’s perspectives.

[JupiterTaco]

I may have to read back on your post history to get more to the story but from what it sounds like it sounds like she just saw you as a work friend and her trying to include you was her being a good co-worker or whatever. It's possible that she doesn't even know you had feelings for her and that you don't exist outside of work for her. Without more detail I'm kind of unsure of what else to say besides that but in my case I know that my former lo did at some point know about my feelings and played with them in fact I think each of my former los did that in some form.

And if that's true for you then that's another reason to look at it as an unhealthy dynamic and be glad you're focusing your energy on what could be saved. Do you feel more prioritized in your marriage or do you not and is that the reason that you're still thinking about the former lo? To answer your question I think there can be a time when too much happens between two people that there's no going back and I've kind of had to think about that since in recent months I've been having occasional dreams of my 5th LOL who at this point I haven't thought in great detail about in years. I don't want to see this person ever again and I have nothing to say to him. I was searching for acceptance from people like him in all the wrong places and I think that's what led me at least partially to become limerent over him and this was also a factor in different ways for many of my former los